anita665

You may remember I was annoyed at my mum for trying to be far more involved in things to do with the baby than I wanted as we aren't very close & because of my childhood with her it makes me feel very uncomfortable.

She's already disapointed that it doesn't look like I'll be moving closer to them before baby is born and I took the advice of people on here and told her I didn't want visitors at the hospital unless I asked them to come in. I've also told her I want my sister to be the one to take us home from the hospital as we don't have a car & that if anyone is coming to stay and help out - again it will be my sister as we're very close and besides she should be helping out my step sister who's due 3 weeks later and is clinging on to my mum like.... a clingy thing (couldn't think of anything better to say, lol).

I spoke to her on the phone yesterday and she was getting really ahead of herself again, talking about when I go into labour, how I'll probably only be in hospital a few hours ect. Then started talking about how she'll have to be ready to come and pick us up! I said no, Lisa (my sister) is doing it but she carried on saying talking about what if my sister couldn't and saying she'll clean her car out ready. I told her if my sister can't then her OH will!

It's seriously starting to do my head in!! I feel guilty because I know she just wants to be involved but she can't push her way in & if she turns up at the hospital or the same day as I get home I am going to lose it!!!! I want to make the most of having a baby and not have to feel terrible that my mum isn't there or mega stressed because she is! Grrrrr

Thats me done. I feel much better now!

Sarah88

Parasite would be a good clingy thing

I feel for you, my MIL isn't as bad but it's still annoying! I hope that you manage to continue without killing your mum!

Vickie

Thought you could use a

leeanne

Hello. I have a question. Could it be possible that your mom is trying to undo the negative of your childhood by trying to do all possible for you when you go into labour, etc.?

I certainly don't know the dynamics of your relationship but I know some mothers will try to help as much as possible due to the fact that they are making up for the past.

I do hope things get better for you

anita665

I'm sure she is trying to make up for the past. Things have come a long way as there was a time I couldn't even see or speak to her. She's trying to push things too far too fast. Just as I tend to feel we are getting on ok and I'm comfortable with the situation, she takes it too far, becomes too pushy and freaks me out again. For example she comes over for a coffee and we have a good gossip and seem to be getting on well. Next thing I know I come home from work to find she got a key off the neigbours, invited herself round and is making herself at home and even smoking when she knows I can't stand it!!

I can see things from her point of view - that she feels she's changed and wants us to be close and make up for the past but I can't just forget everything and pretend we're really close when we're not.

I guess it's complicated but I think things take time and trust and respect need to be earnt back. She can't just jump back into my life like nothing happened. Especially when I see her old ways are still there right under the surface.

leeanne

I know how you feel. My mom and dad split up when I was two. My mom's second husband adopted me when they got married.

Well, when I was in grade 5 my mom told me of my real dad. I started writing him letters, etc. then he came out to visit. I didn't feel any closeness. He visited again, still nothing. When I graduated from high school, god forbid, he came. He acted like he had been there all my life.

A couple of years later, I was going through a tough time as I got laid off of my job and was living on my own. I asked to borrow $60 and he said no. The next week him and his wife took this trip, landed at my house and proceeded to brag about his new car, house, etc. He also was an ex-alcoholic of which he never stopped talking about. UGH!

After that trip, he'd call me on a regular basis. He was degrading of my first vehicle, which I paid for myself, etc. I moved and never gave him my number after. That was around 1991.

Around 2004 or so, I decided to call him to tell him of his grandkids. He then took a trip out here to see his other daughter, my 1/2 sister, and hubby, the kids and I met up with him. It went well. But when he got back home, he would phone me all the time. I finally told him that he's pushing and I need to call him on my own time. I haven't called him since.

Truthfully, I don't feel for him. Sad to say. I am 38 years old and there's a lot of years from 2 to 38

In summary, I can understand what you are going through. You need to go through it at your own time and not be pushed by your mom.

Best wishes and I do hope it works out!

xclairex

hope everything gets better for you heres have a big

Sara

I have an idea of what you're going through, my relationship with my mother is ok, we're just two very different people.
I'd already told her that me and DH don't want anyone at the birth, a few weeks later she was telling me that she would be there, even if it was outside of the centre. I don't pull any punches when it comes to telling my family where they stand and after a lot of angry words and crying on my part (hormones!) she finally respected my decision.
I told her that if she didn't agree then I wouldn't let her know when I was in labour, she'd find out hours after baby's born.

Perhaps that's what you should tell your mum, or even do if things are that bad?
I know some people will think it's a bit extreme, but it's YOUR birth, YOUR baby and the last thing you need is stress at a time when you need to concentrate on yourself

Iwantone!!!

hunni u need to explain to ur mum again that shes is not need and u only want lisa and if lisa talks to ur mum i think she needs to tel her whats happering so that lisa is supporting u and ur mum knows that r not just saying that if that makes sence