jobee2222

I think you can be friends with an ex but if your OH is hiding the friendship from you then it seems he is trying to cover something up. The way i see it is, either you're included in the friendship or she should be out of it. No two ways about that.

NickyT75

I agree!

In general I don't think it's a good idea to remain friends (unless there are children involved obviously) as quite often one of the parties will still have feelings for the other & has ulterior motives by keeping the 'friendship' alive.

There is nothing wrong with being civil to each other if you were to bump into each other but IMHO there is NO reason for an ex girlfriend to be secretly txting when the guy is in another relationship - other than to deliberately cause trouble between you & him!

I would be VERY wary of this girl especially (as mentioned above) if he is hiding her contact from you.

Im not saying there is anything dodgy going on... he might think its just easier not to say anything so you don't get upset coz as far as he's concerned nothing is going on, but even if he thinks this - I doubt she feels the same way!!

So I definitely agree - either you get included in the friendship or (preferably) your OH needs to cut all ties with this woman ASAP.

Hope you get something sorted hun xx

katieandbump

My answer would also be no, Once people have had feelings for each other and stay friends i think it complicates things for everyone the past is the past and people should live in the future an ex is an ex for a reason and i don't think it's very fair on the other partner who has to feel a bit insecure because of it. I think it's better left alone me and my OH have nothing to do with our exs and that's how it should be, i would also always be thinking yeah they're friends now but if u have an arguement or something and they're the shoulder to cry on anything could happen its a big risk. Also usually in splits someone is the one who gets hurt and that person will always feel something and secretly have hope that they will get back together.

katieandbump

Thinking about it i am a bit bias, as me and my OH got together last year about may time i knew he'd split up with his last gf in april and she was very gutted about it but they hardly saw each other anyway as she was 2 hours away at uni. Anyway she was always leavig him facebook comments and once when we had an arguement she said to him on facebook i'm here if you ever need a shoulder to cry on women can be bitches sometimes and i'm good at that sort of stuff so i was obviously fuming cos it was NOTHING to do with her..
We got closer but i knew she was always gona be around and though she'd never go she seemed so desperate to get back with him, everything was fine they didn't have much contact until december i was with my parents and saw photos of him on her facebook when he promised me he wouldnt see her, then i found out he took her to his work xmas do with him and i was like hmmmm so he'd already lied when i asked him saying he hadn't seen her and he said it was strictly as friends and she knew that and he took her home after.
I thought nothing of it apart from the fact her status said that she was confused after it all but just left it.
I only found out not long ago (april) maybe that he did actually have sex with her that night i was absolutely crushed and its something that even now i have trouble dealing with but he said it was just sex and she annoys him, he VERY nearly lost me when i found out he'd been keeping it from me for this long, i wouldnt have been half as bothered if i knew but the fact that he could be so sneaky and lie so bluntly to my face made me think would i ever know. Felt like a mug, we were getting on so well when i found out and were so in love he cried his eyes out and begged me not to go and i forgave him i still dont trust him explicitly but we're together 24/7 when he's not in work and he said its no one else now...... This is why i dont think exs should be around when new relationships r forming

Wobbles

Exs are exs - Simple as that!! You can't blank & ignore a shared intimacy imo

A now & then hi isn't so bad if you have left the relationship on good terms but I personally leave my exs as it states EX.

jacky24

My personal opinion is hell no...

In my previous relationship my ex always phoned and texted his ex behind my back, then i found out about it on his phone records, i mean hallo we live in SA and she is in the UK how would i not notice...

Fine it STOPPED or did it, my at that time fiance started flying the london route quite alot and i noticed the texting started again...

Needless to say he had been screwing her again...

So no, an ex stays an ex, not heard or seen.

My OH one night lying in the bath and his phone rang so i answered it was his ex, well lets just say she aint phoning my husband again, i don't think i have ever told anyone in my entire live to go to the nearest hell and stay there and we don't hear from her anymore...

Good luck but i am saying HELL NO....

Nicnac

Katieandbump,

Wow what a strong lady you are. So sorry that you had to go through that.

It amazes me that you can have such a wide spectrum of women on this site, and not one of them would dream of doing that to another girl....yet there's still another "breed" that would think nothing of the sanctity of a relationship and just try and take what they can for their own selfish pursuit.

Good luck with the PG, lots of for you

But I agree with the general feeling Ex means Ex.

katy

I have 3 serious ex's. One i have no contact with at all, another occasionally tries to contact me and the 3rd i am friends with.

Up until i got with my OH i used to be very friendly "friends" with my 3rd ex if you get where i'm coming from. To put it pretty bluntly we couldn't see each other without getting it on. I think it was probably because i knew that i still had feelings for him even though we were only together very briefly 5 years ago! Although we are just friends now i don't talk to him too often as i know my OH isn't happy with it and i never meet him on my own. I also make a point of telling my OH if i've been in contact with him and what we talked about.

I know that if my OH was in contact with one of his ex's i would hate it! I will admit to being the jealous type and there are even some female friends of his that i feel uncomfortable about but we have a very honest relationship so he knows all this and does his best to reassure me.

From my own experiences with my ex and how i'd feel about my OH being in contact with his ex's i suppose i'd say it's pretty difficult to retain a completely innocent friendship with an ex although i'd like to stress that mine is all completely innocent now!!

I hope you manage to talk to your OH about it and explain how you feel. Sorry my post ended up so long!

Deise

My OH is casually friendly only with one of his exes. They dont talk or email each other much, maybe once a year. I talk to my ex of 5 years fairly frequently, mostly about my family now and none of the "reminiscing" crap. He was visiting down from NY and was about two hours away from my house, so he asked if he could swing by and meet my OH and the baby. I was like, Noooo Way dude!! Theres no need for that..