Shara

Hi everyone!

I am 7 weeks pregnant - my first pregnancy. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and we're both is a perfectly good place in our lives to have children. I've always wanted them, and am thrilled. Him on the other hand...

He has always wavered on the subject of children because I made it very clear that I wanted them and that it was a "deal breaker" in the relationship. He'd prefer not to, but was willing to consider it for my sake. The current pregnancy was accidental, but not badly timed. But it has brought out all his issues about having kids.

He is a wonderful man; sensitive, loving and doting. But he had a terrible home life growing up and can't imagine the idea of a "happy family". He won't leave me, and he is trying his best to put on a happy face and be supportive - but he's miserable. Completely freaked out and unhappy. He says he "hates kids" (though he has never really known any - he's talking about kids he has seen in passing on the street) and that he's afraid he won't love our child. He's convinced that his life is ruined, and that he is going to be miserable for the rest of his life. (Yah... He's always been a glass-half-empty sort of guy.)

I know he will be a wonderful father, and I can't imagine he wouldn't love the child - he is such a loving guy. Is he just scared? Will this go away? I need to hear other people's experiences with freaked out spouses!!!

Thanks...

Shara

cupcake

i am sorry i dont have a personal experience but my DH is also a half empty cup kinda guy and i find that its mostly their own insecurities that cause this.

maybe you can help him by encouraging him to talk about how he feels and build up his self esteem. he sounds like a good man and i am sure that in time he will come around. you could also remind him that a baby takes 9 months to grow and he has time to get prepared and feel more secure.
the last thing i could suggest is to try have a positive experience around kids, he has to remember all kids have their days to be angels and not so angelic but im sure you could spend time with a friend who has a kid.

i hope that helps you. it must be hard for you too, this is a great forum and im sure everyone will be here to support you!

shamrockgirl4

well with my first baby the dad always said he didnt want kids but anyway i always told him id always wanted them so talked him into it in the end anyway amber came along he changed a couple nappies but i did all the feeding getting up in the night etc he didnt really like the baby thing but as soon as she was a toddler he was totally different started getting more involved etc and is a really good dad now we even had another little boy although we have split now he sees them regular 3-4 times a week he has them overnight :-)

justme00

My husband is an on the fence kind of guy. He always grumbles about how kids suck the life out of adults and they all need shock collars. Yet the other day my little 1 yr old cousin ran up and gave him a big hug out of no where and he admitted that it made him want one of his own. The love of a child is so unconditional and pure...I think your OH will soon realize this when he has his own.

Imi

Hun i think the whole "being responsible for another life" thing kinda freaks them out, esp as theyare sooooooo tiny!!

I bet he will calm down and kinda get used to it and when he LO arrives he gonna wonder what all the fuss was about.

Just let him come round and if you have friends with any small kids, go spend time around them so he can in teract around the kids

xxx

dakini

My DH was the same way...didn't really know if he'd ever want kids. Then his sisters had kids...he changed. Ok, still a little freaked out about having another life totally dependent on him (to tell the truth I will be too!) but ready. So hopefully he will change. The majority of people will.

However, not to freak you out, there are some people that it never changes for. We know a guy that was told, as soon as your kid looks up at you and says Da-da, your heart will melt. He stuck around long enough for that to happen, his heart didn't melt, so he left. He's still supporting his child, but not involved because he never wanted kids.

HOWEVER, I must stress this - he is the oddity....most people change once it's theirs.