Have posted this in First Tri but since realised it should be better in here.....


My mum (who is 44) wants to have another baby!! Im so against it but i also feel bad because she said that she only not having one because me and my brothers and sisters are against it. But i think she will go ahead anyway.

Here's why me and my brother and sister are against it.

There is my brother (age 27) me (age 25) and my sister (23 in august) and my little brother who is 12.

When we were younger we were really poor because my mum has never worked and has always claimed benefits. We used to only get our clothes from charity shops or from my cousins when they didnt fit anymore, our house was always run down, overcrowded and we had mattresses on the flloor. I didnt have my first holiday until last year. I feel like she never tried enough to make our lives better.(she is a single parent but still). Well even though we are older now she still doesnt work. She is living in temporary accommodation (because we were all evicted from our council flat 7 years ago cos she never paid the rent - since then my brother, me and my sister rent so she just lives with my little brother). So when my little brother need clothes, school uniform etc my sis, brother and me club together (with me paying mostly cos i earn more than the others) so i think if you cant afford the one you have why have another?

Also, she is lazy, didnt take us to the park etc.

Also she is seeing a married man!! What the hell is up with that??

I think she wants to have another child (actually she wants another two!!!!) because she is bored and once my little brother is 16 she wont get much help but with two children she will. I think she is too old, she has problems with her lungs as she smokes lot and i just think she should get off her arse and get a job. And i definately do not want to be pregnant the same time as my mum and i feel she is trying to steal my thunder. she is going to be a gran!!

But i feel bad for telling her how to run her life because amongst all this she was a good mum (in that i always felt loved) and i dont feel i should be telling her how to live her life but i dont want her to have anymore kids.

Any advice??

hey chick, sorry to hear you are having a bad time of it.
I know it's crap but at the end of the day your mum is going to do what she wants to do anyway, as you will already know.
I know they say that all a child really needs is unconditional love but unfortunately it also needs food and clothes...which costs money and by the sounds of it money is something your mother doesn't have.
sounds harsh but it seems like she's looking to the future in the wrong way!! If your younger brother is 16 soon, she will stop getting any money for him and will have to live off what the government gives a single person, which is peanuts.
Having another child ( or two) will guarantee extra income for at least another 16 years, and if thats the only reason she's doing it then it's wrong.
I wouldn't feel guilty chick because in the long run if she does have more children and she provides them the same lifestyle that she gave you....telling her that it's wrong could be the best thing for you to do, just think how you felt when you were younger.
good luck chick and keep us updated

I am sorry to hear about all of this and I can't give advice as I wouldn't know what to do myself if I were in your shoes.

Perhaps she's a bit broody due to her age and realizing that all her kids are grown up or almost there. I know that when my kids were out of the baby stage and I saw a mom with a baby, I got broody. Maybe your pregnancy is creating these feelings in her. I don't think she is intentionally trying to steal your thunder.

As for not having money for things, well, that is tough. My mom was single and brought me up. We didn't have much money as she was on disability for much of my life. However, the things she did give me were morals and love and that is the most important thing in life. Yet, if she's struggling so much now and you are helping her with clothing for your little brother etc. that's not such a good situation.

Could she be wanting another baby in order to gain more benefits?

What I find wrong too is her seeing a married man. Would this be the man she'd try and get pregnant with?

Yep!!! Apparently he is making it worse because he says things to her like "imagine what our kids would look like" etc...also he isnt leaving his wife so she could be doing it to make things happen between them. Also he keeps saying things like "if we had a baby i would get you out of this flat (her temporary place) and put you in a nice flat) which i think is complete bull**** and its all stuff he is saying so she stays with him. She is completely head over heels. And expects me to be happy for her but me or my sister and brother arent...how can we be happy you are with a married man??? Also he has a good job so she could get money maybe?

definately i think she would do it for benefits as they have stopped her money now....she could then try and get a permanent place if she has more kids...its so getting on my nerves...even when i told her im pregnant she was just like Hmmm cos she feels jealous....

My Mum got all broody when my sister was pregnant with my parents first grandchild, my sister was also really upset and felt like she was trying to steal her thunder too. My sisters says that my Mum told her "it should be me having that baby", crazy?!? My Mum was 45 at the time and behaving pretty oddly, I now know she was going through the menopause.
We also grew up with very little spare money, and I hated always having hand me downs from my cousins, I know that must be even harder in this day and age because kids are so aware of fashions etc from a young age. I did grew up with a lot of love and support from my parents though, and I'd say that was the most important thing, but if you do think your Mum's doing it just for company, or to not have to work, those are not the right reasons to be bringing another child into the world. I would ask her upfront what her reasons are, of course she may feel she doesn't have to explain to you, but it may at least make her stop and think.

Ive asked her why she wants another child and she says cos she really wants some more kids....plus she really loves this married man she is seeing so i tink it is that aswell

I don't know your mum so can't judge, but they are changing the lone parent benefit (income support) soon. At the moment you can claim as a single parent until your child is 16, but that is being reduced to 12 this year and by 2010 to 7. lone parents then have to claim JSA and have to look for full time work. I don't know if your mum's area is a pilot area, so she might feel that she needs to get pg

My mother is broody too. I think you never stop going through these phases even though time moves on. I mean, my mother is 59 and can't have any more children. But she broods like a mother hen

i totally understand where your coming from and it's probably cos she's bored!!! My sil is contemplating having another child (she has a 1yr old) and not because she really wants another child but because she's bored and doesnt want to get a job because she'll lose her benefits!!!!!!!!!