my LO's always been a rubbish sleeper, lately we've tried to get some kind of routine in the evenings, now he will usually go off to sleep about 10 ish until maybe 1230-1 ish, then he's awake for a feed. fine, but he doesnt really go back to sleep after this - he'll doze off after feeding, then wakes crying as soon as i put him back in his crib. so i get him out to comfort him, he'll be awake for maybe 1.5hrs, then wants another feed, and this keeps going. i sometimes get him to feed in bed with me in the early hours, he might doze then for 1/2 hour or so but wakes up again soon after. this goes on until about 730 when he starts screaming, usually wanting to do a poo, once he's done one he's happy and playful and awake.

he normally has a couple of good naps in the day, lately though he's been having long (2.5-3hr) naps in the middle of the day, i dont know whether to wake him then.

i feel like i'm going mad .... i feel like leaving him to cry as i dont feel like im helping at all, but i just cant do that.

he hasnt stopped crying this morning (neither have i), he's really tired but wont sleep, ive tried everything what am i doing wrong?

i'm such a crap mum

we're having the same problems with Hamish just now... I feel for you, I am exhausted too!

I find the main reason Hamish doesn't settle after a feed during the night is wind... If I can get a good bit of wind out of him he will settle back down much more easily and for longer. The only problem is sometimes it takes so long to get his wind up I either give up too soon out of exhaustion or I carry on so long it wakes him up completely. Haven't really figured it out yet, but I hope you get some peace soon... if your LO is having good naps during the day, can you catch up on a bit of extra sleep then?

didnt wanna read and run, firstly your not a crap mum at all most babies i know do this and alyssa did at 1st, me and OH used to take turns being awake. dnt really know what to suggest, when my LO woke up for her feed we used to have to hold her till she was in a deep sleep then put her down in crib, it worked most the time. I hope you get better advice soon but in no way shape or form does this make you a crap mum at all xxxx

Oh poor you. Helen has been like this since birth except without the daytime sleeping! It's only in the last couple of weeks we've started to see an improvement. Have you tried swaddling (didn't work for us) or putting a hot water bottle in the crib to warm it 1st? Helens night time sleeping is definitely better since I realised the importance of daytime napping so I wouldn't try and wake him from those. If you're exhausted now could you try taking him for a drive or round the block in his pram and then let him sleepin his carseat/pram next to you while you nap.

I have felt exactly like you do on more than one occasion. It will get better with time - so I'm told!!

Hi Ellie

Please dont think you are a crap mum ...thats not true and its a very hard job to do.

Sounds like your LO has his days and nights a bit mixed up. I've forgotten now what age he is from your ticker but over 1 month old? He should still need in the region of 4 hours sleep during the day anyway. It may be that he's not actually hungry every time you're feeding him during the night?

Have you considered whether he has trapped wind? There are various medications you can get like Infacol etc to help with wind. Is he warm enough? Does he like to be swaddled to sleep (some babies like this, especially when still young?)

Where and how do you do your last feed at 10ish? Best to try that in a quiet, darkened setting and do the same thing every night so that he gets used to it. You could try bath, bottle, bed routine - we didnt really put this in place until 10 weeks but it might be worth a try so he knows it is now bedtime.

I used to always feed LO upstairs beside his bed with very dim light on. Didnt speak to him while feeding him and then put him in his sleeping bag and down to bed. That was when his bed time was 930/10 and I would go to bed as well. He has slowly brought his bedtime forward to between 7 and 730 and I never thought that would happen so although it is hard there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Another thought, sorry for the rambles, have you ever tried a dummy to soothe him when he wakes up after being placed in his cot/basket? I know you said he wakes up - this might just help him nod back off. Do you have something that plays a tune like a mobile or something that can hang on his basket...just a thought to try other things other than picking him back up when he wakes up after 1230 feed.

Good luck.

Just had another look at his age....you probably want to aim for no more than 3-4 hours sleep during the day.

You're definately not a crap mum!!
Having similar problems with LO. Hv told me in the next few weeks he should be learning the difference between night/day and sleep better. Hard to believe though isn't it? Seems like they will never sleep "normally". My LO just seemed to feed on/off last night bah!

Ellie you are definitely not a crap mum! I know it can seem like everyone else's baby is in a routine or sleeping through the night or whatever, but all babies are different, some are just a bit more sensitive and needy than others and they are much harder work! Some babies do start sleeping through the night at an early age but I think they are the exception to be honest! It's not anything you are doing wrong, please believe in yourself, Kalden will sort out his sleeping in his own time and not before.

I actually hate talking to people about sleep, it seems like the first thing everyone asks is 'is he sleeping through yet?' My baby is still nowhere near sleeping through and anytime we seem to make a bit of progress it is only for one or two nights and then we are right back to waking up every two hours again. It is totally exhausting but don't make it even harder for yourself by beating yourself up over it. Try to have a bit of compassion for yourself, you are doing a fantastic job and it is not easy to keep it up so give yourself a pat on the back instead of worrying about what you are doing wrong! I always feel like it is a reflection on my parenting skills that my baby is not sleeping well but then I give myself a good telling off for being so silly - honestly babies are all different - I'm sure that you are already doing everything right to help Kalden get into a better routine so he will do it when he is ready!

Sorry for waffling on but it just upsets me to hear to say you are a crap mum, I think you are a great mum, you always show great determination to do your best for your child whatever obstacles you come up against (look at how well you coped with early b/f difficulties) and I think your baby is lucky to have such a caring and sensible mummy!

You're not a crap mum! Getting them to sleep is so hard and it's so difficult not to just hug them in the night when they're crying.

Tom is 6 weeks and while he's doing really well at going to sleep from 7pm to 10pm and then again to around 2am, it all goes downhill after that and he's awake on and off from 3am to about 6am when he comes into our bed for cuddles. We're trying keeping it dark, not picking him up, using a dummy and now relaxing music in the background to help him learn that its sleep time not play time. But its so slow going.

I'd try a dummy if you haven't already and maybe some quiet music that you play every time he should be sleeping. And I wouldn't bother waking him when he's asleep during the day. We've tried that with Tom and I've found it makes no difference really whether he's slept for hours or only a little in the day - he still is awake at the same times in the night. Make the most of the peace and quiet and try and have a nap then.

aw thanks girls,
polaris you're such a sweetie
i hate anyone asking me about sleep too, and of course they always do, i feel like saying that bf babies take longer to sleep through etc and end up feeling like i have to justify his crap sleep and like it's my fault.
doesn't help that i constantly get 'those' comments from both grandmothers too, like MIL talking to him saying things like 'mum's cooking tea, she's neglecting you' (a few days after virtually saying i was spoiling him by holding him all the time ) my mum just turned up to take him out for an hour so I can have a sleep, he's of course happy and smiley and playful and not at all grizzly, she starts cooing at him 'oh i don't know what mammy is on about, you're no trouble at all, mammy's making it up' etc etc .... (on both parts, after they have both asked to come round to spend some time with him!) I know I should ignore it but it just makes me feel like I can't do anything right.

Every day I get up (usually after a night fairly similar to last night) resolving to be strict with routines etc today/tonight, and he does have a routine of sorts, but it gets to the nighttime and i'm so sleepy when I have to get up to him in the night I am just in survival mode. OH sleeps in the other room so as not to be disturbed for work, so it's just me dealing with it.
I've tried: dummy (wasnt interested, spat it out every time I tried), swaddling (used to like it, now hates it and gets frustrated as he likes to chew his hands), we do a 'goodnight downstairs, bath, feed in dark bedroom, bed' routine and that does get him off okay most nights, it's just the getting back off after he wakes up thing. Last night I even put him in his swing downstairs in desparation, which did work, but as soon as I took him back to his crib - ping, he's awake again. Wind - he has suffered a lot but he's getting loads better at burping/farting it out, we've used Infacol for many weeks (limited success) and gripe water on a couple of occasions (disaster, made him scream worse).

Sorry for moaning on ... I'm just feeling really stumped now, I feel like we've tried everything and it's really making me feel crap. I worry all the time about whether I'm meeting his needs and how it's affecting him now and when he's older, I'm terrified of causing him some kind of trauma/attachment problems. I cancelled all our plans today and havent even managed to get dressed (first time since early days). I really hope it does get better but how to encourage it to do that? Am I missing something and am cockign it all up? should I be doing / not doing something else? or is it really just time and when he's ready?