turbo_mom

So I had my first cuddle with Angel on monday night. Jay was happy and emotional about it all. But the day after he woke up in a sour mood. Didn't cuddle with me or touch me he got ready for work and gave me a hug by and left. No I love you or anything. So I knew he was in a bad mood. His excuse is that he was just really really tired. But I kind of had a feeling that it was something else that he didn't want to tell me. Yesterday he confessed that he thinks his grumpyness was due in part to wanting to hold her too.
I would love for him to have his first cuddle with her tonight but he is afraid because she's so small and fragile and because he's worried about the tubing slipping out.

But I honestly am feeling a little bothered by it. This is something I waited a long time for and he knows that. Why would he get mad about that? I'm not sure if he understands that she needs this kangaroo care with her mommy and to start bonding. Afterall she is still supposed to be in my tummy so it's something good for her. This helps her with her sense of loss too of being in a nice cozy place where she can hear her mom talk and hear her heartbeat 24/7.
It makes me feel selfish but I know it's not. I thought that he would be as equally thrilled about it and happy for me. Like tonight I would love for him to have his first cuddle and I will be so thrilled for him. Not upset. Like I can understand him feeling left out but for him to be grumpy and upset with me and not want to talk to me or touch me. that makes me feel like shit
What do u girls think? How do I approach this? He doesn't like to talk about his feelings so I dunno....

Samantha675

If he is anything like me, he is not upset or grumpy 'with' you, but since you are the closest person you take the blow. My poor DH does all the time. I remember reading how helpless he felt during the days leading up to your delivery and afterwards. This must be a continuation of this. Angel needs you more than him, and there is nothing he can do about it, I think it must be hard for men in such a different way from us. Aside from support and understanding, they have such a small role in the creation of a child and in the immediate care for that child. I can only imagine all the emotions of the last month that both of you have gone through and I guess sometimes those emotions are going to come out in not so pleasant ways. Maybe once he has had his cuddle, he will feel a bit more a part of Angel's care, and a bit more secure in his new role as Daddy.

Linzi

My OH is a little like that at times... he's all for fathers rights and he's said stuff like that the emphasys should be on the father to bond as well as the mother but he's upset that no one else really sees it like that, but he has admitted to me that it's because he's worried he wont have the same bond with the baby that I will.

I know your case is different, and the added stress of your situation probably isnt helping... I cant imagine what either of you are feeling, but he probably is just feeling a little left out. I wouldn't take it to heart, Im sure thats not how he meant it.

You said elsewhere he's having a cuddle next time right? So he might feel a bit better afterwards?

Dont really know what else to say hun. Hope you both feel better soon

xxx

Iwantone!!!

i bet he feel left out and helpless as hes does not to look after u as ur not ill anymore in hositpal and he cant hold angel first as u did from an outside point of view it looks like that it just u and angel and maybe jay feels out of place as u dont need him hope that make sence hes is probably excited as u are for her progress maybe just include him a little more no doubt its very stressful at the mo maybe when ur hugging angel get jay to sit right next to u and hold ur hand make him feel included im saying ur intental leaving him out hope his mood easy x

Margerle

That's because he won't have the same bond with his children that you have. You are the mama and he's the daddy!

Dads and Moms have different roles, and have different bonds with their kids. We need only to look to our own families and the relationships we had with our parents. We love them both, but in different ways. We often look to Dad for protection and help - whereas Mom gives us comfort and nurturing.


All that said, I very much understand OP's OH need to feel a part of his daughter's care and protection now. He needs to bond with her for HIM too, not just for her Encourage him to get inolved in her care as much as possible even in his anxiousness.