General Chatter

Nicnac · Jul 25th, 2008, 16:25 PM

I know it's an age old question, but it's only one I've ever discussed with friends, and they're always biased, so I thought I would ask for a general response.

Can you be firends with an ex...or more importantly can your OH be friends with one of his exes? Are there classifications that go along with the answers ie, yes if she's married, yes if she wasn't the one before you?

Let me explain...

My lovely OH seems to be unable to let the last one go. She seems to phone & text all the time. At first it really wound me up so I said I didn't want to know, then hated the thought of it going on behind my back so said I did want to know. Now, he doesn't tell me, says she does't call/text anymore, but I keep finding them, so he lies!

I know nothing is going on, because frankly he doesn't have time. He's very rarely out without me or friends. But I think it goes on during work hours, so it can't be any love affair, (or it'd be a very strange one at that).

What bugs me is why won't she leave him alone. Why does she feel the need to keep in touch? It bugs me that she always has to ask if he's alone first. I'm sure if she had a new boyfriend she wouldn't feel the need to pester mine. They weren't friends before they dated for 12 months, (which was five years ago!) so why the need now?

Am I just being hormonal? I do trust him, but don't like the idea of her.

Sorry for the rant, all opinions gratefully received.

sjnams · Jul 25th, 2008, 16:36 PM

Hmm, tricky one. Personally if my DH wanted to be friends with an ex, I would want us all to be friends. I would see no need for him to be meeting up as friends with a woman, if it was a friendship he didn't want to share with me, if you get what I mean. I would have nothing against the odd "hey hows it going" text every once in while, but I wouldn't be happy about constant sneaky texting, no matter how innocent. Not sure what else to say to that one to be honest.

Hope you work it out.

PeanutBean · Jul 25th, 2008, 16:48 PM

I have three exes that count for anything, the first I was with for 3 and a half years, school sweetheart, and we are still friends though live in opposite sides of the country. Another is a scary stalker who I block on facebook and hide from and who tried to get back with me by email out of the blue after I'd not seen him in months (he broke up with me). The third was a really big deal even though a short relationship, the only one who ever really hurt me and who I was passionate about, I had to cut all ties in order to get over him so we could never be friends.

My DH had a few exes before he met me but they were tiny nothing relationships (he was only 18 when we met) so he never gave them a second thought when he was with them never mind afterwards!

So in answer to your question, I think it depends!

Jazzy · Jul 25th, 2008, 17:12 PM

I'm still good friends with my ex so yeah its possible, if it was the other way around id be ok as long as he wasn't lying to me

x-mum-2-b-x · Jul 25th, 2008, 17:29 PM

Im waaay 2 jelous..! so my answer would be no...I think it depends on the person. If ur not ok with it ur partner should understand..! x

Blob · Jul 25th, 2008, 17:41 PM

Yup me too waaay too jealous, as is my OH so he wouldnt be able to deal either..thank goodness.

I think the issue is that its not just a friend thing, if he is talking to her more than his other friends then there is something to complain about. If when he sees her he invites you along also, then its not really a big deal? But if you think she wants him back then its not really like a friendship and he needs to decide whats more important to him, upsetting her or upsetting you.

What a rubbish place to be in

My OH had a girl texting him ALLLLL the time a total nutter and i sat and didnt say anything for ages then one day it totally boiled over and i told him that it was not ok and it was not normal for her to be texting all the time.

he stopped talking to her so all is good now

MummytoOscar · Jul 25th, 2008, 17:42 PM

I think it depends on the circumstances, but I know how annoying it can be.

My OH has a son with his ex and so they do have to communicate on a regular basis (I do understand that). But she is obviously not over him and will constantly text and call him on a daily basis (not very often about their son) and makes sure that she does it while his at work, when she knows I won't be around

. She also tries to blackmail my OH by saying that if my OH goes back to her then he can decide where their son goes to school etc

. She has chosen the worst school in the area which happens to be opposite where she lives

, and my OH has suggested their son goes to a school a 5-10 min walk from her house, which happens to be one of the best in the area (their son is quite smart and i'm sure he'll do really well at school).

I really don't like it but as I said I understand they do have to communicate as they have a child. I trust my OH and as you said he wouldn't have the time for anything to be going on, but I don't trust her at all and any option she gets she'll try it on with him

Come to think of it, with my OH ex once she had a BF it did seem to stop . Though it was shortlived and she is now single and texting/calling again.

I don't think you're being hormonal, and you're not alone. My OH tells me if she's called or texted and we normally just laugh it off, especially now that we've been together for 2 years and she still won't leave off!

mizzi · Jul 25th, 2008, 17:44 PM

im friends with an ex, but if it was the other way round id get jealous lol

enigma · Jul 25th, 2008, 17:44 PM

I pinched my hubby from his ex and we was all friends for quite a while(dont ask how, these things just cant be explained), but our lives took different directions and we dident see each other for ages.
Now shes back on the scene as my sister works with her, though she doesent come here, but i dont think i would like it she did purley out of my own paranoia.
And we arnt friends with any of my ex's, infact i wouldent pee on half of them if they was on fire!!

nikky0907 · Jul 25th, 2008, 17:47 PM

I am best friends today with one of my exes!

It was a bit serious but I think the fact that the breakup was mutual helped us form a friendship.At first it was just little contact and now we are very close.
But there are some exes I don't talk to,or haven spoken to in a very long time.

It depends on the circumstances,the seriousness of the relationship and the parting...

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