Faerie

Not really sure what I think will come of me writing this thread but just thought it might help.
So here's my story (and I'll try and keep it not too long). I moved to Switzerland in 2004 to get away from a bad relationship (I was only 21 but had been with the guy since I was 16). I spent a year as an Aupair, and whilst here was picked up off the floor one night (literally, but that's another story) by my now husband. I spent a summer in Paris before he asked me to move in with him, we got married just over a month ago.
I guess I have what you'd call a privileged lifestyle, we're not super rich but we both have good jobs, more than I'd earn back home, and don't have to worry. My hubby works away 6 days and comes back 4 or 5 (can make TTC slightly difficult). The thing is, I hate being an expat. Whenever you make friends they soon move on, people are only here for a couple of years. I learnt French, Italian and I'm learning Spanish but I really dislike the (Swiss)German language and the people here are weird, another breed, even if you can speak their language you'll never fit in. And I hate my job, I know some people would stick it out because of the money, maybe if I already had children I'd have different priorities, but I feel it's just not worth it.
Ok, so the long and short of it is... I've decided to go back to the UK for a while. I need to pass my driving test, I want to get some experience in a different career annnnd I miss my family. I'm fed up of being in and out of hospital, and although I have 3 fantastic friends who I can call on.. it's not the same and 2 of them will be leaving soon. We've had a shitty time with all my health problems and mcs and I feel like I won't have a successful pregnancy until I leave here. Thing is, I know DH doesn't want to live in the UK. He'd follow me wherever I go but I'm so scared I'm going to mess everything up. I've handed in my resignation and now I'm panicking! We're so happy and I'm worried I'm ruining that but I can't carry on living here, it's driving me crazy
Apologies for the self-indulged rant.
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Vickie

Hopefully you and your DH can sit down and discuss how you are feeling. I'm sure if you explain to him your reasons for wanting to go back to the UK he will understand.

Faerie

He does understand, and he's going along with it because he's a sweetheart.. I just know he hates the UK. Scared that I'm going to make this upheaval and it won't be the right decision and and.. aaargh, get a grip!

Vickie

Well it sounds like you have a great hubby. He could learn to like living in the UK, or after a while there you could decide you are ready to try something else, together as a couple, you never know what life has in store for you. Good luck!

Faerie

Thanks Vickie, I know we'll work it out in the end, I'm just scared of "bursting the bubble"

leeanne

It must be a tough situation to be in. I hope everything works out for both of you and the move will prove to be a positive one!

Faerie

I know there are people in much tougher situations, and I count myself lucky that this is "all" I have to worry about these days. Guess I just need to start telling myself it WILL be a positive move and stop thinking that everything has to go wrong at some point!!
I bought a book a few years ago called "women who think too much" perhaps I should actually read it...

Alchemist

I recommend you do read. its important to learn about yourself. I would try not to worry but rather sit down with hubby and set a game plan. If you are having a baby it makes sense to be with family (especially your first). set short term goals ie. a year for first baby and then you can reassess.

my aunt always said that where you live depends on your hubby's work situation BUT i think you also need to have family around as well. i am sure you can reach a compromise..........

carmen

Hi Darl,

I do kno whow you feel because i am in an exact situation, i have lived in Holland now one year but i was brought up in Spain (i relocated here to be with my now husband )

It was easier for me to live in holand as i sooke perfect english and he didn t speak spanish. My husband is niot dutch but as been brought up in holland therefore its what he considers home.

Now i am going to answer you truefully here...... You say you have got it good there both with goods jobs....so you sound the same as me.

We can do what we want here both have a good income etc etc.... i have good colleagues but all my friends are in spain.

I miss alot of things ......LOADSSSSSSSSS. My mother is in england and i know that is also a good country to live , healthcare , dental and things basically that i just love.

But i know that my husband... would not like it and feel even more isolated.
And then comes the jobs ...... here we have security but there it would be easy for me,cos i have worked with alot of airlines etc (i worked in the travel industry) But for him its a whole new place and i don t wanna put that pressure on him, or make him unhappy.

Cos in reality it could work like this , just how you hate living there , he could also hate living in the u.k and sometimes it doesn t matter how much you love each other there will be a strain as some is not happy.

But in the end someone as got to scarifice.

But if he is still doing his same job and then coming back to the u.k maybe it wouldn t be so bad.

I think its good if you do like a plan you say to him, listen try a year in the U.K with me and if you don t like it then after a year , we have a discussion again.

And remember if he comes to the u.k and there are days when he is miserable to be angry ... lol

Just remember that you where in that situation and just try new things to make life enjoyable.

I sometimes think that my oh would love london but anywhere vilaagey , he would hate.

Its a hard situation, i know cos i go through it , when the sun is shining i think of spain... its a hard sacrafice but our relationship is a good one... so i agreed we will have our first child in holland and then if i still feel a little alone we will discuss.

You have gave it three year ... so i think its time for you to try something else and maybe when you have good energy again and are relaxed in england... you going to easy get your

It will all work out for ya

carmen

woooooo..... didn t realise how long that was ... just wanted to let you know...that i know EXACTLY your feeling x