AquaDementia

Today I sadly found out that my cousin is abusive towards his wife of 4 years. He beats her, slaps her and chokes her. Apparently she has lost a lot of weight as well due to her mental/physical state. They have a 3.5 yr old boy together.
The wife confided in my mom and told her this, and my mom was in utter shock when she found out. However, my parents' stance on this is: let's not get involved, it is their life, their business.

BUT

I cannot stay still knowing this. I am not close to either my cousin or his wife, but no woman deserves to be hit.

To make matters even more complicated: she is not a citizen and knows no English. Their marriage was based on no love. He went back to the old country, found a wife, brought her to Canada and got a son. He tells her she is useless. She is very alone in all this.

Is there a way to anonymously report this? What if he does something much worse if anyone gets involved? I don't know what to do

Suz

That is such a hard situation. Its always best to stay out of those kinds of things, but then being in those shoes before, I appreciated it when my neighbors did. But an abused women is so hard to get to press charges against the abuser. How ever, if she told your mom, she is calling out for help. I would maybe visit the local police station and talk to an officer and see what they suggest, or call a battered womens shelter. They will know what to do .....

Good luck

cheeky_carrie

I lived with physical and emotional abuse with my boys dad for nearly 9 years tbh you feel trapped and like its all ur own fault. My brother came home on leave and gave me a surprise visit to find me unconcious on the kitchen floor and boys in bed asleep him no where to be seen!!!!

When I woke I was in hospital and my boys were at my parents..... we never went back , not even for clothes!!! I gave the police a note in the end and they went to the house with him so I could get some things back like photos , few pieces of jewelery, boys toys , some clothes etc but basically I had to start from scratch.

Tbh i think if my brother hadnt found me Id still be there its such a hard thing to describe the feeling that you cant leave etc i ended up getting a restraining order on him but that did no use took about 3 years before the abusive calls txts stopped and I had to move further away to stop the night visits still after nearly 6 years away he terrifies me when he picks up boys to see them (which is very rare) I still have to have someone with me

I really dont have advise Aqua sorry but I know this if it hadnt been for my brother my life could be very different to what it is now

Newt

I hope you will be able to help in some way hun

nikky0907

When a woman lets her husband hit her she usually has some lower self esteem problems.
I'm not gonna play optimist and say that if you should just talk to him,he'll realize what he is doing and stop.He probably won't.

But she is the one that needs a talk and a wake up call.
Maybe she doesn't have anywhere to go,thats why she stays with him?
Are her parents in the old country (Croatia?)?

Cause,she can't get a job in Canada and she basicly has nowhere to go,it's no wonder she stays with him.
It's a really a tough situation,if only somehow she could take her son and move back but that requires money.
Why don't you ask your mom (she is obviously close to her) if she can talk to her and together they can think of some kind of a solution.I'm sure many people would be willing to help her.
I know your mom has a 'don't get in other people's problems' but this is quite serious,you shouldn't just let it all happen.I mean,what if he seriously hurts her one day?

This is so sad,especially with their little son...

Mamafy

tbh I wouldnt get involved as that could make him even more violent the only thing I would suggest is to get your mum to talk to your cousin again and persuade her to seek help.

rae05

Here we have a placed called Transition House. Its for women in these situations who have nowhere to go. I would speak to one of them. They offer a safe house to live in, offer programs to help them get skills so they can get into the workforce, then they set them up with safe apartments in communities that are being constantly patroled. This is for women and children only. No man has ever stepped foot inside those doors, except maybe to build the place.

Go speak to them. There must be something like that around you. They can help,this is the exact situation that they are put there for.

Wobbles

I'd have to get involved but silenetly! Poor woman! Not only is this situation devasting the fact shes none english proabably no friends .... is just worse on feeling isolated I'd guess.

I woudl seek advice from the local police station or even social services who are their for Mums too!!!

I couldn't sit back on it.

bexy_22

That's so awful to hear I don't know what I'd do personally. On one hand I think it's best not to get involved with something like that but on the other hand I don't think I'd be able sit back and not do anything.

elmaxie

I think the fact she has gone to your mum means she is looking for help!

And tbh if your mum doesnt want to help can you not get all the info she may need for a safe house or some kind of help and explain her situation to them,then speak to your cousins wife and explain there is help for her and her son etc etc...show her you are there for her and she isnt alone.

At the end of the day these things dont sto until some-one is dead or brave enoughto do something.



Emma.xx