Moulder86

I didn't really know where to put this....

Well my ex had a date last night, which apprently went really well and he'll be seeing her again. In the past he's said how we were a mistake a bit of fun that got out of hand to hear how much he likes her and it could turn into something really hurt. I thought I could cope with it but doesn't seem I can.

The thing is now I'm having horrible thoughts, I don't know if I can go through with being a mum knowing I'm now REALLY going to be on my own. I'm thinking how when he said to me to get rid of it I should have. I'm hating myself for thinking like this it's not my lil man's fault but everything else as well like having to have second hand most things is getting to me, not really having my parents support, money issues you know the usual is making me think more and more that I made the wrong decision all those months ago.

I can't even talk to him about it because he'll go on about how he gave me the choice. I can't talk to my friends about it they'll all think bad of me. I'm REALLY hating myself right now and the hormones making me cry ALL the time are making it worse.

I'm fooling myself about eventually getting a diploma in counselling too thinking it's a good career, will be good to have that sort of income to support my child but knowing I don't have the money to do it and I'd probably be useless at doing it anyway and fail miserably!!

I'm sorry for my rant but really needed to scream without letting my lot know theres something wrong.

xx

LeaArr

It's understandable to have doubts, but I don't think you made the wrong decision. You did what was right for you, and I personally believe that everything happens for a reason.



Take care girl!

ella170

i know i can't say anything that's really going to help, but don't blame yourself over some prick's mistake. i think he's bein resentful that you kept the baby and doing this by making you feel like shit, but your baby will be worth it all in the end. i really think you need to sit down with a good friend or family member, have a good cry and a heart to heart about everything because you sound like you really need someone to be there for you right now and i can't imagine how much your hurting. i hope you can somehow find the strength to cope with it all, good luck xxx

mBLACK

There's one thing that you always have to remember. At the time, the choice you made was exactly what you wanted and you wouldn't change that for the world. There will always be ups and downs so I'd give it a little bit more time - you're just feeling down right now and that may be why you feel you've made the wrong decision. If you truly decide that it wasn't the right decision then why not consider a foster home until you are stable enough to take your son? Or adoption, there are plenty of couples who would love a child but cannot have one for many reasons. There are so many options. Just follow your heart.

Moulder86

The thing is tho ella he's my best friend and the one person who'd I'd talk to but can't. I feel SO horrible for thinking like this but now I know that I REALLY am going to be on my own and there's no chance for us I don't know how I'm going to do this. He says he's not going to let me down and be dad and wants to be my friend still but I really don't know.

ella170

aw hun, is there absolutly no way at all that you can explain to him what you have just written in this thread? i get all upset and embarrased on the phone and in person when i need to tell someone how i truely feel, but i've found that if you write it in a letter or e-mail it allows you to tell them everything, without breaking up or stumbling and its alot less tense aswell. do you want him to know how you feel about everything?

Moulder86

He knows I'm not happy and wish things were different but no he doesn't have a clue about what I've written in my thread. He'd think I'm a child for writing him a letter and he doesn't have email.

He's 35 and I'm 21 lately he's been telling me how much I need to grow up, but I'm more mature than him most of the time!

Elli21

Id like to give you my support and i'll back up what mblack said....at the time, the decision you made was the one that you wanted, and although you have doubts..like most of us ...everything will change.
Dont worry about second hand stuff...both my kids are mostly always in second hand stuff..they still look nice and some of the stuff is designer and looks great, but its so cheap for me that way and clothes dont really matter anyway!
Money is a stress for alot of people, and there are alot of colleges and uni's now where they have nursery staff...dont put yourself down about how you'll support your baby..you'll find a way..because its what us mums do.

I think you really need to tell your babies dad what you have written in this thread..even though you may think you look bad, you have to take my word for it, your perfectly normal to have these thoughts. I think honesty is the best way to go about this...
I like the way he said he would still be a dad..and i know it hurts that you and him may never be together but hes offered you friendship, id take it. Its always nice to be on better terms than worse off ones.

missjess

It's perfectly normal to have doubts sweetie!! Don't feel horrible for that. You can go through this, when your LO makes an appearance you' won't regret making the decision you made.


Hang in there

ella170

maybe you shouldn't worry about what he thinks, as long as he knows what your going through because you can't carry on like this without support from the people you love, otherwise its going to be very hard. its important that you adopt a more optimistic approach right now and realise that its your circumstances which have got you hating yourself, it's not you. everyone has relationship problems, but remember that you have a little boy to think about and however you think now, when you hold him you're going to love him more than you could ever have loved your ex. xx