Bec&Bump

Hey ladies

I really don't know what to do. I'll start at the beginning shall I.

Me and OH hadn't been together long but things moved really fast between us. We were inseperable and after a few months I got pregnant. He was over the moon about it at first, and initially I didn't know whether I was going to keep the baby or not because we hadn't been together long, but after seeing how made up about it he was I decided to keep it - which I'm glad I did now regardless of whats happened since, and to tell you the truth, I still have no idea why or how what follows happened.

I haven't seen my baby's Dad since October and prior to that he'd done a moonlight flit to Corfu for 3 months just after my first scan leaving me here on my own to deal with everything. Just before he went though he'd been having a drink in my house with my big brothers and I get woken up at 5 in the morning cos he'd trashed my house and tried to stab my brother. There was murder and I'd decided upon that event that we were no longer together, no matter what he said.

Since hes been back, that one time in October (just after he got back) is the only time I've seen him and I've spoken to him a handful of times on the phone, each time hes went out of his way to be nasty and hurtful to me. Hes threatened me on more than one occasion, hes a doorman and has threatened to send loads of them round to my house amoung other things.

Anyway, hes got a son from a previous relationship and recently phoned me out of the blue to tell me that hes getting charged for assaulting his kids mum and doesn't know whats goin to happen to him. He insists he wants to be part of the babys life though, but I don't know whether its best to let him be involved and let the novelty wear off - which it will cos he hardly sees his other little boy who lives 2 minutes away from him - or whether to take action properly. I don't want my baby to end up hating me cos his dad hasn't been there for him, or because he has been involved and broken his heart.

Theres loads more thats gone on other than that aswell but most of it escapes me now. Other than that, I'm heartbroken myself. Not because we're not together anymore, but because of how hes treated me. I have no idea why hes turned so nasty, and I just feel like a mug cos I'm the one whos been left holding a baby. I'm so angry! But can't do anything, which frustrates me even more.

Sorry about that I just needed a rant, any advice would be much appreciated.

elles28

I think you & the baby would be better off without him but thats just my opinion from reading your story sorry I know this is no help to you xx

leeanne

Wow!

I have to agree....you and baby are definitely better without him. He doesn't sound like a nice guy whatsoever, and to try and do that to your brother too! Ugh!

Are you afraid to deny him due to his threats, etc?

It's a tough decision to make and I do understand that you are afraid of what your child will think later on. But personally, he sounds like a very violent guy and I would not want him around whatsoever. Especially one who isn't afraid to hurt a woman, or whom almost kills your brother. It could go farther and the road he's on sounds like he possibly could.

I am very sorry you have to go through this. I am involved in a few real crime forums (crazy I know) and see what goes on in this world and it's scary.

Please be very careful!

Bec&Bump

Yeah Leeanne I am afraid of what he'd do if I was to firmly put my foot down and insist that he doesn't see the baby, but I might be worrying over nothing because hes made next to no effort during my pregnancy. There was an incident where I went to the hospital cos someone bumped into my belly and I was getting pains, and I sent him a text and he wasn't interested. Hes so fickle. One day he'll make out hes Dad of the Year and the next he won't care at all.

You are both right like, I don't want nor need him in my life and certainly not in my baby's life. I don't want him to be an influence on my little fella at all. His other little boy is 6 and he brags about how similar they are already, its hideous. And I know you're probably thinking, why was I with him in the first place? Cos I knew how horrible he could be, but he treated me like a princess. Thats why it was such a shock when his true colours really shown through.

Anyway thanks for your advice ladies and letting me let off a bit of steam.

mummyoffive

i personally would weigh up whether you think he would actually be a danger to the child. I mean I know he was violent to your brother but would he actually harm the child or do you think that him seing the child would be detremental? I would personally give him supervised access to begin with until enough trust was built up.
Good luck with whateva u decide

Iwantone!!!

ur right not stop ur child being seen by there dad however there dad must act in a proper way around him i.e treatin his mother with respect and be polite is there anyone when baby is born who with be a 3rd party and let him be with baby with someone indepent good luck hunni

Mango

Having a child is a lot of work in itself and you'll need all your energy minus the stress hun. It sounds as though having him in your life is not a positive thing because it brings stress and drama.

How he treats you is a reflection of how he will treat his child. I say get out while you can!

xclairex

you dont deserve that honey!! ur better off without him hope u and baby will be just fine xx

Bec&Bump

Thanks for all your advice girls, like mummyoffive said, supervised access might be the best way to go and see how things pan out.

Thanks though girls.

Jules

If i was in your situation i wouldn't have anything to do with him, but thats just my opinion, you need to decide whats best for you and your baby x

I don't think you would have any problem in keeping him away from you if thats what you want, as when he's sentenced for assaulting his previous partner all the relevant services will be involved with him and it will only be a matter of you speaking to his probation officer.