Sparky0207

Hello experienced!
I was saying to OH last night after parents had gone that I am feeling quite sorry for her too, not because of what she is going through as she has brought it all on herself but because I really do feel that she has some sort of mental health issues and I am very concerned for the baby once it arrives. OH has known this girl for 10 years or so and is convinced that shes not pregnant at all - hence the falling downstairs. He thinks she made up this pregancy for attention and because shes not getting the desired effect she wants to fake a miscarriage to create a bit more interest in herself. If she does this I will have something to say as ive suffered two miscarriages previously and its something very close to my heart.
Its her partner I feel sorry for more than anyone, he was totally shocked when she announced she was pregnant and is finding it very hard to take in everything that keeps happening. It is like a bloody soap opera!
I dont think the parents will just kick them out, they will help them and give them plenty of time, but they have been asking them to get their own place for a while now and nothing is giving them the kick up the backside that they need. They are in their mid twenties and expect to be waited on hand and foot - not fair on OH's parents at all. Brother in law is working all the hours under the sun to save for a deposit but she is just going out and spending so it never seems to happen.
I thought I was going mad with my cynical views so im glad someone else is thinking the same too!
It is a big weight off my mind that his parents understand but I now think I am being a bit selfish as maybe I should be doing something to try and help SIL even though I cant stand her

xx

experienced

Sparky, sorry to hear about your mc's, it makes it obvious to me why you need to have a positive and happy experience this time around and why her behaviour has been upsetting you. I understand you feel you ought to do something but I would think even if she is aware she needs help, she won't want it coming from you. Are the brothers close? I think if they could talk about it then it might be a start. Her own partner is the best candidate to get through to her. She sounds so desperately unhappy to be doing these things and I would have the same concerns re her baby and whether she is going to cope with the mature demands of it all. I suspect her fella is suffering in his own way too. Reaching out to him first might be a more sensitive approach. What do you think? At least let him know you guys are there for him. Is anyone in contact with her side of the family? What are they like?

Sparky0207

Her side of the family are exactly like her. They appear to have brought her up to believe that everything on earth should centre around her which has made her like she is. The brothers are very close and Ive suggested to OH that he has a chat but he is worried that his bro will think he is interfering, although I think he will want to sit him and talk to him eventually as he's worried about the effect its having on him. We've tried having a little chat with him already but he is very defensive towards her (which I can understand) so we dont really seem to be getting through. Just hope she gets some help now, at the end of the day her baby will be my little ones cousin and so we all need to be there for it.

experienced

I think let it be then for the time being. At least you have the inlaws on board and that must be reassuring and a great help. I'm sure this is not the last of it. Something will happen to force this situation out into the open. At the moment everyone is walking on eggshells but it can't go on like this forever. Good luck hun, hang in there.

Sparky0207

Thank you experienced, you have given me some great advice!
Im sure this wont be the end of it but I feel so relieved just to have got it off my chest and to have it out in the open with the in laws. Im positive there will be another 'incident' before long but I now feel I have a bit more strength and support to deal with it. Thank you

lousielou

Gosh Sparky, I really feel for you. You should be enjoying your pregnancy, not having to worry about your SIL's erratic behaviour! Experienced has said it best I think - hang on in there, keep your chin up, and try not to let it bother you (easier said than done I know!). I do think it's very telling that your MIL approached you about it though; perhaps they are more aware than you think, but are trying to play it down for some reason? Loyalty towards their son maybe? Hope everything works out xx

Sparky0207

needed to have another rant!

I thought all had gone really well with OH's parents but 2 weeks down the line and its all changed! Their promises to support us etc have amounted to nothing and all the concerns they expressed to us seem to have gone too but I dont understand why.

When we spoke with OH's parents that sunday they expressed the same feelings as us and assured us we wouldnt get pushed out but thats exactly what is happening. They no longer seem bothered about our baby but make a point of stroking SIL's (flat) stomach and talking about how excited they are about the arrival of their baby yet when me or OH mention ours we just get blanked

Last week we had the date confirmed for our 20 week scan, started to tell OH's parents and his mum interrupted half way through to say SIL had been feeling ill and she was going upstairs to run her a bath - they still dont know the date of the scan because they couldnt be bothered to listen! I couldnt believe it! SIL has also started decorating their room so its clear they have no intention of moving out and OH's parents have bought them LOADS for the baby already (moses basket, clothes, carseat) they have bought us nothing and keep telling us how skint they are. Its made worse by his mother calling to ask where I got things from so she can go out and buy the same for them! OH and I both feel incredibly left out - luckily my family are fantastic and have been so supportive but we still feel so let down by his family, especially after all they were saying a few weeks ago about how they werent even sure she was really pregnant. Maybe im just being a selfish cow again and expecting the attention to all be on me but they have gone from being really excited about their first grandchild and calling after every appointment to ask how things are going to not even bothering to call anymore, its really upset me

sorry to moan everyone, just needed to get it off my chest

toriaaaaTRASH