Linzi

I think I've posted about this elsewhere, but another can of worms opened today, and Im not entirely sure how to react to it.

When I was a few weeks old, my mum and dad seperated and divorced, because my mum was bi-polar. That sounds awful on my dad, but he really couldn't handle it. She was getting him into a lot of trouble money wise, and she just couldn't cope with having a baby, so my dad decided that it would be best for me if he took me away from it.

(this is the bit I learnt today) When they divorced, my mum and dad fought for custody. My dad fought to keep me, and my mum fought to send me into care - she knew she couldn't look after me, but in spite she didn't want my dad to either. She didn't turn up to the final hearing.

My Dad got custody of me and decided that he would arrange for me to stay with her at weekends, and her to visit and things like that. But nine times out of ten, she didn't turn up, so my dad decided (with permission from the courts) to completely cut her off from seeing me, although we did write to each other, and still do.

My dad worked really hard when he left... he was half way through uni and working 5 jobs to make ends meet, but he managed somehow. I have a fantastic family who always tried so hard to help us out.

Eventually my dad got remarried to my step mum, and she also had a son, who now is my step brother, and 7 years ago they had a little boy together.

My step mum and I never REALLY got on brilliantly, I blamed her for my mam and dad breaking up, and 'stealing' my dad off me. I grew out of that, but because Id been so horrible to her as I got older we never had much of a relationship either.

Until I got pregnant, now we're really good to each other. Shes going to be my birth partner I think. Weve been getting on really well and she wants to be a big part in the babys life.

I also told my real mum that Im pregnant, and she wants to be part of the babys life which worries me a bit.

Im not bothered whether she is or not, I feel like Im punishing her for something thats not really her fault, and happened a long time ago. I just worry that she'll let the baby down like she did to me, and Im not willing to let that happen. I also dont want to upset my step mum by having my real mum involved because I know how much she wants to be a big part in babys upbringing.

Im so confused about everything and its really upsetting me, its actually ruined christmas for me because its been playing on my mind non stop. I just want an answer of what to do in black and white, but I cant get one from anywhere.

Im sorry this is so long, its just doing my head in and Im not sure where else to rant

xxx

nikkybaby

I'm sorry you have to go through all that.

Newt

There is no black and white answer hun I'm sorry and please don't let it stress you out too much.
Just think of this as being a new start. a new family that you are creating for yourself and your baby.
I will say though, only through experience, how difficult it is to be a step-mother. Taking on someone else’s child, nurturing them, caring for them, paying for them, loving them and then having it thrown back at you all the time (through no fault of the child, they simply don't understand) this has to be the hardest thing in the world.
Now, by no means am I trying to tell you what to do, but you have a relationship with your step mum that has been built upon over years. I know blood is thicker but please don't feel pressurised.
If things get out of hand it may be simpler to ask a close friend and save you the worry.
Look after yourself and remember YOU are in control

Dippy Yvanne

coming from someone whos mum is bi polar( she has manic depression) id have to say, dont cut your mum off, most of my younger years(around age 7-13) i have a mental block on, my mum was undiagnosed at this point, and i basically hated who she was, now we get on fantastic, and she dotes on my children.


dont live your life saying what if...

if it doesnt work so be it, at least give her a chance though xx

Iwantone!!!

this must be so hard hunni why dont u do what ur dad for u when u were little he gave her many chances to see u and be there and for ur best interest he stop contact to protect u and no doubt whn u have ur baby u will want to protect ur baby from anything that may harm your baby my advice is to give her a chance and if she messes u about like she did to u you will have to come to that bridge when or it happens u never no this may be the making off her dont shut her out just yet however with ur step mum i would either write her a letter or tel her to her face that have appreicated her being there all ur life and u no she will be there and b a soild rock for u and babys but u feel pulled in two different directions u dont want to let her down and u dont want ur mum to be shut out and that ur giving ur mum a chance but u stil want her to be ur birth partner i feel if u tell her how ur feeling she will be more understanding good luck babe xxxx

Linzi

Thats the same as what my mum has I think. The thing is, Ive only met her once that I can remember on my 18th birthday, but I was a bit drunk so I couldnt tell what she was like. I dont know what the condition is like and I dont know what to expect or if I could handle it.

Thanks for the kind words everyone Im sure I could probably have dealt with all this a lot better if I wasn't a giant walking hormone at the minute.

xxx