Home Life, Relationships & Finance

Thomas'mum · Nov 15th, 2006, 20:27 PM

for those who do not know, my oh and i have never been a good couple. we never go out (due to his agrophobia) but he hardly spends time with me. today he was in a right mood, just because there was no clean cups for his coffee. but he keeps them in his room and expects me to fetch them to clean them up. he does not do anything to help and expects me to clear up after him. He has spent all his day on his pc again, he is still not down . he chatted up other women on the phone a few weeks ago, which i went mad about.
to cut a long story short, i do not plan to leave him as he is a good dad to our son but our relationship is dead. he treats me like i am nothing and i do not like it. I am suffering from depression due to all the events that happened in the past and my self esteem is quite low. i just wanted to rant that is all. i wish he could change but it is like hoping to be a millionaire tomorrow lol I just wish i could be treated decently and feel loved, not just like a maid who provides him with everything and gets nothing in return.
sorry for the rant!!

sparkles · Nov 15th, 2006, 20:43 PM

You say he is a good dad but how can he be honey if he is on the pc all day in his room and showing you no respect therefore teaching your son the wrong thing.
You are right, you are not a maid.
You could go if you wanted couldnt you, dont be treated like this.

Jase · Nov 15th, 2006, 22:01 PM

go out more, he's not going to follow you

Wobbles · Nov 15th, 2006, 22:37 PM

Chatting up other women hun & you are going to stay!

I don't know you that much but I guess we can answer on what we read - LEAVE or give him some harsh realities!

He might be a fab Dad (how if on PC all day) but if you leave that doesn't stop him being a father to his lil one hun but it stops you being in a state of depression so you can find someone to apprieciate YOU!

If you are staying because he's a good dad then your going to suffer deeper & deeper and sorry why flaming should you?

My ex was chatting women up on a bingo site! Fuck that, that wasn't for me so we went to no sex to a convenient relationship to seperate beds & friends sharing a house! Worst thing I did 'put up for convenience' of ANY kind!!!

Hope I haven't over stepped the line!

x

Thomas'mum · Nov 16th, 2006, 10:05 AM

No wobbles, you have not!!!

The little people i know keep telling me the same thing but I don't listen.
I have accepted the fact that life is never going to be great, it is just sometimes, I need to rant about it

Wobbles · Nov 16th, 2006, 10:32 AM

Why should you accept that

It CAN BE - Don't put up with it, your kids learn from you & they do pick things like this up!

Dippy Yvanne · Nov 16th, 2006, 10:36 AM

i know how hard it can be breaking up with your babys father(due 2 recently having done it) but i grew up with my mum and dad fighting and i would never wish that upon anyone, the way i seen it, if he was not prepared to tend to my needs as well as the childrens hes not worth it, i mean dont get me wrong, he is entitled 2 see them whenever he wishes but u need 2 think about urself some times xx pm me if ya wanna chat hun

Tam · Nov 16th, 2006, 17:42 PM

Hi babe, I am so sorry you are feeling like this.......

Take it from someone who has been there, if you are not happy with him, then the best thing to do is to leave him, it doesn't matter how good he is at being a Dad, you need to be happy too. I watched my Mum be miserable for years because she thought she would deprive us of a Dad, but the truth of the matter was, we wanted her to leave, we would beg her to leave him as she was so miserable......it didn't make for the best home life at all, and my Dad was so selfish too, we saw right thru him and thought he was well out of order with all of us, he loved to rule the roost!

As nice as you think you are being staying with him for your kids, your kids will soon see right thru the whole set up and take that as a way to be in life......do you really want them to think as they get older that you have to stay put once kids are involved? Sadly my sister is very weak when it comes to men and doesn't want to be alone with kids, but seeing what my Mum went thru has made me strong, and I left my partner when I was 3 months PG as I knew there was nothing in it for us, I was no way going to have a false relationship where I wasn't happy, I owed it to my little'un to be the happiest I can be..........I have since found the best man in the world who is my little'uns Dad and we are now having a baby together and I am more than happy, there is no ruler in our house and we are all happy and believe in talking if there are any problems, that way we all stay as happy as we can!

I hope that makes sense and I hope it wasn't too harsh, but I have been where your kids are, and trust me when you see your Mum who you love more than anything get dragged down and have a life they hate (not kiddy wise, but in general) it is no fun and resentment sets in for the Dad, it makes for a very rough family life even with all the best intentions!

x

hauptuser · Nov 16th, 2006, 20:04 PM

I have to agree with Tam hun

How should your kids learn to respect other people if they watch their father not respecting their mother???

I have been there myself too! My mum never ever respected my dad and treated him like shit . I really hated him for staying with her since I wasn`t able to stand this situation. He was so miserable and he thought he was doing this for us.

Your kids won`t have a real happy childhood with this situation. They will always feel that you are not happy. They need a dad who deserves to love his mother and not vice versa!!!!!!!!!!

Hope this makes sense to you!!!

Iwantone!!! · Nov 18th, 2006, 20:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sparkles

You say he is a good dad but how can he be honey if he is on the pc all day in his room and showing you no respect therefore teaching your son the wrong thing.
You are right, you are not a maid.
You could go if you wanted couldnt you, dont be treated like this.

\

totally agree with u the kids do pick up onthings that go around them i should no my mum and dads relationship was down the pan they stayed together but it did not teach me the right way a woman should be treated its not fair on u or the child

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