sweetsammi

Ok. I reckon i've made a decision. I'm leaving Ewan. I'm not sure when or how or where we're gonna go but i cannot stay with him anymore. He HAS been gentler with Oliver..BUT he's so frickin immature with him i'm actually startin to slowly hate him. I love him dont get me wrong. But we arent the same people we were before i got pregs and i do not like who he has become. I dont think i am in love with him now, at least not like before. I told him this..he turned around and said 'thats HIS fault that!' Then this mornin at 7am Oliver wanted to get up so Ewan got up (after lots of persuasion as its usually me) bit later on i suddenly here 'for fucks sake, ive spilt me fuckin tea and its your fault!' Yes, he's shoutin at Ollie! What the hell?? I ran down the stairs and went crazy. How dare he speak to our tiny boy like that..and how immature can u get?! its a baby's fault!? Im sorry but he's a t*** and i cant do it anymore. Its all the little things like that that add up. He is not mature enough or ready to take on the responsibility of bein a parent as far as im concerned. I kno he loves him but common. In a strange way i feel sorry for him. I must be soft in the head..i guess its cus i still care and cus he's Oliver's daddy at the end of the day. I really dont wanna break his heart cus it will. But what am i supposed to do? He'll never change. We dont kiss/cuddle/have sex or even talk anymore. And u know what the worst thing is? It dont bother me that we dont do all those things. I dont really wanna do them with him. And i feel SO gulity for admittin that. I think we've just drifted to far apart now. I wanted us to work so much but i dont think we can, although he will tell u different. We aint had sex since i was 30weeks pregs, Oliver is now nearly 10 weeks old. I know theres only so much he'll put up with this for before he'll do somthin about it, he's a guy afterall!

I suppose in a way all this is my fault, ive let this happen. But its done now. Im such a mess and i feel bad for my lil boy in all of this. I dunno what m doin or how to do this

I cant forgive him for everythin thats been happenin since Ollie arrived..like leavin him to cry allnight long, shouting at him, handling him so rough he had bruises, playin on his xbox instead of helpin me. And thats only the start. He looks at him like he wishes he was never born sometimes.x

lauren-kate

I'm really sorry it had to happen like this, but I think you're doing the right thing. It's not right to be shouting at Oliver, he's a baby, nothing is his fault. At the moment, he doesn't understand what is being said to him, but what about when he starts to understand it? He'd believe it. Don't think it is your fault.. you didn't know that this was going to happen, and if I were you, I'd probably have given him another chance just as you did. If you need to talk or need me for anything, I'm always on the end of the phone and (hope you got my text) I'm free on Sunday and then just about every day from then onwards. I really hope you're able to work everything out. xx

sweetsammi

Thanks Lauren, yeah got ur texts, im free sun also. You're totally right. It wont be long before Oliver does start to understand, he'll end up havin really low self esteem. He is already an insecure baby in my opinion..he wont let me leave the room, he wont sleep unless i stay with him. If he cries, he'll stop pretty much soon as i pick him up..but he cries more if Ewan picks him up. Then Ewan gets angry..so he cries harder. It will cause him less harm to go now then it would to leave when he's old enough to understand. x

anita665

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time.

If thats the way you feel then maybe it is best to be spending some time appart. It's not good for a baby to be in an enviroment like that after all and he's your main priority.

I think some guys have a really hard time adjusting to having a baby. Especially if it's their first. I don't want to sound like I'm sticking up for him, I just no guys can act a bit odd & not how you'd expect and the lack of sex is also a normal part of having a baby. I'm 26 weeks and my OH is going off sex with me too. I think it's because I'm much bigger now and he see's me more as the carrier of his child than something sexual.

Hopefully if nothing else this will make your OH see what he's missing. I really hope things work out for you and you're happy again soon.

Jules

I think a break would do you good, a few years ago me and my OH were going through a rough patch and he moved out for a week, we missed each other so much and it made our relationship so much better when we got back together, it was like when we first met, maybe go stay with family for a few weeks and then see how you feel, the break will do you both good x

Redhorse xxx

Hi Sammi,

I have been exactly where you are now. My partner wasn't violent towards Zach at all, just me. He was less than interested in Zach TBH. I waited until Zach was 16 months old to leave him but when I did it was hard. When I left, I left with Zach's stuff and my clothes- not much to show for a four year relationship eh? But OMG it was so worth it! I shudder to think how bad things would have got if I hadn't have left when I did.

I moved back in with my Mum (luckily she has a three bed house) You have to do what is best. You are right, he won't change he will get worse as Ollie gets older. What about when he starts toddling? He will accidently knock things over and probably touch the XBOX. Your OH is being totally self absorbed and he is needs help. But it is help you cannot give him.

I will PM you my mobile number if you like and if you ever need help or just a chat I will be happy to help. I live 20 mins away from Derby, so if you need another friend I would be happy to oblige.

Good on you Sammi, you are doing the right thing. He is not safe to be around your son in his current state of mind. He sounds like he is jealous of Ollie and that is not good.

Keep us updated hun,

Hugs to you and your baby boy lovey!

Redhorse xxx

Stef

I'm glad you have been able to see clearly and have made a decision by whats right for your little one and yourself. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you, but you are strong to be able to make such difficult decisions.

I don't know if you got my PM but i'm still in the same pickle and just living off hope I suppose.

I'm sure you have all the support in the world behind you from family & friends and all of us on here.

Perhaps once you have left he may realise what he's lost and perhaps change for the better even if you don't manage to get back together in the future.

x

nikkybaby

You are making a good decision, even though it may be a hard one. In the end, it will be better for both you and your LO. I hope things start to work out for you. Remember, you always have support here

Stay strong

Vickie

I know this must have been an incredibly hard decision for you to make. It sounds like it is in the best interests of you and your little boy to leave for now. Hopefully Ewan will grow up a little and become a part of his son's life later on. Good luck to you

sweetsammi

Hi all thanks for your supportive messages (and Babybean i apologise to not yet replying to your pm-promise to do so soon!)

Anyways, we have spoke..here's what was said! (may be long, apologies!)

Ewan- I'm sorry for my behaviour this mornin, for shoutin at Oliver, i'm just tired and i have no patience, wont happen again.

Me- I know your sorry, you always say your sorry and it wont happen again, but it always does and i dont know how many more apologies i can accept, im runnin out of forgiveness! Your never gonna change. I think we should break up, if not for our own sakes, for Ollies.

Ewan- But where will u go? How will u get by? I'll never be able to see my son..who's gonna give me cuddles and kisses. Theres noone else like you.

Me- I'm not sure just yet, perhaps ill stay at mums for a short while till i get on track..You can see Oliver all the time ill never stop you, your his dad we'll sort somethin out. You will meet someone else in time.

Ewan- Will you be happier if you left?

Me- I dont know. I think so. Yes. But ill be sad that we couldnt make it work cus i wanted to more than anythin

Ewan- I love u so much all i want is for u to be happy. If it means ur happy without me then go. I dont wanna make u miserable. Do what u think is best. Perhaps it is best u go. U both deserve better. Im sorry for all the shit ive put u through since uv been pregs. My behaviour has been unforgivable. Uv put up with so much. And im really sorry for how ive been with Oliver. I think its cus im jelous that he gets all the attention. But mainly if im honest with myself-i resent him. I try not to but i cant help it. He came along so unexpectadly and i wasnt ready for a kid- i still aint. I agreed to stay cus i love u so much and i had to do the right thing. I thought it would all work out. I just wish i was as good a dad as u r a mum. Ur amazin. U show nothin but endless love for that boy. I love him with all my heart but not like u cus im too selfish. I wanna stop you from leavin and promise ill change- but i cant make that promise. Maybe given time ill adjust and ill be ready but im not at the minute. But that doesnt mean to say i love either of u any less and i do wanna be Oliver's dad, im just not ready but theres nothin i can do about it. I think if you left it would be the right think for you both.

We were both cryin, it was horrible. Im so glad he finally admitted how he felt. I do kinda feel bad for him. I do stil love him and dunno if im doin the right thing at all. If he could promise me he could stop losin his temper with Oliver id stay-but he cant. Like i said, he cant change , x