horrorheart13

I know all I do is complain lately. I'm really sorry

I'm done waiting for my OH to make a positive change. Right now he's on his way to being completely drunk and the only thing he can worry about is finding people to play poker with so he can lose our last $30. We'll have no more money until I get my food stamps on Wednesday. He doesn't have a job. STILL. And he's not looking. He's more concerned about having fun and finding some way to get away from me. I'm so fucking sick of it. I just don't know where to go from here. I don't have a job either ATM and the only place I could move to would be my Grandpas house. And the more I think about it, the less I want to have to live with him. He's over 70 and I wouldn't have my internet, much privacy, I really doubt I could take my cat (I have two, but one is OHs) and not taking her with me is just not an option.

I really have no idea what I'm going to do but I can't stay with him anymore. He's incapable of showing any affection and he's incapable of being a responsible adult. And I can't wait until the baby is born to make this decision. I know he might change when the baby is born but I'm not holding my breath.

I love him but I know now that he doesn't love me.

I really have absolutely no one to talk to about this. If I talk to my mom and then we stay together, she'll hate him and I've worked so hard to convince my family that he's a good guy (even though he really isn't).

I'm at my wits end. I really don't know what to do right now.

goldlion

You know how I feel about him already.

You sound so unhappy. What if you stayed at your Grandfather's house just temporarily? Can you apply for low-income housing at all? I think it would be a good idea for you to get out of that environment, you and little Jerry need a stable situation. It may seem impossible to leave, but you will be much better off. I'm not necessarily saying to leave you OH, but rather maybe you should live apart for a while and try to mend things if you wish to do so.

I hope you're able to figure it out, horror. You're such a nice girl and you and your little boy deserve a happy life.

Never let a man walk all over you, hun. Assholes like that don't deserve women like you!!!

Rumpskin

Oh darling, your situation really saddens me. I agree with Goldlion, get out and stay with your Grandpa, I know not ideal but it has got to be better than what you have at the moment.

I went through a sh*t time at Christmas and stayed with my parents for a few weeks. It was not ideal but it turned out to be a godsend in the end.

Your family are there to help you.

Your OH sounds like a complete waste of space. He should be supporting you and your LO not playing bloody poker with what money you have left.

Maybe you moving out might be just what he needs - a bloody good kick up the backside.

From your photo, you look like a stunning woman. I am sure you wont be short of admirers.

Sending you a hug.

melbo

I went through a very similar thing 2 and half years ago. My relationship was physically abusive, and mentally. I grew to hate him, and one night we came in steaming drunk, and woke me up by throwing a glass of water in my face. I sat up, and shouted at him saying how i hated him, so he hit me in the face, and got on top of me and started to strangle me, i kneed him in the balls and he let go. The whole time i was screaming, and the neighbours came round, he answered the door to them at which point i called my mom and told her to get me. The police were also called. I have never looked back even once, and whenever i felt a replapse coming on, i looked at my scars and thought noway! Now I am happily married to a man i'd say saved my life. There is always light at the end of any tunnel xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

horrorheart13

I don't have time right now to explain it all. Needless to say he came home so drunk, he couldn't even unlock the door to get in. When I expressed that it was ridiculous to wake me up like that at 5am he yelled/mumbled something in drunk-speak. I set my engagement ring down and left for my grandpas. When I got home today at around 2pm he was cleaning the apartment which apparently had been covered in glass from whatever he did last night after I left out of anger. My computer moniter had had a beer bottle thrown at it and is now trashed. So his giant moniter is now in my computer area. I really don't know what would have happened if I would have stayed here instead of leaving. I came back to make sure he hadn't thrown my kitty out or worse. Luckily, she was fine. He doesn't remember anything. But he did see what shape he had left the apartment. Apparently he wa also so drunk that he pissed the bed.

I don't know where we stand now and it's up to me. I may see what we can salvage if he never drinks again. I don't think that's too much to ask.

I'll be back on here later. I'm numb right now.

horrorheart13

Nearly that same exact situation happened to me with him about a year and a half ago. Of course he doesn't remember it. And I'm starting to feel really stupid that I'd ever stayed. I think there's something wrong with me. I can't believe I still love him.

Waddler

You have to put your baby first and you know yourself that this is not a good enviorment for a child to be in. Stay in your grandfather's for awhile, till you can sort yourself out.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, especially when your pregnant but I just have to say that you're clinging to false hope. If he can't change now he's not going to, he sounds to me to be in a downward spiral and he is going to take you and your son with him if you do not leave now.

I wish you the very best and take good care of yourself.

Wobbles

Don't think you have anything to be sorry for hun

This sounds awful for you!

I think one thing you have to put infront of everything else including love is the healthy enviroment you need to provide for your baby! This has to come before you, him and anything else if grandpas is a healthy enviroment (safe) for LO then your doing the right thing. You could always connect up there if you stayed a while? What about your Moms? Hate to say this but you backed his corner & hes let you down I know its hateful and hard but again is sticking up for him scared of them thinking the worst really important compared?

I think you really need out sweetie its sad to see how unhappy you have been over a short period of time you should be happy and excited.

cupcake

i agree with wobbles, it will be hard but id get out. even if grandpa is only a temp solution. think about when the baby comes, is this a man who can be there for u all those sleepless nights. is this a man who can watch the baby while you take a nap. is this a man who will give the baby love, safety? if the answer is no, ure in for a very hard time, and ure better off moving out now and getting settled before the LO arrives. sometimes loving someone means letting go.

Kooky

Im sorry you are going through this right now especially with bubba in there. You've got to do whats right for you and the little one and need someone who treats you like a princess!! Grrrr Men!!!!!!
I hope it turns out okay
Kirsty
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