now i understand all men are not the same...but me and my ex split up two years ago after 13 years together and 5 children...all the way through having our 5 children he had a drinking habit that got worst and worst in the end it cost him his job...he made mine and my childrens lives hell and i had to put a stop to it as the children were getting older and even tho i was hiding the arguements were still picking up on the tension and the fact daddy was drunk again...okay hes cleaned up his act now but now i have met sum1 else who happens to be great with our children and am expecting another babby by my new partner...i am on orders from the doctor to have complete bed rest...my ex has two of our children staying with him he is now using our children to try and get me to feel sorry for him and take him back...
this is really winding my partner up obviously...and i have tried to put a stop to it in a nice way but it isnt working its going from bad to worst...he doesnt really bother with our children unless there is a motive for it...which is ME

sorry this is so long but as anyone got any ideas as to how to make him understand it aint going to happen without hurting him...or my children...the last thing they need is to see their mammys hunni and their daddy fighting and that is what worries me...fair play to my partner he has been real good about it up until now

Have you spoken to your ex and explained you've moved on and although your willing to be civil and friendly towards one another you dont want to be with him anymore? Having a baby with someone else should prove that to him!

I once had a partner, whom i'd been with a long time, and he wouldn't take no for an answer, he always thought that some day we would get back together and when he'd had a drink would be texting me etc and visting my friends and family. In the end i just totally cut him out, changed my mobile number and told friends and family of my wishes. But we didn't have any kids between us, so i suppose your situation is a lot harder then mine was! Good Luck

[quote=Jules;256534]Have you spoken to your ex and explained you've moved on and although your willing to be civil and friendly towards one another you dont want to be with him anymore? Having a baby with someone else should prove that to him!

well i really would have thought sooo...and yes i have tried explaining the situation to him and it did calm down for a while to the point where his mum would pick up the children and we didnt really see each other but then it was abuse over the phone for no reason...now i am emotionally vulnerable due to my probs in this pregnancy he thinks he can take advantage...but i dont feel that way bout him anymore

He needs cold hard facts in order for him to move on.

Hope it all works out well lovely xx

my brother father is the sam we all hate his dad coz when his dad who lives miles away comes he only comes to see my mum my mum hates him he tries everytime to get into er knickers time after time she has told him where to go and last time 2yrs ago he finally got the msg and has been now where near since mybrother cant be arsed with him hes a totally W*NKER ur ex needs to get a grip and understand he lost u and no matter how much he has chnaged u have moved on and u have a new life baby on the way and hes is the one missing out not u and hes the one that messed up you and he has no right to put u on a guilt trip coz u made the right decsion to protect ur children and how dare he use the kids to make u feel guilty he needs telling straight as thus could affect ur existing relationship with other partner and the kids will get hurt good luck hunni xxx

my eldest son who is 12 1/2 yrs is now starting to see his dad for wat he is he wont even go to see him but keeps in touch by phone...i try not to influence my children as i think they will see for themselves when they are older...the others dote on him which can make me quite angry as he has literally done nowt for them...christ i only let him have my children up his mothers house as i know she is there to supervise the visits...i am also worried that once he gets it into his head he has no chance he will stop having contact with the children and they are going to be the ones that get hurt by that...

my new partner is 10 times better with the kids...he takes time out to do things with them which is a privelage they have only just had with their dad...what is really getting on my partners nerves is that he says that he wants us to get back together and have him raise new baby as his own...when he couldnt bring up his own children...hes a complete nutter

Hi Tanya,

I agree with what the girls have already said. He needs to be told politely but firmly that you appreciate that he has the kids for you, but there is no way that you will ever jeopardize what you have with your fiance to be back with him. Also, tell him that no matter what you and your partner would like him to have access to the children freely, but if he is just seeing them to get to you then access will have to be supervised by his Mum and he will have to stay away from you and your partner. More power to him for cleaning up his act, but he has to do it for himself and move on so that he can try to make it up to his kids. Not just try to get back with you all of the time. That is a selfish motive and he needs to get his head straight and stop the self denial.

Sit down with your fiance, and discuss what to do next with him. Tell him that under no circumstances are you expecting him to accept behaviour like this from your ex, but it will not solve anything for it to resort to a physical fight, that you appreciate how great he has been about it all but he needs to be the bigger man in this situation no matter how much he would like to bash his head in.

Then talk to your ex and make your intentions very clear and if he carries on causing trouble then he will not have free access to the kids anymore.

I hope that your pregnancy goes well and you sort it all out soon,

Redhorse xxx