Def found it easier before i found out i was pregnant. Been with my OH nearly 4 years and got married last september. TBH it was so difficult in the early days i got so jealous. Now i just treat her as my own if that makes sense. I would say it took about 2 years before we were both truly comfortable with each. other. I think it helps that she is so young as well i'd imagine it would be more difficult with an older child.

Aww, hun, it will be ok. As mentioned, please be patient and remain strong. I think what it is is that you want your own child so bad. I've been there so I know what you are feeling. Trust me though, those feelings go away when you have your child!

i really feel for you bird because i have been through that too and still struggle with it sometimes. i felt like such an outsider. DH would sit on the couch and SS6 and SD11 and there was no room for me and it hurt because it was so symbolic of how i often felt. the kids were wonderful to me, still are, but i felt like i was sharing my DH with two other people i simply could not compete with. it took a couple of years to get over my jealousy and feelings of being left out but i'm getting much better because i did a lot of reading on the topic of stepfamilies and realised, it's so normal and common. many many stepmothers feel this way. and it doesn't make you a bad person because stepfamilies are not easy. there wouldn't be books about the topic if it were easy!

the things i did that helped were:

1) read lots on the subject of stepfamilies. you will be surprised at how it feels like you are reading your own story.

2) googled stepfamily websites and found some wonderful places to chat with other stepmothers, great way to get support and understanding.

3) speak to a counsellor if things get too much and you feel you can't cope. it's better to try and fix the problem before writing off the relationship entirely.

4) try hard to see it from the perspective of the ex wife. it's not easy for anyone and if the ex wife is giving you a hard time, it's highly unlikely it's a personal attack and probably more to do with how people often feel during divorce - angry, hurt, scared, and worried. the more i realise that not everyone will be polite to me and it doesn't really make any difference in my life if they are negative towards me, the easier it gets for me to shrug off anything to do with the ex wife.

5) be very open and honest with your partner. if you are worried about something, talk with them, but try not to go on the defense and let things turn into an argument if they have a different point of view. they only want the same thing as you, for things to be relaxed and happy for all parties. it took my partner and i a long time to get the communication thing right and it took hard work but it does get easier if you support one another and can talk well together.

6) see your stepkids as individuals and not as the spawn of the demon ex wife. they might look like her or even have some of her mannerisms, but they are totally separate people and this is a very hard situation for them to be in. they are often confused and scared and angry and insecure. my stepkids were wonderful to me from day one but i still found the skids a lot easier to relax around when i began to see them as individuals and not so much as their mother.

it's not easy and i give salute to any woman who is a stepmother. but it does get easier, i promise

Thank you so much for all your lovely messages!!! Its mad me feel 100% reassured !!! Thank you

I love my OH so much and his little boy and want to be happy together and not feel jealous as its not fair on either of them....i'll try my best to talk about it rather than getting so depressed like yesterday

you guys are so much help -

OH has the little one tonight and tomorrow, cant wait to see him....i think i miss him a lot too when he's not there and then feel silly for missing him as he's not mine if you know what i mean

xxxx