anita665

OH's parents have come to stay from France. They're nice enough people but with the baby there are some differences of oppinion!

They wanted to look after him for a night so we could get some sleep. I breast feed and wasn't happy for him to have formula since I'd stopped the top-up feeds but OH convinced me. I only made up 2 bottles and since he feeds every 2-3 hours when given formula I thought they'd bring him into me in the early hours for a feed.

At 7am I woke up covered in milk and very upset he wasn't back with me. In fact I didn't get him back till 8am. I thought they'd just somehow been lucky and he'd slept for ages.

Then later on as I'd had very broken sleep worrying about him anyway, I went for an afternoon nap and left him with his dad and grandparents. After an hour or so OH brought him into me for a feed. I was horrified when he told me he'd been crying for a while because his mum said to leave him to cry when he's hungry for a while so that he doesn't feed so often. Suddenly it dawned on me how those 2 bottles lasted him all night. OH went on to tell me how we should apparently not feed him at night or he will get into bad habbits like OH's sisters first baby.

I felt so guilty that I'd left my little boy in that sort of situation. I completely disagree with this and since then have been trying to tactfully not leave him with them since.

The problem is OH takes everything they say as if it must be right since they have so much experience with 4 kids of their own and 5 grandchildren. How do I explain that I want to do it my way and my way isn't hurting him? Also I don't want to offend his parents. I don't mind hearing peoples advice but I don't have to take it. If I say anything to OH though I think he might take it the wrong way & think I just have a problem with his parents.

Jo

You see that is the problem with a lot of grandparants, they don't seem to get that things have changed in the last 20 or so years!!
I really feel sda for you that they are saying not to give night feeds, as we all know that is a load of rubbish, goodness Jack still had milk through the night at 18months ( though i wished he wouldn't)

All babies are different and have different needs and maybe that is what you should say to them, so it waon't cause offence, if that fails, fall back on " my MW/HV says..." that tends to shut people up

At the end of the day Pierre is only 2 weeks old and need feeding as often as he need it, there is so much time to get into a routine

Hope you are not stressing too much hun

Elli21

Not give night feeds...how silly! All babies get hungry during the night. Jesus, hes only 14 days old! what do they expect? For him to suddenly stop crying because hes not hungry anymore?
Im sorry, but if it was me, id just say that hes my baby, and im doing what i think is right. Let them know that you do apprieciate them trying to help but only if they are going to do it the way you want it done.
And as for OH, i think alot of men seem to think that way about what their parents say..i know mine does..and that was a battle and a half.
Sometimes you have to say what you mean and mean what you say to be able to make people see that your serious about how your child is brought up.
I think you have every reason to be upset. I know i would be.
Hugs!

Elli21

That seems to read wrong..i didnt mean it to be bolshy and in ya face. Try reading it upside down or something xx

Sparky0207

Thats crazy, hes only 2 weeks old! Is that what they did with their children, let them go hungry in the night?

Ive not had any children yet but I know I'll have a similar problem when my LO comes in August - OH is already saying under no circumstances am I having an epidural as his family dont agree with it!!

Is it worth having a word with your OH when his parents arent around and explaining how you feel? They've had their kids and now its your turn - im sure they didnt listen to every bit of advice they were given and so neither should you. You are Pierre's mum and you know him better than anyone else, so if he's hungry in the night and needs a feed - feed him, no matter what anyone else says!

Good luck hun

xxxx

leeanne

That's absolutely nuts! At the age your baby is, it's important that they get regular feedings.

UGH! I'd be upset too!

Samantha675

OMG, seriously, he is only 2 weeks old! He is used to being able to get food ANYtime, now he has to work for it, that is hard enough. Poor little man. You need to tell your husband that while you appreciate his parents advice, that this is ya'll baby, and you need to be able to raise it the way you see fit. They had their kids, and now it is your turn. HE needs to be the one to tell them as well.

foxyroxie

oh my thats really bad id put ur foot down and say u will do it your way

TashaAndBump

Oh hun

I appreciate you don't want to upset your inlaws, but you need to lay it out that this is YOUR baby and you and your OH will raise him in your way as a couple... It does of course complicate things that your partner seems to take everything they say as if it must be true... I think you guys need to sit down and have a long talk about that. Just because it's your first time does not mean that you will not know what is right when it comes to your baby - on the contrary, your maternal instincts will be stronger now more than ever... and if it helps, I think you are right.

I personally wouldn't be able to stay in such an environment with other people trying to take control of my baby - especially if their views were so contradictory to my own on what was best for my child.

I know you don't want to upset your OH or his family, but your feelings matter too - and so do Pierre's! If you want to get away for a few days or until his parents have gone back to France, there's a sofa here that you are more than welcome to!

Take care hunni, and stand up for yourself and your boy!

[edit: MrBum wishes me to pass on his best and he says " I was absolutely disgusted by what happened. Your OHs parents had no right to do what they did...]

missjess

OMG!!!! That's crazy... I'm sorry you & your little prince had to go through that...

It scares me, my in laws are flying in on friday and I don't trust them with my son... Even though they had so many kids. And I know that my husband will take everything they say like it must be right... + I'm like you, I'm gonna have trouble saying no.