fiona-thom

Age and number of children will never make you more knowledgable on the science of infant care, it will only ever make you more experienced... I perhaps spent too much of my time reading scientific research during pregnancy.

Also before Thomas was born I was on my way to become a doctor, now I've decided I want to become a pediatrician.... So I do alot of reading on infant behaviour/illnesses etc etc...

Wobbles

Think she just proved she is lol No offence hun x

Wobbles

I want to be a Mum not have a degree in the science of infant care My experience will be my instinct my experience will be learning whats right for my baby ... my experience will be looking at how other Mums do things taking that in and keeping in mind.

I love to see how other Mums do things thats what this site is about but we may as well type some crap up stick it on the front page IN YOUR FACE & close the forum down!

I like the idea of being a Mummy being realistic.

I still very much don't apprieciate the wordings/assumtions you have used in this topic regardless of anyone seeing it as harmless because its not its offended a handful & has been very much in your face what I do know is YOUR RIGHT to your standards of being Mum so fair play personally I have discarded all of it.

I'm so glad at the moment we have medical teams in our area that are realistic I feel for those who I see come across those in child medical care that ram things down mothers throat and mother walking away feeling completely lousy about herself.

Wobbles

I'm actually done with the replies & debate on your views Fiona I see what you've done very clearly I think its very wrong & have now discarded it as mentioned above.

fiona-thom

I didn't put that in to put the boot in, I am no better than anyone else, as I'm not qualified. It's just showing why I have such an avid interest in all things.... I now practically fill my library with books relating to babies.

On a note: I've seen other people post against other things on this forum and have not been hounded like I have here, ie against vaccinations - and most Mothers vaccinate (to quote "vaccinations are not healthy for our children"). Perhaps they were implicating that all Mothers who vaccinate have harmed their children?

And at the end of the day we are told we're endangering our children everyday, and my comments are only a speck in the universe of them all. We see them everyday in the media for a start.

I believe in all walks of life everything is open to debate, you don't need to start with remarks against me like that.

Tilly

Fiona, I think you want to get your nose out of whatever books you're reading and get back to your baby. When you have twins, maybe you can be little miss expert. We all do things differently as parents, sometimes when Bethanie goes to bed I can't wait to get downstairs and pour a glass of wine, hell i'll drink the whole bottle actually.. thats none of your business, nor does it make my mothering skills any worse than yours.

If you want to quote books, 'expert' information.. then fine go for it, but don't speak to people like shit because they don't share your opinion.

elles28

Here Here thats a true mummy talking!! xxxx

coccyx

Well all I will say is being a doctor does not make you the expert on all things ( I for one do not regard docs as godlike creatures who must be obeyed and are always right, no offense to the docs out there!) You do gain more knowledge and experience with each child, assuming you are open and flexible. You can spend hours reading research,passing exams, but nothing takes the place of hands on experience and dare I say a mothers INSTINCT???

Lil_Baby_Boo

Everyones got their "own way" that works with their baby! When Noah was first born I would rush to check him if he cried! I have to admit now its so unusual for him to cry, its only normally a tired moan or if he's hungry! I think I've only ever seen tears once!
I'm quite comfortable to leave him playing (obviosly making sure he can't roll anywhere or get anything) or in his bouncer chair while I jump in the shower, I always leave the bathroom door open so I can hear him, he's normally yapping to himself or shouting at the TV!
We have a very good routine and I think it works really well, 7pm Bathtime, then bedroom to get dry and PJ's then a bottle with the light off & hall light on and then in to bed! He'll go off in a matter of mins! I would never co-sleep and thats simply because I'm a very heavy sleeper and would never trust myself and I'd also worry about what would happen when he HAD to be moved to his own bed!

There has been a couple of times when he's been over tired and cried (only for a matter of mins) in his cot but I would never dream of picking him up! If it were a pain cry or he was sick then obviosly I would!
I think he's a very independant baby, he'll go to anybody and he's not "attached" to me which I think is good! My friend has a 1yr old and she never left him constantly gave him attention, wouldn't leave him to cry (not even for a min) she co-sleeps and if her LO wakes in the night and he's not touching her he'll scream! When we go swimming she can't even put him down to get herself dry cos he screams, if someone else tries to pick him up he goes mad. Just recently he's started talking and if you say 'no' even just something simple like 'No adam, be carefull!' he'll scream!! She can't even go the loo without him! I think thats down to the fact that she's never 'left' him! She's now PG again and I'm just wondering whats going to happen when the new baby arrives?

On the whole Noah doesn't really cry and he's a very good baby and I'm very lucky, still when 7oclock comes and once he's asleep I love having 'me time' having a little drink (As I am now!) or nice bath!

'Experts' maybe experts but their not always right & practical! I think every mum knows their baby and do what they think is best for their baby!

So yeah, I think controlled crying is fine!

fiona-thom

My believe in AP parenting too, like your friend, and my infant is very confident now. He used to be very clingy (although I'm not so keen on that word), but I found that was more frustration and the pain of reflux than anything else. Now he's been crawling for a month and and is getting faster and more experienced, can pull himself up on things to reach what he wants and is on new reflux treatment it has stopped. He still comes over to me and asks me for cuddles, by pulling on my leg. But I think that is lovely....

He understands phrases like 'No' and 'Let Go'. Which is responds to positively most of the time.

I personally think AP tends to bring out the opposite, but all babies are different at the end of the day, and have differing personalities.

They say between 12-18 months, a baby can recall a mental image of the most familiar caregivers. This image helps to provide a secure base so the infant can begin to move more easily from the familiar to the unfamiliar. The mental presence of the mother allows the infant to, in effect, take mother with her as she moves further away from the mother to explore and learn about her environment. AP children show less anxiety when moving away from their mothers to explore toys. These babies mentally and physically check in with mother for reassurance and a familiar ";t's okay' to explore. The mother seems to add energy to the infant's explorations, since the infant does not need to waste energy worry whether she is there. During an unfamiliar play situation, the mother gives a sort of "go ahead" message, providing the toddler with confidence to explore and handle the strange situation. The next time the toddler encounters a similar situation, he has confidence to handle it by himself without enlisting his mother. The consistent emotional availability of the mother provides trust, culminating in the child's developing a very important quality of independence: the capacity to be alone.

One without this can lack confidence that his attachment figures will be accessible to him when he needs them. He may adopt a clinging strategy to ensure that they will be available. Because he is always preoccupied with it or else spends tremendous energy "managing" without it. This preoccupation hinders individuation, exploration, and possibly learning. In essence, the attachment-parented baby learns to trust and develop a sense of self. These qualities foster appropriate independence. Studies have shown that infants who develop a secure attachment to their mothers are better able to tolerate separation from them when they are older. As one mother of an AP child said: "He's not spoilt; he's perfectly fresh!"

But this is my argument to what you said. I know some would argue that because a child finds it quite normal to cope without his Mother being there, he finds it easier to explore ad be on his own.