I have just caught my husband flirting with a woman on the net. some random woman he met through facebook. He was telling her how beautiful she was, what an amazing body etc etc. they talked about a place to go where they could 'chat' properly ie messenger and she talked about sending him naked or more explicit photos of her. I knew he was hiding things because he changed his passwords and logged off from facebook every time he left the pc and shut down screens when i entered the room. he denied this totally but if his behavious was not so radically different I would not have suspected he was up to no good. I am really really upset by this and very angry. I am 8 weeks pregnant. he has told me I am over reacting and it was just harmless flirting. He will not discuss it any further and I am just supposed to forget it. I mentioned that a man seems to be more likely to have an affair when she is pregnant...he agreed saying its because men were men. I have asked to to go to a different room this evening simply because i cant stop crying. I want to talk about it. I wanted to go through the emails to explain to him how they all made me feel but he has deleted them after I told him i wanted to go through them with me. He just wont discuss it at all.
Am I being unreasonable for being so upset. should I just forget and accept it. If I should....I dont know if I am able. I dont know what to do ....I feel absolutely mortified and betrayed. As he has said...it is hardly infedelity....but i feel it almost is....we have waited so long for this baby and been through alot to get it (vasectomy reversal).
Can someone please advise
Sorry this is so long....and probably incoherent!!

Sorry to hear you're upset It's hardly surprising though, I would be too if I caught my DH doing the same thing. Even though it's all online and not face-to-face it's still not on (in my opinion)...

Try to explain how it makes you feel and also how would he feel if you were doing the same with another man? It might make it easier for him to understand then.

Try not to get to upset though (easier said than done) it's not good for you or LO. Take care and hope this gets sorted soon

xx

I just want him to hug me, tell me he is sorry....tell me he was a prat....take responsibility and show me that it is me he wants not some internet tarts willing to take their clothes off for any man willing to pay them a compliment!

so sorry he is being a prat but sometimes men - even the ones we love - are total prats. I really think you need to get some concelling between you two to talk it over in a safer environment. my DH and i do it (damn expensive) but some realtionships need that kind of support..... it sucks but it does help!!!

This is my opinion. Being an opinion, what I'm about to say is neither right nor wrong. I don't believe flirting on the internet should cause any harm to a relationship. It's not real. You have a real life with this man, he is really with you and he is having a baby with you. This person on the screen is just a fantasy, and all men have those right? I think you both need to sit down and have a talk about what is acceptable in your relationship. Good luck.

The facebook thing sounded harmless until I read he wanted to chat with her on messenger and they want to exchange photo. Also the comments he made to the girl is inappropriate.Sudden changing of password just confirms that he knows he is doing something wrong and wants to cover it up. I would keep a close eye on him....

No, this is absolutly out of order. Where would this stop? Photos? Camera? Telephone? Meeting up?
I'm sorry, but I would go beserk. To be honest it would be almost a deal breaker for me.
You need to look after yourself though hun Getting too stressed is not good for you, difficult given the circumstances...

I have to say, it would be pretty hard for me to look past it too. Sorry if it hurts hon, but i agree, where is the line? It ruins intimacy if he is putting sexual energy into someone other than you...... i had this fight last year about a bachelors party (and thats where my line is, anything more and it would have been over).....

but try therapy to get down to the real reasons he is doing this........

I agree with Newt, if i discovered my DH doing this behind my back i would absolutely go made at him. Cheating in my mind is not neccessarily physical i would feel more betrayed by an 'internet love affair' (secret messages and emails etc) than i would a one night stand. I personally believe it is more of a betrayal to write such personal intimate things, whether it is on the internet or simply emailing someone at work.
You are totally within your right to feel upset with him, he needs to understand that desiring another woman and contacting her to sustain this 'desire' is not acceptable, in my mind (not sure whether many people will agree) but i would class as cheating. I'm not very good in explaining what i mean, but hun you need to maybe write him a letter if he won't talk to you.
Just explain how it makes you feel and then leave it to him to make the next move, he is being immature in not discussing it and obviously feels like he is doing something wrong otherwise why hide the screen and change the passwords? guilty consience i think.

I hope you get it sorted soon, try not to worry i think most relationships go through similar things it makes them stronger in the end.

I think thats totally out of order to be honest. If I found my OH doing that he'd be out of the door, but thats only because something very similar happened to my best friend and caused her a lot of heartache.

I would sit down and talk to him. Tell him it makes you feel horrible and that you would like him to stop.

Hope you sort it out hun.

xxx