I love my DH more than anything in the world. He has done so much for us. He has always been there for me, loved me more than I have loved him. He always apologizes even when the wrong thing was done by me, he has always been so romantic and so amazing when my temper isnt at its best. We are so into each other specially since we live away from family.. we dont have family where we live so its pretty much me and him

Since we started ttc everything was ok. I went thru the first miscarriage in July and that made our relationship much much stronger. We were inseperables and we still are, but it was a time where we needed each other so much.

I had another miscarriage and we have always been near each other all the time but something is happening, to me..

I am always feeling depressed.. I cry for everything, I dont smile much as I used to, I dont like to hang out anymore like before, I am just there sitting alone, preferring silence and always think think think.

My DH took me yesterday near him and told me that this is not ok, that he is hurt seeing me like this and he feels that our 'happy life' has just disappeared. He always tells me that what happened is over and that at the end, with the help of God, we will have a baby..

But the problem is that I just dont know how to change. I am having issues with my job as well.. They think that I have lied about my pregnancy and that I requested to take unpaid leave bec I was searching for another job and even if I show medical certificate, they arent going to believe me.. boss and manager are treating me bad and rude and though they havent talked about it, which i know they will soon, they are showing it by the way they talk to me and stuff, they just changed..

I have been so overwhelmed with my life.. I want things to turn out the way they were with DH.. I agree with the fact that our house's mood changed. We arent like we were before, I am not talking about love, we love each other a lot, but the life at home changed bec I have changed.

I need help on how do I change myself back. About my job, I dont really know what is going to happen, but if boss wants to make a big deal about it, I will too.. But whats imp here is DH.. How can I get back to be the fun, loving wife that always smiles at everything? How can I have hope and faith like before? How can I just forget about everything bad that happened to me? I dont want to lose DH

I don't know what else to say. I can't help make you better. I do think you are depressed though. I suffer from depression and what you are talking about sounds like me (though I am doing what I can to work through it without antidepressants right now; may change in the future and have to go back on). I think you may need some professional help to get through this. You may need some meds for a little while just to get over this hump. Or even just someone to talk with (not just us or your DH).

I know you will get better and back to yourself, but you may just need that little nudge.

Depression can be hard and unsettling for the ones that love us, especially if you are not prone to depression. At least my DH is used to it! For me, I find that having someone to talk to in RL, and even on here, can help and relieve some of the feelings. Also, writing my journal helps; I try and remember why I am blessed, and writing about the negative feelings can help (as corny as that sounds!). I'm also trying to eat better and take some extra vitamins that are supposed to help (Bs, Omega 3) without resorting to meds (DH doesn't want me to right now).

Your boss is being a jerk, and maybe it's time to look for a new job. That can't be helping to make you feel better. Different surroundings can make a world of difference, and if your job is pulling you down, it can be hard to get out of a "funk".

I hope this helps...I feel like I rambled and really didn't say anything. I guess the main message is - you are not alone. With some time or help, you can and will get over this. You just went through something traumatic, and you need time to adjust. Feel free to PM me if you like.

Oh love, you can't forget what has happened, but it sounds like you need to heal. It is going to take time, and I think that your seeing there is a problem, is the first step in fixing it. Is there some kind of support group that your doctor can recommend in your area, or a therapist that might specialize in helping women recover from loss? After I divorced my first husband, it took me a long time to get over the loss of my marriage, and that is nothing compared to a child, so please don't think I am comparing the two. It was just the first and biggest loss I have had so far in my life. For a time, I just had to be in the midst of the pain, I had to shut the world out, and just be. Then after a few weeks, it was time for me to get back into the world and start putting myself back together. It was really hard. But time passed, I healed and was able to get pasted it. Please give yourself that time, because things are hard right now does not mean they always will be.

As for your job, I think you should get out of there. It does not sound like a healthy environment at all. You need support, and it sounds like that is the last thing you are getting. F them. You gotta put yourself first here.

Thank you girls.

I dont know about having a support group in here.. but will try to heal personally. I think that the idea of having an agenda and jotting down the good things in my life its a great step.

I will also try to take some other activities. I was thinking about taking cooking classes as I love cooking new things, so I can entertain myself into something fun in the late afternoon.
I have also joined a gym to go to after work and am trying to eat healthier these days though I messed up on it in the past few days, and as depression is making me gain weight u would probably know how bad i feel about my jeans not fitting anymore

Anyway, I will do some 'search' about getting a help group concerning this issue and will investigate the things i need to take into consideration to heal and get back on track with my life, and my marriage.

Suzan, im sure i read somewhere that your job didnt matter to much income wise for you, maybe it would be a good idea to leave there and just have some free time to get yourself sorted out and when you feel ready, find somewhere else?
Yo really dont need an enviroment that brings you down.

I think you are on the right track. The cooking class sounds like a great idea!

It's hard, and I just hope you can pull out of it. It's a hard loss to deal with and you just need time to heal. You will be ok! Don't get too down about a few missteps on the way to eating better, it happens to the best of us (I too am trying, and it's hard some days).

You'll get through this. And if you can, I say get out of that job. It doesn't sound like a healthy workplace for you.