Just got this this morning thought it might make some of you smile
DISCLAIMER:
The views expressed within this e-mail are not those of anyone in
particular...
...Just everyone in general !
A major earthquake measuring 5.2 on the Richter scale hit parts of Stevenage
on the 27th of February with its epicentre in Market Rason, Lincs. Victims
were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell". The
earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol
were damaged beyond repair.
Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were
woken well before their giros arrived. Three Counties Radio reported that
hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to
come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in
Stevenage. One resident from the Bedwell area- Tracy Sharon Smith, a
15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little
Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two,
Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking
when I was skinning up and watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning."
Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as
normal.
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny
Delight to the area to help the stricken locals..
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large
quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from
Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought
after - items most needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers), Shell
suits (female), White sport socks
Rockport boots, Any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same -
Required foodstuffs include:
Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of White Lightning or
Special Brew.
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.
£5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
**Breaking news**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.
'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked, "Shephall " said the girl, "woss
that gotta do wiv you" !
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