coccyx

No I never thought you did mean this! The newborn was stressed and so was the new mum. I could have slapped the maternity nurse! I do think as they get older they do for want of a better term 'try it on' sometimes. I have never rocked my children to sleep, my 20 month old has bath ,bottle , book, cuddle and then I say 'time for sleepy bobs". She is then put into her cot to sleep. She only cries when my hubby is back at the weekend and does not follow the routine!!!!!! Preapres to be slammed down for using the word ROUTINE

Wobbles

Haha Daddys home time to play huh Bless

(& haha )

Honestly I was a GET MY OWN WAY child from spitting orange at people in C&A cafe, biting peoples legs at bus stops, throwing myself on the floor in the newsagents, hiding under my duvet and not sleeping sneaking out of bed to the games cupboard, hiding to watch prisoner block H when my sister went to bed, pretending I was asleep when my foster parents went out and as I knew where my sisters matches were lighting playing cards flicking em across the room until she'd let me go down stairs with her or I'd tell Mum about her matches I was SO naughty!

fiona-thom

Yes, but non to support controlled crying -- unless some can find them for me. Apart from the fact -- that it works. But of course it does, I'd be completely knackered after all that crying, and in the end I'd just 'give up'... What's the point and I have to conserve my energy?

There is so much physical evidence backing that controlled crying wrong, and nothing to back up that it's right. An infants body temperature rises and their heartbeats increase to an abnormal rate during all that crying. Plus I've also pinpointed other physical effects in my previous post that could potentially bring harm...

I co-sleep, and alot of people disagree with it. As the same with BLW, and people happily voice their opinions at me, and it doesn't dent my Mother skills because everything I do is evidence based. I don't believe everything I do is right for every single person, and co-sleeping is one of them. Like-for-like going on statistics co-sleeping has had less infant deaths per annum compared to the cot. And of these deaths it is normally because a Mother wasn't following proper and sound safety precautions. Overheating is a major cause, due to newborns sleeping under a duvet.

And I don't mean to bring offense to people, but it's hard not to, I just want people to have the right information. So that they can make up their own minds from that....

There is only ONE situation where I believe controlled crying is right. When the Mother is suffering badly and completely at the end of her tether, then for the risk of the health of both Mother and baby, putting down a baby and letting it cry itself to sleep in my eyes deemed acceptable. Because a Mother who is strung out is shown to be more likely to harm/abuse her baby.

But doing it so you can just have them tucked up in bed a ie 7pm so you can go downstairs and have a glass of wine, seems like you're putting your needs first. Especially considering babies don't have the right body-clock to begin with, it takes time to adjust and slowly guide them into.

My fear is we are moving into times when Mothers want to carry on as normal after a child has come into their lives, and make things as easy as possible at the risk of their babies health.....And it just really makes me desperately sad.

Wobbles

See I'm finding your posts very difficult because NOBODY has stated what words you are putting into our mouths.

NOBODY said they would leave their child in an uncontrolled crying 'state' NOBODY ... most people would know the limits as the parent for there individual child. Again I believe theres a difference in whinging (like a tired whinge/bored whinge) & crying in need of whatever it may be.

How dare you! Actually quite pissed off at this comment - nobody said this I flaming well didn't & I don't see anyone else suggesting your outragous comment either.

I see its just in your nature to do so!

As for one of your comments GIVING PEOPLE THE FACTS its just your way of things so everyone else should follow? If only everybody did everything by the book like co-sleeping.

Really annoyed now (not offended) so I will leave it there!

elles28

Thanks Wobbles you have put exactly what I was thinking into words xx

fiona-thom

I don't have a problem with cots, I believe what works for everybody is different. And some people find having a LO in their bed uncomfortable, and some have sleeping problems and so can't do so. I don't find it the ideal co-sleeping, it just works best for my baby.... btw.

I think I go on the more of the lines of 'Bringing up Baby' when I said that comment I must admit, and that is the extreme end of the scale as we all know. But I think if you do it from day one, then you're more likely to follow that example.... Because you obviously haven't tried anything else first. But anyway....

I shall also end this discussion here, as I have said the points that are relevant, and fighting it anymore is unneccesary.

Wobbles

Your suggesting I leave my child to cry now? That I am using any shape or form of cruel controlled crying? ... I certainly do not use controlled crying with my nearly 4 month old in fact have stated a possible future thing I have however put the baby down to take '5'. My opinion and the way I think or think I might do things may change in the future - who knows.

But please don't stick words in anyones mouths thats just nasty tbh & please don't suggest 'I don't know any other way' as if I am acting on a form of cruelty to my baby now. I haven't tried anything yet!

fiona-thom

the 'you' was meant as a hypothetical person in my sentance. Directed at the hypothetical person who would start controlled crying from day one.

I really didn't want to post back in here, but I don't see where I've turned around and said you are performing cruelty/child abuse on your child for doing it and you must not love them. Because that is not what I am saying....

I think people just don't have information to hand that could be crucial to their decision. And I have given that. If any of you would like to put some evidence down to why controlled crying is good for children then so be it. This is called 'debate'.

I am not here to put words into peoples mouths or force them to make one decision or the other, but to put down why I wouldn't use controlled crying, instead of just saying 'I don't do it', I always like to have a reason behind anything I do. And at the end of the day, it is a parents call, and if they're happy in the knowledge that they love their child and believe that it is the best thing for them, then it is up to them.

Right I'm most certainly banning myself from replying to this topic again.... I just don't want to be seen as some sort of demon.

StirCrazy

wow, it's amazing what an expert 8 months, 1 week and 5 days can make a person! It's very easy to go around quoting lines out of books as 'fact'... but to be honest I find it very offensive that you pretend to be some kind of authority on infant care when you are just learning to be a parent like the rest of us.

beanie

at risk of being shouted at I don;t think she has put herself as some kind of expert, just put forward some information for others. I have had a habit of using quotes from websites, so people can read it themselves not me saying I am an expert on these matters. this is one of those discussions that there can be strong differing view points (hence why I have been reading only and not joined in about CC.

As mothers all we can do is read round on all the differing points of view and make up our own minds about what is right. I have read some interesting points from both sides.