horrorheart13

OH and I have been having problems lately. And they all same to a head yesterday. He has been feeling low because he's trying (not as hard as he puts on) to find a better job so we can get a bigger place before the baby comes. I guess he was stressed out. But he's not the type that likes to talk about what's wrong. He says his problems are his problems. So because he's been stressed and I had no idea what was wrong, he's been completely ignoring me. Up until early this monring we hadn't been BDing or anything of that sort for about a month or more. He actually hadn't kissed me in close to that time either. So my hormones get the best of me and I ask him what the hell is going on, as I'd also been annoyed that he's been talking quite friendly to a few of his female friends lately but everytime I'd try to have a nice conversation about something random, he'd act like I was the plague and get irritated. So I confront him as he's waking up yesterday. Big mistake. We start yelling and he spits in my face and calls me a worthless bitch. Then he yells something about something being bullshit and he knocks all my new tattoo equipment off the table (nothing ended up broken, thank god) I go to the bathroom and shut the door to get away and cry. He yells that he hopes I'm killing myself in there and that he hopes I die. Then he opens the door and yells somemore. I'm not 100% on everything that was said from that point on. We're fighting back and forth, I'm trying to explain while crying why I'm upset and that I was sorry for waking him up like that but we been like strangers since alittle after we got engaged (Yep no BD after we got engaged at all, that doesn't seem right to me). I guess I worded it wrong and he fills a cup with water and throws it on me and then does it again. Eventually we calm down enough and I clean up the water, he picks up all the stuff he knocked off the table and I sit in a chair in the kitchen. We start arguing from across the room about whether or not we should be in this relationship at all. He tells me I'm going to be a horrible mother and this makes me madder than anything. I calmly say "you have no idea" rather than bashing his parenting skills too. Everthing somehow calms down, he asks me to come over to the couch. I change into something dry and go over there and he hugs me. Doesn't apologize. We stay civil for a few hours until he mentions that since it's his birthday weekend, he wants to go to his favorite bar friday and then stay after his bands' show on saturday and get drunk. He's not a very nice drunk and I can't drink, so I'm not too keen on having to drive him to and from both of these things. He tells me I don't have to go, I say something about worrying what he'll do in my absense. When he gets drunk enough, he'll hit on other woman right in front of me. So I can imagine he;d do the same without me there. Another fight starts and I cry. We go to the store to get some juice or something because we had nothing to drink in the house. We're short with eachother the whole time in the store. We come home and somehow get on the subject of tattooing. I think because he found a bottle of ink on the floor that he hadn't seen before. We're looking at one of his tattoos that he hates. I trace it and see if I can change it into something tribal that he'll like. He wants me to tattoo it on him but I say no because I've only been practicing on fake skin for a day or two. In the end, I start it. As practice. All the anger is just gone and the whole night was one of the most pleasant nights in ages. I even finally got BD (tmi, I know).

I'm so sorry that was long but I really don't understand what just happened yesterday. It makes no sense to me and I couldn't just keep thinking about it to myself. Today is his actual birthday and so far, things seem to be going alright. I'm trying to keep my hormones under control as to not provoke another fight and I plan on practicing tattooing on my fake skin, as it really seems to relieve stress for me right now.

So in short, had one of the worst fights in the history of our relationship that started with alot of nasty words and ending with sex and a fresh tattoo (that actually turned out pretty great considering I'm brand new at it). Each half of the day were like polar opposites.

I'm so confused. And I'm sure my rambling confused everyone else as well. I don't know whether to be sad about what happened or happy it ended so well.

Jenny

Wow. It sounds like a terrible terrible fight. You might not like what I'm going to say but here it goes. If my husband EVER spit in my face I'd be out the door.That is so disrespectful, and it shocked me when I read that. My husband and I have been together for 6 years and we've had some major fights (him kicking in doors, punching walls etc he has a bad temper) but not ONCE has he ever turned it on me. I mean, we've shouted back and forth but he's never done anything like what your OH just did to you. Frankly, I would not put up with it. Do NOT blame your hormones because thats totally not true. As you said, there hasn't been any emotional contact/physical between you in a long time and I think you had every right to question as to why that was. I'm glad it all ended well but what if he does it again when he gets mad? Its something you should really think about, and about what would happen in the future when there's a baby involved. I really hope it was a one time thing and I think you two should have a serious talk about what happened.

Vickie

I do hope that the two of you can work things out. If it were me I would seriously consider couples counseling, I do view the spitting in your face and throwing glasses of water at you as abusive behavior on his part. If his temper is this bad he may need to get help for it, especially before the baby is born, because that's going to add 100 times more stress to an already stressful situation.

horrorheart13

Thanks ladies. I know his behavior is abusive and we're considering couseling. I'm not sure why he thinks his behavior was called for no matter what horrible things we said to eachother.

I am sure though that if it happens again, I'm out of here. Thankfully, I have my whole family supporting me on that.

I just hope it gets better because we really do love eachother. We're both just really bad at expressing our emotions.

Vickie

Good luck

nikkybaby

I agree. If OH ever spit in my face I would've flipped! I couldn't believe he did that to you. Hopefully things work out for the both of you, but at least talk it over. He should be grown up enough to do that with you without freaking out like that. I hope things start going smoothly for you, and who knows, maybe counceling would help the two of you out.

elles28

you could really do without this now being pregnant is hard enough never mind what you are going through It made me really angry that he spat in your face that is just plain nasty....I am glad you have a supportive family and I hope things work out as you want them too xx

Jenny

Glad you have a great support system. Good luck hon

goldlion

That fight sounds terrible, horrorheart. I hope you're okay

I agree with the other ladies, if my OH so much as spit on my face, he'd have no balls left... especially after splashing water on me.

How are you doing now? Make sure you don't stay in the situation if you think you or your baby are going to be harmed somehow.

Telling someone that you hope they are killing themselves isn't right, it isn't mature, and it should never be said... ever.

Are you at all worried how he will be around the baby? I don't want to offend you, I just want to make sure you will leave when you think it's unsafe.

It's great that you've got so much support behind you with your family. I hope you're feeling better and you two don't fight like that again!

BurtonBaby

I dont want to impose by giving you my honest opinion hun, but I've got to. With him spitting on you/pouring water on you/and telling you to kill yourself, hes showing that he doesn't respect you. And is being abusive. I was with someone who was emotionally abusive, and I had to ask myself, "Would he treat his mother like this??" When the answer was obviously no, I realized that he didnt respect me, and I couldn't stay with someone who didn't. Even if you want to try and work it out, and deal with this emotional/verbal abuse, who knows when it can turn more physical than it is now. If he has that bad of a temper, who is to say that he wont turn on you and hurt you. Being pregnant, you are much more vulnerable, and your LO is too. Have you thought about possibly staying with family for a little just to give yourself time to think about everything?
Again, I dont want to innapropriately give you my opinion, since I dont know you well, I just dont want you to be posting in a few weeks, saying that he has hurt you physically. And you need peace of mind while you are pregnant, the baby cant take all the stress he seems to be causing you. I hope things get better hun.