My mom and I never had a good relationship. I am an only child (as well as my mom and my grandmother). My parents divorced when I was 2 years old since my dad was physically abusive to my mom and cheated on her all the time. He was also in and out of my life on a sporadic basis until I was in my teens. He remarried a fantastic woman who told him he needs to be a part of my life and put him to rights. Since then, we have been in regular contact although it can be strained at times. Although they never had children, my stepmom took me under her wing and loved me like her own daughter. Unfortunately, she died in 2002 of cancer. She would have been over the moon to find out I was pregnant since she wanted to be a grandmother.

My mom always carried a lot of anger towards my dad. She was verbally and physically abusive towards me while I was growing up to the point where my school threatened her with social services. I suffered horrible and vicious beatings including one time when she knifed my leg and still bear that scar. By the time I hit my teens, it was a very volatile relationship since I acted out against her. A few months before my 18th birthday, she met her current husband and 2 weeks after my 18th birthday, they wanted me out of their home. It was my friend's mother who helped me get set up in my first place and another who helped me find a job. My mom believed I was jealous of her relationship and even told a friend of hers (who told me and broke off contact with my mom because of her behaviour) I wanted her husband! AS IF!

My mom's husband is with her for the money. My grandmother is well off and since they have been married (22 years now) she has been financially supporting them. She (along with a now deceased great-aunt) bought them a house (which was lost due to foreclosure) and sent them money for the mortgage, bills, food, etc each month. She would also buy them a car every few years. The husband hardly worked and when he did get a job, he has either been fired or "hurt" on the job to where he can no longer work (he claims). I've lost count of the number of employers he has sued for compensation. I am 100% certain this man is on drugs and my mom covers up for him.

My mom will always put him before me and he cut my eye in an argument while I was visiting them from the UK (they live in Florida). My mom approved of him throwing me out and refused to speak to me. She said it was my fault since I would not give them a $1000. I told them they needed to sort themselves out and would not give them money. He started screaming at me and threw a hard plastic glass at my face, thus injuring me. The top layer of my cornea was slashed, but my mom did not care. She has been constantly on me to give them money even though I did not have it and would not speak to me if I refused.

Every time I have a holiday, it has been spent going to Florida to visit my mom and grandmother. It has been very costly for me to go there because I have to pay for a hotel and car hire. My mom is disabled (a double amputee) as well as my grandmother (also an amputee). So, I made it a point to always go there instead of better places like New York or Egypt. Of course, my mom would never let me stay at her place because of her husband (she always says there is no room for me in their 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom place) and I would not stay there anyway. I did this in order to try to maintain some sort of a decent relationship with them. If I had to do it all over again, I would have not done it.

My grandmother is of no help. She was also physically and verbally abusive towards me as a child. She never bothers to call me and certainly would not help me out if I was in a dire situation. I last spoke to her before Christmas (I called her) and refuse to call her now. I feel she can call me if she is interested. She does know I am pregnant. She is also upset with me because I still talk to my father, who she holds in bitter contempt. She feels I should not have anything to do with him and recites situations that happened over 25 years ago. I have been in regular contact with my dad since I was 13 and now I am nearly 40!

My mom seems to be jealous of me. She always tells me she could not travel or do anything since she had a child to take care of. Or could not take a job because of me, etc. She always demands me to give her things if she sees me wearing something she likes, which I refuse. After my last visit to Florida, I decided to distance myself from her and my grandmother, but keep things civil.

I told my mom I was pregnant and suddenly she wanted us to come to Florida and stay with them after the baby is born. She was even trying to see if she could come over here by boat and kept telling me how much she loved me, wanted to be there for the birth, etc! She was into buying all kinds of things for the baby and acted like super-granny. She even wanted my fiance and I to leave the baby with her if we wanted to go do things while visiting. No way! I am too scared she would hurt our baby. If she could knife me when I was 7 years old, nothing would stop her.

Two months ago, I told her how supportive our friends were. One, who is my mom's age, is getting us a cotbed and moses basket. She never had children and adopted me like her own. Others have given us so much stuff that we hardly have anything to buy. My mom started saying things like what was she supposed to buy for the baby, she is nothing but sh*t, etc. I had enough. I asked her why she has never been there for me, but suddenly wants to be involved now that I am having a baby. She replied it is because I was a piece of sh*t. I hung up in tears and she has not bothered to call me. In fact, she does not know I am having a boy.

Part of me thinks it is best my son is not exposed to his grandmother and great-grandmother due to their behaviour. Yet, I am worried that when he is older it will be held against me by him. I also think they have a right to know him and I feel like an ogre keeping him away from his grandmother and great-grandmother. But, he will have his grandfather, who is coming shortly after the birth. One friend said it is not a big deal for him to be in contact with them since they live so far away and will only see them every so often. But, I have no idea how he will be treated although I refuse to leave him alone with them. I also need to add my mother's husband has admitted he hates children. In fact, he has a daughter he has not seen since she was a toddler and is in her 20's now. He never bothered with her.

I've put myself through university via scholarships and loans, have a good job and bought my own place with no help from anyone. I went through counselling to get over what has been done to me and recently finished it. My relationship is loving and secure. For the most part, I am very happy. My fiance's family likes me and I like them. This is the only thing that I am in a dilemma about.

Any advice? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

OMG! How awful for you to grow up in a situation like that!

I don't know what to advise. Yet, if it were me, I wouldn't have any contact with them. They've done so much to you and still are! It sounds like you are the only one who is trying in that relationship and that shouldn't be the case!

It sounds like your father has done a turn around and seems to be the best parent that you've ever had. And your OH family sounds wonderful too!

I've also read you other thread and I don't think you need to go through the stress.

Thanks...You just said something that totally makes sense.....I am the only one trying in the relationship. You are so right!

My instinct is to not have contact. My fiance said he only wants positive people in our lives. He also said if my mom did call, he would tell her I do not need to be upset by her and hang up. My dad is trying. However, I really wish my stepmom was still around. But, I am grateful for the wonderful people I have in my life.

I have to say that this thread really pisses me off and really has me steaming. And I am sure it's far more worse to be living the situation. How can a mother be so cruel? UGH!!!!!!!!!

Yes, be grateful as you do have wonderful people who support you. Your fiance is correct....I would only have positive people in your life. You don't need to be treated like you are from your mother and grandmother. They are the ones that should feel guilty, not you!

I did not mean to upset anyone! But, I feel the same as you. I never understood it.

I always said to my mom that the cycle of abuse stops with me. My child will never be subjected to abuse in any way, shape or form. After being told I would never have children and now, by some miracle, got pregnant, I feel I have been given a wonderful gift.

No worries about upsetting me. It just gets to me that mothers can treat their children like that, and put their OH before their children too.

I just feel so badly that that has happened to you. That's not the way a child's life should be. They should always feel protected and supported by their parents.

I think you have enough going on and don't need the drama from them. And to still be treated like a piece of crap at almost 40 years old, that's wrong! She should have grown up by now!

I am almost 39 years old. When I was two my mom divorced my dad because he was an alcoholic. He quit drinking a long, long time ago. I did meet him a number of times up until I was around 22, and it was then that I decided he was a negative in my life. No abuse, but just I didn't feel anything for him and I didn't feel I had any support from him. I met him once more about 4 years ago, but then he called every week and was being pushy, so I lost contact again. (He lives on the other side of Canada in Ontario.)

Do I feel guilty? Sometimes. Yet, this is my life and I only want positive people in my life.

Do you know what else I think will happen if you allow your LO to be subject to them? I feel they will put you down in front of your LO and your LO doesn't need to be hearing anything as such about his own mom. Just the feeling I get because they don't seem to care what they say to you.

You are so right in regards to protection. I always said that children will be knocked down enough in their lives and it does not need to start at home.

And I am glad there is someone else who understands what it is like to be in my situation. And you decided you did not want to have someone negative in your life. I am sure it is difficult at times for you, but you are so right. But, I think it is only natural to feel guilty, but why should we? We did not create the situation, only was forced to deal with it.

My daughter is already going through a tough time in school and she is in Grade 1. She doesn't need parents who knock her down more. Kids are going through a worse time than when we were kids.

Embrace what you have around you, hun. Embrace your LO. Sounds like you have a wonderful man and that there is a lot of love there!

PM me if you ever want to chat or I am on facebook too.