Spartacus

Here bloody here!! My sentiments exactly

Sparky0207

Thank you, I will! Im trying to make the best of a bad situation and hes not helping at all!

You lot have been fab so can I ask another question to save starting another thread? Its not totally unrelated to this, its still involving OH!!

xxx

Spartacus

course go for it!!

alyxzandra

Go for it...

Sparky0207

Well, its probably nothing but...

Hes back in touch with his ex again (I think) and its really bothering me! He was only with her for about 6 months but they did have a good relationship. When we first got together I got on well with her, then she started texting him asking for him to go back to her etc etc. I thought from the beginning that she still had feelings for him but never mentioned it as I didnt mind them being friends. I know he wasnt responding in the way she hoped as he was honest with me and told me when she had text him and always sent her blunt replies in front of me. He also stopped seeing her as a friend and that was it.
Anyway, he did end up cheating on me a few months later but thats another story.. it took a while but we have moved on but obviously the trust was damaged (and still is if im honest)

So, just before we went on hols in april, he had some joke messages sent to his mobile - just funny ones - but we didnt know who from, when he text back they never replied and when he tried calling they didnt answer. He saved the number and the day before we went away on hols this number text him but he wouldnt let me see the message. All I could see was the first line of it which said Hope you have a good time.. and I could see there were kisses on the end. Before I could snatch the phone off him he had deleted it and also deleted the number. I let it go because we were going away and I didnt want to ruin our holiday. While we were away he proposed and we had a great time but now we are back I have noticed he keeps bringing this girls name up and im getting worried.
I KNOW he cant be having any sort of relationship with her - I drop him off and pick him up from work everyday and we spent all evening and weekends together. Also his mobile phone bill gets emailed to my email address and is itemised with nothing strange on it so I dont know why hes started talking about her again. I guess im just worried his old feelings are coming back and what with me being a hormonal witch at the mo and him stressing me out, maybe im putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with 5?

Hmmm....sorry for the essay!!

alyxzandra

My fiance has two ex's who know the same people I know and he lived with both of them and dumped both of them. We both ran in the goth/rock scene of London and it is very incestuous. So, I run into ex's and ones he had flings with, but it is the same with me.

The first ex is friends with a friend of mine and we run into her all the time. She always ran up to my fiance whenever I was not around to see how things are going. But, the looks I've received from her is something else! Sometimes, I felt like smacking that Finnish cow and tell her it is not my fault if she screwed up with him. BUT, my fiance does not text her and just keeps it at a hi/bye basis and always cringes whenever she comes around because he said she bores him.

The second ex - well, he does not want to even mention her name. In fact, she posted something on his livejournal when we first got together (congrats on the new relationship sort of deal) and he deleted it. As far as he is concerned she does not exist.

One of his flings contacted him last year by email and he forwarded it to me and also let me see his response. He told her he was living with me and if she wanted to meet up with him then it would be with the both of us. Of course, she never replied.

I still talk to one of my flings on a very casual basis, but my fiance knows all about it and also knows this man has no chance with me. But, again, my fiance and him have the same friends and met before I came along. I know for a fact that my fiance may look at another woman, but would never even consider it. And if he did it would be over once and for all. No second chances. And the same would be for me.

I think your OH is not helping you with feeling secure like my fiance has done. In fact, he is making you feel more insecure, if anything. Have you asked him why he is acting in this manner? If it was me, I would say to him how I feel and how he is making me feel. You very handily connected the dots in why you feel insecure: he received a strange text with kisses on the end and would not let you see it. That would make me ask: what game are you playing?

Now, this is just my take on it. However, bear in mind I have been married before and am much less tolerant of crap and game playing. Thus, I am more cynical. Only you can know in your heart what you are feeling.

Spartacus

I completely agree with alyxzandra I think your OH is making you feel insecure. I think you were the bigger person and showed the trust was there when you let him carry on texting her. I am not sure I could handle that as before me and hubby got married his ex used to always text him they never met up but always stayed in touch by text eventually I let it rip as I didn't understand why if they never saw each other why she had to text him and vice versa I told him it almost felt like he was keeping her at arms length just in case anything happened between us (in hindsight that is the most horrible thing I could have said to him as my hubby loves me to bits) and why she had to keep in touch with someone else's man is bizarre because I am sure if the shoe was on the other foot she wouldn't be so keen on her own boyfriend keeping in touch with an ex. The looks I used to get when I saw her out in town once was just awful and childish anyway that was a long time ago and I have digressed I do apologise....

So basically if I were you I would ask him why he feels like he needs to keep in touch with her and what a cow for when you mentioned before about wanting him back when she knew he was in a relationship with you - I really cannot tolerate it when women do this to one another there is no need find yourself another man....jeeez!

I am sure there is nothing in it but I would still tell him how you feel and especially as you are feeling more insecure and hormonal at the moment it isn't really helping matters.

rant over have one of them!

alyxzandra

Some women (and men) try to keep some sort of control over their ex's and like to take a big wooden spoon and stir. My ex-husband is trying it on with me (we share custody of our dog...GRRRRR), so I just told him to deal with my fiance in regards to anything.

I agree to ask him why he wants to keep in contact with her. And yes, she is such a total MOO for trying to get him back when he was with you! She obviously could not keep him - an ex is an ex for a reason.

Spartacus

Very true!!

Why do people have to be so irritatingly nasty and go out of there way to ruin other people's lives? I mean you aren't involved in their life for a reason any more so JOG ON!!

Am venting a lot of anger here thanks xxx

Sparky0207

Rant away ladies! Get it all out!

I dont have a prob with them being friends if thats all it is - friends. I do have a problem when there are feelings involved. Me and OH have been together just over 3 years now and this girl has never got with anyone else, she was totally hooked on him and to be honest, I felt sorry for her at first as she really was devestated when they split, but when I saw some of the messages she was sending him, I couldve killed the bitch!

I have asked him why he wouldnt let me see the message and his response was that it was a joke from that number and I wouldnt have liked it so he deleted it. I know thats a lie because I saw a bit of the message, and why would he delete the number too?

I know he loves me, he tells me all the time and is very affectionate and although he has been a bit of a b*stard lately, I do genuinely believe he thinks the world of me. But he has been bringing her name up lately - his brother even said last night that she had text him asking how my OH was!! I feel like im being paranoid and I really dont think he would cheat on me again (even if he could find the time) but I cant ignore that horrible feeling that keeps coming over me