doumauk

I agree with the above post. It will only get worse. He is clearly taking advantage of the fact that she is not from the country and doesnt talk the language. If it was me I would do my best to help her and would report it. She has a 3 year old child, is he going to get up one morning and find his mum dead. You hear of it happening all too often these days and if you knew about it and something did happen, you would regret not doing something. No man has a right to beat his wife and vise versa. Try and do something before it gets even more out of hand, because more than likely it will. Easier said than done i know but....

leeanne

Oh gosh, how horrible. Often women who are in abusive relationships don't get out because they are scared of what may happen to them (if their spouse catches them) or they have no where to go. Also, after years of this, their self-esteem is low and this is the life they know. But she's calling out for help if she is talking to your mom.

A woman should not be treated like this and I truly think that someone needs to intervene before it gets worse. And it could. Yet it could if she decides to leave too.

Best thing to do is contact shelters for women, the police, woman abuse centers, etc. Get the knowledge from these people and then go forward with this knowledge.

I would say, I would have to intervene. This is wrong!

Freya

I would like to echo the thoughts of the few on this thread that advise you and your mum NOT to ignore the situation, even though it may become difficult for you both.

Domestic violence can easilly end in death or serious injury to the victim. No one can stand back and expect someone else to help.

Their son is a secondary victim and will no doubt be have seen the physical violence, hears raised voices, lives in the tension and is probably quite fearful himself. I work with young offenders and many violent offenders and domestic abusers often grew up in violent homes themselves and saw males treating their mothers in this way - so you see, I worry greatley about the impact of this on the son.

In the UK this knowledge would be enough to make a referral to Social Services and have the child put on the child protection register, or the 'at risk' register. A Social Worker then gets involved and can help both mum and dad (if he wants it) and refer them to a specialist organisation.

Hope you and your mum can find the courage to help your cousin's wife. She must be feeling very lonely and living in a fear filled nightmare.

XXX

clairebear

I would find a way of anoumously telling someone as this poor woman obviously wants help if she has confided in ur mum. Also with a young child in the house i would be worried of the impact on him.

i hope this situation is ended for your cousins wife.

good luck x

Carley

To me if someone knew, they aren't much better. Because that's a lot of power to hold, and I'd do everything in my powers to help. How about if she died from being abused? I'd be flooded with all these what if's. I'd do something while you can. Too many women die from abuse.

momandpeanut

My ex husband was very abusive ! I hid it from everyone for years including my family and best friends. The shame you feel is overwhelming.
I think if you can offer her support and advise the do it but she will be the one who has to reach a choice herself and no matter how much help people offer it she has to reach a point before she can finally break free !!
I hope she can find the strength from some where because although life is hard to start with its only when you are free you truely realise had bad life was !!

alyxzandra

I would think that your cousin's wife is reaching out for help and would find it a shame that the person she is turning to will not help. But, your parents are in a sticky situation. Can you speak to your mother and give her options to give to the cousin and also to let her know she can get help? If not, do you have a relationship with her that you can reach out to her and help her get to a woman's shelter?

The son is also suffering from this. It must be terribly frightening to see this. And he will grow up with violence all around him. But, I agree that there has to be some intervention because she could wind up dead.

AquaDementia

I have no relationship with the person in question, and the relationship my parents have with those people has always been very tense due to many different reasons, and I understand why they are taking the 'let's not get involved' approach.

I don't know if I said this, but I think her husband's family is aware of the abuse since they told her that if she tells anyone (meaning actively seeks for help) they will take away her child.

I truly see no hope for this woman, but when I go to my parents tomorrow I will get a better feel of the situation.

Thanks for the advice.

Loula

Aqua - I too agree that this woman is crying out for help. I know in the UK a call could be made to social services to intervene,as there is a child caught up in this - I assume you'd have a similar agency over there? You would be able to do this anonymously. I do hope you can help this woman. No-one deserves to live their life in fear woman or child

And - not wanting to deviate - but I take serious issue with the comment that women "let" their husbands abuse them!!

alyxzandra

I understand what you are saying. However, since your cousin's wife's life is at stake, I think that maybe they need to take some sort of action. Could you or your parents speak to a domestic violence refuge for advice on this situation?

Since her husband's family know of the abuse, they are just as bad as he is in allowing it to happen and then to tell her the child will be taken away! That only makes me believe she is trying to reach out to someone else for help since she knows they will not be there for her.

I really hope she gets out of this situation. And what a terrible place for you to be in!