Right ok well myself and Kinda other half have been having problems, we've only been together for 4 months and found out I was pregnant at about 5 wks only a month after we got together I get pregnant...........

He's had alcohol problems because of depression and I've stood by him the whole way and tried to help him. We decided to just be friends but that doesn't seem to have happened and we still spent all our time together, I still stayed over most evenings.

He's finally sorted his problem out (touch wood) and is just having a few beers in the evening rather than drinking all day every day. He also says he has nothing going on in his head anymore he's not got any reason for it now. The other night he asked me to marry him and about temporarily moving in with him when my tenancy is up until I get my council place. I told him to ask me again when he'd had a decent nights sleep..........

I've been thinking being the year for women to ask the man to marriage and it's his birthday Saturday for which I've brough him a ring anyway I thought about asking him.....I know it's probably a silly idea and I risk getting shot down and a bit upset over it but sometimes if you don't take the risk you never know.

I want us to be a family, I want to see if we can save enough to have the wedding a year after bubs gets here which will also give me a big kick up my bum to get into shape and lose as much weight as possible after bubs and before the wedding.

Is it all just wishful thinking?

Am I thinking about this too much???

What do you guys think??

Stace xx

Hi.

I think it sounds like a lovely idea & when you have a baby on the way there is nothing better than being a family.

I don't want to sound like I'm putting a downer on it but I do think you should think carefully and not rush into anything though. There is no harm in being engaged & planning your wedding but personally I think you should make it a long engagement.

It's just that you've not been together long and you've been dealing with his alcohol problems. I grew up with alcoholic parents and I hate to think of others going through that. Hopefully he's stopped and that will be the end of it but it's so easy to slip back again. With a bit of time once the baby is born, hopefully you'll know whether it's right or not.

Good luck!!

I know it's easy for him to slip back into the bad habit as he'd done it for a few days then went back but it was because he had something troubling him mentally. Like his ex being a cow or our situation.

But he wants to do it for himself this time because it's making him so ill. I'm unsure about doing it incase he says no and then it all goes tits up but I agree about a longish engagement but I don't want to be one of these couples that's engaged for years and never ends up getting married. The longest I'd want is two years. Gives me time to sort myself out and time to save up.

You're not putting a downer on it, it's things I've thought of myself. I just couldn't imagine bringin up bubs on my own and it's silly but I hate the thought of my baby having a different surname to me.

I dunno maybe it was just a silly idea.

Thanks though anita

xx

It's not a silly idea at all and 2 years sounds fine. If he doesn't slip back in that time the chances are good that he won't. It's a great idea to give him the chance for your babies sake & this could be what makes him stop. It's just, like you say he slips back if something bad happens or he's under pressure which is typical of an alcoholic.

Having a baby is a life changing experience and I think you should see how he copes with that. My mum "gave up" countless times before she really did give up. It was at least 15 years & she's been dry now for about 4 or 5 years. You do what feels right for you but make sure you always put yourself and the baby first.

Well he's got a 4yr old son with his ex so coping with a baby shouldn't be too bad adn we're not going to be living together when the baby's born either so I'm hopin it's not going to be too bad.

He's been drinking for 10 yrs and the longest he's given it up is about 4 months and he's not giving it up completely, still having a few in the evenings after work to relax (like a lot of people) just not going mad and then having to drink during the day.

xx

i wish you the best of luck and dont want to be a downer either but if you have a serious alcohol problem like drinking all day you shouldnt drink at all. just my opinion.

I think a long engagement is a great idea. Unfortunately it's always a battle for alcoholics to not drink (their entire life will be a battle--one that he's probably going to need help and support to get through). Good luck to you and him both

I was just wondering, did he mention the engagement again after you told him to get a decent sleep?

It was mentioned but more in a jokey way than how he had said it previously.

Again, like the others, dont want to be a downer, but I think you should seriously take some time to think about it. You two haven't been together that long, and a baby is going to change alot of things. I think you should really wait until after the baby is born and you have tried living together before doing anything that major.
My mother was 15 when she met my dad, and was with him through her pregnancy with me when she was 17. After having me, they decided to get married. The marriage didn't even last until my first birthday. After having a baby and everything, my mother said it changed so many things. She regreted getting marriaged just because they were having/had a baby together, and told me never to get marriage just because of that.
My OH and I have been together for three years this month. We have been living together for almost a year and a half as well. I am 9 months pregger and we have no plans of getting married anytime soon. I want to see how things are going to go after LO is born, and I also want to make sure that extra finances go toward baby needs; as things are already tight right now.