Hi everyone..

I'm not pregnant but my best friend has just announced she is, and she's only about 5 weeks gone.

She's quite excited, and although it's bad timing her partner is pleased to and has said he'll support her. I'm quite excited too, I've an excuse to look at baby clothes now!

But I have to say I'm feeling quite guilty because I'm having what I guess are really selfish concerns about our friendship. Now I've read a little bit on the net and it says its normal and that pregnancy and a new baby can change friendships but I guess that's something I'm worried about.

We are really close friends, we met at uni, did the same course, lived together and even though I moved away from the area have stayed in touch as much as we can and are still good friends.

I guess I'm kind of scared I'll lose a friend, because I know a baby changes your life forever and she will have less time to chat, may be unable to visit for a while and also I'm really worried we'll have less in common. I'm also getting married next year, I'd asked her to be my maid of honour. Now I'm worried she'll not have the time to do this and may not actually want to, so I'm thinking of maybe asking her if its still something she wants to do.

Now I know there are ways around things, and she told me I'll be an adopted auntie (neither of us have sisters of our own) and I'm already thinking about when I get time off how I'd love to go up and spend time with her while she's on maternity, and I'm more than prepared to visit her more and really don't mind baby coming along.

And also, I'm sort of angry at her new partner. It's a relatively new relationship, they don't live together and I've not had the chance to meet him yet.

I think what I'm asking for is for a bit of advice, on how to support her through her pregnancy and as a new mum (over a long distance too) without obviously being over bearing! and other tips on how I can make sure we stay as good a friends as we are, and also whether or not I should bring up the bridesmaid thing as my fella (who knows her quite well) thinks she might get offended by me thinking she won't still want to be my bridesmaid.

Lastly, I feel so guilty! I think it's really selfish of me to think like this... so any advice would be truely appreciated

Thanks!

I've had this same worry too because I'm very close to my best friend. We met aged 11 and have been to school, college and work together.

I think that something like having a baby can definatly change friendships with people you maybe used to go out drinking with and stuff like that but not someone you are that close to. Because you're so close, like you said, you take on more of a family role and it's like your sister having a baby - that would never change the relationship.

I have another good friend from school who had a baby a bit over a year ago & at that time I was going out doing all kinds of crazy (& mostly drink related) stuff. Our friendship never suffered though. She was much more settled and would have a real calming influence on me when I went to see her and she had someone to catch up on life outside of "baby world" with.

when laura got pregs i loved it was amazing but when ella wa born i tell u now i was jeasouls of her (ella) i have told lauz this i found it really hard that when i rang her she could not talk there and then when i texted she took forever to txt bk when we arrange stuff she would have arrange around ella i found this really hard i was the one acting like a spoilt brat and i know i was but as time when on with a 1week of ella being born and when i first went to see her and had her in my arms that feeling disappear we are best of friends always have been and we are now even sttronger as mates we tell each other evrything ella has brought us closer i love being a godmother to ella i love her in ever way i love it when she say 'i love u auntie tif' i love babysitting her its hard as ur friends properties do change but they are still ur friend at the end of the day x

I became a bit of a hermit towards the end of my pregnancy and I'm only just emerging now, so don't be too worried if your pal doesn't seem to want you around. Just give her space.

My best mate had her first child nearly 2 years ago, and I did think it would change our relationship a bit and was worried, but in actual fact it hasn´t that much. We´ve known each other since playgroup and although we don´t see each other as often as we´d like (cos I´m abroad) our friendship has stayed much the same. I´m her son´s Godmother, and everytime I go home she always makes sure that at least one night is free for a girly night etc. She was bridesmaid at our wedding last year and her husband best man, their son was at the wedding as well, but then so were her parents, so they could keep an eye on him, whilst we had photos done etc.

They did used to come and see us once a year and obviously the first year he was born they couldn´t, which was a shame, but they came over last year, and are planning to come again soon if finances permit! What did annoy me slightly when she first fell pregnant, was that everytime we emailed or did msn, we only ever seemed to talk about the baby - which sometimes got on my nerves as I kept thinking, can´t we talk about anything else? However since becoming pregnant myself, I realise now how easy it is to be thinking and talking about the baby all the time - so I´m glad I never complained about it to her.

I wouldn´t assume that she won´t be able to or won´t want to be your maid of honour. I´m sure she still will and there are ways around looking after the little one whilst she´s doing all the official stuff like signing the register etc.

Keep in touch with her as regularly as you always have, ask about the baby and how she is etc, but talk about all the other normal stuff as well, cos it really annoys me when everyone assumes I just want to talk about being pregnant all the time, I can talk about other stuff as well!!

I don´t think you´re being selfish thinking this way either - everyone thinks about stuff like this when things start to change, not just a pregnant friend, but one who has maybe moved further away, or got together with a new partner that they myabe don´t get along with - its normal!

Hope all of this makes sense!!

my only advice would be is b patience and just be there for her xxx

My best friend had her daughter two years ago. I was also worried that it was going to change our friendship. Even though we saw each other a little less, nothing seemed to change at all. The only thing that was different, was the fact that she had a little one running around. It's actually pretty cool. I get to be an aunty, and luckily, her LO loves me as much as she does!!!!
We actually see each other a lot more now, since she moved right down the hall from me! And now that I am prego, she helps me out with any worries that I have.

Just try not to worry. Your friendship will only change for the better, if at all.

Thank you for all your responses, my friend had her son this evening and I've been on tenterhooks all day!

I was delighted to hear the good news, and I'm really pleased and quite excited to meet him. It's been a real mixed bag of emotions because I know from now on everything will change, especially for my friend and her partner (who I know will be great parents!)

I'm hoping to go up in a fortnight for the weekend, because I think they'll want to get him settled and there'll be lots of family to see.

I guess only time will tell, I intend to keep in touch as much as we ever have and hope that I won't lose a friendship but actually gain another, very very young one!

Thanks again