I have to start another thread 'bout this as sometimes it really drives me nuts and I don't know how to deal with it!

we are living with OH's twin brother and he is acting very strange!

he doesn't pick up and cuddle Juleika once, he never asks me if I need some help with anything or if I need sth from outside
he is off work @3pm and always passes the shops on his way home from work! and as OH always comes home late, mostly at 9pm, I well would appreciate some help in between from somebody, even it is only looking after the baby for half an hour!

but there is coming nothing from his side, he even doesn't clean a bit in the flat! OH and me are doing all the cleaning and tidying in the flat around the baby and work!

he is our only relative over here in UK and we are living together and therefore I find it is not right the way he acts!

but as it is so much strange, I am assuming he is an Asperger, but I am not sure!

does anyone have experience with Asperger and can give me tipps, how to deal with his attitude, which seems to be: "I am not bloody bothered"

I don't have any direct experience with aspergers but I've known an 11 year old for most of his life who has a different form of autism and is hyperactive so I think my experience could be relevant.

The boy I know doesn't understand the consequences of his actions and can't really empathise at all. Socially, if you see him with his friends you can tell he isn't always comfortable and the other children know he's different but don't really understand how.

As he's gotten older he's become better socially and things but I can see how it would be frustrating to others as he needs more time to do some things, often just missing things that would be obvious to us. Sometimes he just needs to be told something to understand it and be given alot of time.

Have you asked him to help out? Maybe he doesn't know how?

Hope things get better for you.

thx for your answer

yes, OH has asked him to help more, and OH also told me to just ask him, when I need sth!

e.g. when I ask him for, he brings me sth from the shops, but when I ask him to look for the baby it just doesn't help as he doesn't speak a single word with her!

and you know, often you will have to distract and/or entertain babies!

what you say: "often just missing things that would be obvious to us" and that he doesn't know how to help seems to be spot on!

for me it is so difficult to deal with it, as sometimes I just feel like screaming at him: can't you see were you hand could be needed!
but of course that wouldn't help at all!

socially, he is very difficult as well! in the beginning he didn't even say "hello" or "bye" to me, once coming and going!

from his own he doesn't speak a single word to me!

sometimes, I feel like it drives me nuts and I don't know what to do about it!

I mean, if he is an Asperger, he is like he is, and he doesn't behave like this on purpose nor can it be changed in any way!

is there something I can do to improve the situation?

I always try to involve him in our day, but with the baby 24/7 I often don't have the energy for it!

I can understand how you feel but unfortunately I don't think you can really do anything. If you feel like he's being more of a burden than a help maybe ignore him where possible because there isn't a way to make him understand how you're feeling. I don't think he'd recognise that you try to include him so I reckon that all you really can do is try to be understanding as I know you are.

Hope your situation improves

the problem is, I cannot really ignore him, as we are living together with him in a two bedroom flat, there is not much space to go out of his way!

but sometimes I just kind of "hide" in our bedroom with LO when he is in the living room, as I can't stand he is only sitting there on the computer without saying a single word to me

as well that he never picks up LO and cuddles her hurts me! it's her Uncle and he is so distant to her!

the situation is very difficult for me atm and I really think it only will be solved once we move out here!

and last time, I got really very dissapointed as it was my birthday and we did a picknick in the park with friends and he didn't come although I invited him

Hello,

Haven't posted on this bit before, tend to stay in TTC. I have worked with young people with aspergers. Have you showed him how to distract her, pick her up etc? Might be that he just doesn't know what you want him to do. If you give him instructions in plain language that might help? It sounds like he's not going to get offended by what you say to him so you could give it a go maybe?

Good Luck x

thx for your reply

if I tell him what to do he isn't offended and does it!

but sometimes I find it just too complicated to explain him what to do, as when you have a baby every helping hand is welcome and needed! you see, by the time I explain him what to do, I have done it myself already!

as well the biggest issue about it is, that I only assume he is an Asperger, but I don't have a confirmation!

I think if sb would tell me, yes, definately he is an Asperger I could handle the situation far more easy as then I would just know why he is behaving like this!

my 14 year old brother has aspergers, and he is so loving and helpful. I think its different for everyone.
My brother has a few odd habits, such as wiping everything with his finger, and he also becomes obsessed with things, when he was 4 years old he had an obsession with my hair scrunchies, and wore them on his arm-never taking them off. Everyone is different with it i think.
xxxxxxxx

tell him to get his arse into gear!

My nephew has Asperger's syndrome so can give some input from knowing him. He is now 19 and studying to be a lawyer but know he has often been misunderstood. Hard to tell what was just typical male teenager behaviour and what was due to the aspergers. He finds social interaction and communication difficult.Hes not very good at picking up subtle messages such as body language, facial expressions, 'hidden' gestures etc. He finds it difficult to express himself emotionally and can be quite withdrawn.

apparently OH always told me his twin was always looking after their younger sister when she was born (about 10 years age gap and he was then about 10-14!)

that's why we are both kind of shocked about his behaviour!

but, it might be the age, no (he is 41 this year)???