Sorry guys, me again. Apologise for bein so depressin lately. So i'm finally movin out tomorrow afternoon with Oliver.. And its killin me. I stil love Ewan so much and he still loves me. Ewan has done nothin but cry today says he cannot live without us, that its hurtin him so much to know we wont be here when he gets home, that he'll go in Oliver's room and it will be empty and he will miss so many of Ollie's milestones..this is hurtin me too.

I've never felt so much pain emotionally in my life. Ewan keeps sayin that we should meet up in a few weeks and have a chat and see how we feel then. He says to take all the time i need and he will try hard to sort himself out. He says he has to change cus losin us for good isnt an option.

I badly wanna believe us leavin will be enough for something in him to click so that he realises he does need to stop this temper problem with Ollie or he WILL lose his family. But at the same time i'm terrified that i will believe he has changed only to be disappointed later on- then we have to go through all this hurt again. I just cant accept its over. I ended it purley cus i didnt want my baby bein shouted at everytime he cries! But how can i accept its over when i still love him so much, when deep i'm hoping he can change? I cant bare to take his son away from him. Why am i so soft!? I hate feelin like this. I just dunno what to do anymore, i'm hurtin so much. Why cant he just stop it? One of my mates is a psychiatric nurse and when i told her what was happenin and abit about Ewan's passed she said she thinks he bahaves this way cus his step dad told him off and yelled at him when he cried and his mum ignored him. His step dad sometimes hit him too.She said he loses his temper cus thats all he knows. I can understand this and i feel sorry for him but surely if he had a bad relationship with his step dad all the more reason to be a better father himself?? I just want us all to be a family and to be happy. Ewan's still acting as though we are still together. He rang me from work earlier tellin me he misses us and loves us! arrrgh.

Worst thing is everyone i ask for help makes out he some kind of child abuser and that he will end up purposly harming Ollie and that i shouldnt let him see his son at all. Yes he shouts at him but i could NEVER see he EVER purposly harming his baby..or am i bein blind? x

Oh hun, it is sooo hard to leave someone when you still love them. I have been there and done that. I was married very young, and ended up leaving my husband because of his behavior. I knew deep down, he was not going to change, he was a drug addict. I knew that I had to get out, that it was the best for myself. It was soo hard, it hurt like hell for a long time, but I had to do what was best for me. That is what you are doing love, you are doing what is best for you and your son. You both deserve more than he is giving you. He need to get help for his anger, and learn how to function without getting mad. Try not to focus on your feelings, try to keep yourself busy with your son, and think about what is better for the two of you. I know it is very hard, but I found that at first if I just ignored the love feelings, I was able to get some distance, and then I could look at it all objectivly.

I really wish you the best of luck.

i dont think ure blind, unfortunately i think your nurse friend is right, these things repeat themselves and if he learns how to get out of it and treat a baby and what a good father is , you could very well see him change.
if you love him and believe in him then im sure youll give him the chance to change and when and if the time comes to know for sure i guess it will have to be gradual. in the meantime you can make sure he sees a lot of his son and knows that you still care about him. im sorry this is so hard for you, you are doing the right thing if your relationship has any chance of all of you being happy you are giving it that chance right now.

Big for you and Ollie. It's really tough, but you're strong, you can do it! Take care of yourself, and I hope your move out tomorrow goes smooth with no problems. Are you moving out while Ewan is home? Or will he be out at work or something while you sort yourself out? I just hope that if he is there, he does not get upset at the sight of it...as some men do. Good luck, hun, i will be thinking of you!

I hurt for you hun. Your post mad me sad for all 3 of you.

Regardless of situation Im sure he loves his little boy so much & him thinking of what he will miss in his sons life shows so ...

Seeking advice from those who know you both is best I know here has its plus sides but those people you know have a better picture - you know what Im saying?

Im sorry E has had a bad childhood - I too had a bad childhood and although I intend to be that opposite its quite scarey. My Aunt told me she never once hit her kids because when she was younger she was beaten & she was scared she'd like it However you don't have to turn out aggressive towards baby just because you experienced it - it can be just frustration that could still happen without a bad childhood - you see what Im saying? Maybe try talk this issue over with E - would he get help if he thinks this may be a problem/his normality?

Make sure your heart is doing teh right thing hun! I can only imagine how this step is going to hurt.

aww hope everything works out for you all in the end hun x

I am sorry lovely, sending you a hug

Hi thanks hun, yes he will be there when we move out..my dad's pickin us up. Thats what i am worried about as my dad's not very happy or impressed with Ewan.. i'm really worried he'll have a go at him and i really dont want that as ewan and i are on good terms and i want to keep it that way and despite what my dad thinks of him, he is still Oliver's father at the end of the day, i dotn want any bad vibes pushed onto him. And anyhow, i think Ewan is bein punished enough by us leavin without my family slaggin him off. I have told them not to say anythin but wether they listen is another thing! xx

its must be hard hunni but he needs to realise that ur not a push over and ollie did not ask to be shouted at coz hes crying ur right he needs to get it in to his head hes actions have conseeques (SP) and maybe u leaving in the short term will mke he realise what hes leaving but beware its not a false wall and the mask does not slip just coz he has proved he can be good he needs to conutie to chnage that is if he changes and his is also blackmailling u saying he will miss ollie milestone well im sorry and i now im sound blunt easy to say hard to do but hes the one that has messed up and needs help to understand why hes like this with ollie sorry its blunt hunni but u need to protect ollie at the end of the day good luck with whatever u do there nothing to stop u going bk at a later date xx

I admire your courage and strength and I know it must be damn hard. But you are doing what you think is right...you are thinking of your child. They come first!

My hubby and I have been together almost 10 years. In 2001 we had our daughter. In 2003, my daughter was 18 months and I was 8 months pregnant with our son when I upped and moved out of the house. Hubby owns his own businesses and though I could work more than 8 hours a day on his business while taking care of a 18 month old. The poor girl would fall asleep on my lap in the office and wasn't getting much attention.

Anyhow, he was being a big jerk for two months and we fought constantly.

Needless to say, during our separation I had our son and hubby was there to see the delivery. I couldn't deny him that.

We were separated for 5 months and got back together. I tell you, the separation helped tremendously. Things are just as good as they were before the two months prior to our split and his patience has been marvellous.

So, what I am trying to say is sometimes what one needs is to be separated. I absolutely hated him and thought I would never, ever go back. But, I am so glad that eventually I didn't totally close the door. The kids are much happier with both parents in their lives on a daily basis.

The door may not be closed definitely

Right now, you are making the right decision though and I would do the same!

ETA. BTW, he still hasn't admitted to his wrong-doing but he has changed (so to himself he must admit something). Funny, he blames it on my pregnancy hormones at that time. Yeah, right!