Avast me hearties. At the request of me beauty Rafwife, I hereby launch this here good ship Pirates Club. Tey join me crew ye must pay homage to me, Cap'n Red Mary Rackham. Let me know yer name and I'll decide if ye get to walk the plank or become one of me crew.

If you're a bit o' a landlubber wi' no pirate name take a keek here http://www.piratequiz.com/

If ye need a bit o' help wi' the lingo ha' a keek here http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html

I'll be postin a bit later wi' the different ranks on me good ship.

Arrr!

Cap'n Red Mary Rackham

0 posts Landlubber - A lubber is someone who does not go to sea, who stays on the land. They are not worthy of our attention unless we be robbing them blind (or they be sneaky ninjas)

1-25 posts Bilge Rat - The bilge is the lowest level of the ship. It’s loaded with ballast and slimy, reeking water. A bilge rat, then, is a rat that lives in the worst place on the ship.

25-50 posts Buccaneer - A buccaneer be a sailor with a share in me ship. Ye get a share of what booty we steal.

50-75 Bosun - Ye get t' boss the buccaneers around.

75+Sea Dog - An experienced pirate, ye get a say in where we go an' what swag we steal.

Bilge Rats

Pirate Laws

1. A pirate does not ask for directions. He relies only on his gut feeling, a compass, or a treasure map.

2. Parrots are the preferred pirate companion. Monkeys are an acceptable substitute, unless they fling their feces at people. Then they are an awesome substitute.

3. When fishing, a pirate uses either a sword, a knife, or his bare hands. Use of a hook is only acceptable in the event the pirate is missing a hand.

4. Pirates shall always wear boots, except in the case of a peg leg. Then one boot is acceptable. Flip-flops are right out.

5. When describing the size of a treasure, a pirate is required to exaggerate by at least 130%. Flowers are not treasure under any circumstances, unless said flowers are made out of gold.

6. No pirate shall discuss his feelings, unless his feelings include gutting a man from stem to stern and spilling his entrails.

7. During a swordfight, swordfighting insults are required. In the event both participants are still alive at the end of the fight, the participant with the superior insults shall be declared the victor.

8. All foods prepared by a pirate must include rum, grog, or beer. Boone's and other "Wench Punch" is prohibited.

9. No pirate shall wear a bracelet or a necklace, unless it is the tooth or tusk of an animal he killed. If in the presence of cannibals, a necklace is acceptable camouflage, but only if said necklace is made of human toes.

10. Dousing oneself in beer is a perfectly acceptable replacement for a shower.

11. A pirate shall never wrap presents. The only thing a pirate gives is a bludgerin'.

12. "ARRRRRRRRRRR..." is a perfectly acceptable answer to any question.

13. A pirate does not "go shopping". Unless by "shopping", you mean "killing".

14. No pirate may ever change his shirt because it is "wrinkled". A pirate may only change his shirt if it is completely soaked in blood.

15. No matter how hard it is raining, two pirates may never share an umbrella. Pirates do not fear rain.

16. A pirate does not snuggle with an animal, unless he is trying to snap its neck. But I guess that wouldn't really be "snuggling".

17. A pirate may never wear another man's clothing, unless he first kills that man.

18. Lifting or removing one's eyepatch is extremely impolite but is not considered an insult. It's just kinda gross. Likewise, one should never remove another pirate's eyepatch, except with a sword to the face.

19. A pirate must never visit a tanning salon. If he is not already tan enough from searching for treasure, he hasn't been searching hard enough.

20. While creativity is encouraged during any barfight or battle at sea, pirates may only use the following types of sword; falchions, scimitars, rapiers, and particularly long knives. Katanas or any other Ninja sword are strictly forbidden, unless the Pirate rips off a Ninja's arm and hurls the arm, and attached Katana, as a projectile.

21. Kidnapping is an acceptable substitute for killing, but only if it is for the purpose of plank walking at a later time.

22. Female pirates are allowed some exception to rules concerning hygiene and garmentry, but must make up for it by using twice as much profanity.

23. Hooks are the only acceptable hand substitute. However, they may not have secondary attachments such as screwdrivers, bottle openers, corkscrews, or nail files. These are Pirates we're talking about, not Inspector Gadget.

24. No pirate will ever, ever raise his pinky when drinking any sort of beverage.

25. Under no circumstances does a pirate speak with a Ninja, unless he first decapitates that Ninja and uses his head like a sock puppet.

26. A pirate may tell any tale of swashbuckling without being called on the details, as long as at least 51% of the story is true.

27. Pirates do not say "please" or "thank you". The phrase "Arrr, I'll probably kill you tomorrow" is an acceptable alternative for "Thank you".

28. Pirates never, ever obey laws. Period. Ironic, I realise.

Finally - 29. Only a pirate is capable of killing another pirate. If you are not a pirate (let's say a ninja) and wish to challenge a pirate, they have a word for that. Corpse.

Permission to board Cap'n!!!

It be Dread Pirate Flint here......Like the famous Dread Pirate Roberts, I have a keen head for how to make a profit. Like the rock flint, I be hard and sharp. But, also like flint, I be easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

LOVE IT!!

If people are unsure if they are a Ninja or Pirate, I recommend this test

http://www.gotoquiz.com/are_you_a_pirate_or_a_ninja_1

Are You a Pirate or a Ninja?
Your Result: Pirate


You are a lying, stealing, cheating, sea-dog and all around scallywag. Welcome aboard! Now you get to say things like "Yar" and "Ahoy". Aye matey, 'tis great to be a pirate.

I can't find my 'pirate name' tho?

Are You a Pirate or a Ninja?
Your Result: Ninja

You are the shadow of a mirage, a black cat at midnight. You can move without any sound, and traverse the most crowded area unseen. You use things like shuriken and kunai to achieve your ends, no matter what.

Found it

Your pirate name is:
Iron Bess Kidd

Avast! We be getting boarded by Ninjas! Let's make these bilge rats walk the plank!

Welcome on board Dread Pirate Flint and Iron Bess Kidd. Ye be more than welcome t' join me crew.

Are You a Pirate or a Ninja?
Your Result: Pirate
You are a lying, stealing, cheating, sea-dog and all around scallywag. Welcome aboard! Now you get to say things like "Yar" and "Ahoy". Aye matey, 'tis great to be a pirate.

Guessing I need to board the ship and get myself a name ?

Your pirate name is:
Black Harry Flint