Will your MIL be looking after LO in your house or her own? Id her own, can't you swallow your anger a bit and go to see her there - making it clear that your visits there are the only time (unless a special reason for going over to yours) that she sees him.

She would then see him on her 'turf', which might stop her coming unannounced to yours. Yes, it's a power thing, but you need her. And you can go home when you like

I think the 'LO's smiling for me' is normal, unfortunately - my MIL does it too. I take a selfish satisfaction in the fact that whenever she holds Eve, she stares at me all the time, to reassure herself that I'm there! MIL says 'it's cos you're sitting next to the light and it's attracting her'. No it's not - it's cos I'm her mum!

Having said that, my MIL is lovely - I think tension exists whatever the MIL is like

I think you need to start putting your foot down with her. It may get worse as your DS grows up and he will start picking up on her negativity towards you, especially with her constant criticism about how you are bring you ds up.

It is a shame that you can not put your son in to nursery while you're at work, as allowing her to look after your son is giving her lots of power, as she knows without her help you won't be able to work.

Hi honey, i have more than a little sympathy for you, my MIL began that sort of behaviour when we got married, with the 'He doesn't like his shirts ironed that way' or 'Lamb isn't his favourite chicken is!' or my personal favourite 'You need to learn to be a proper army wife' (she isn't one so how would she know?!)

Anyway, we addressed the problem together and she did as you suspect your MIL would and twisted it all around pretending she didn't understand the problem. As it happened things got so bad my husband no longer speaks to his family at all and despite several attempts on our part to make peace she hasn't met Poppy and probably never will. In some ways i am glad, unlike your MIL she wasn't nice, even deep down and i dread to think of the comments i'd have had over my mothering skills. On the other hand i feel for Poppy as she is missing out and hubby as he doesn't speak to his family, although ultimately that was his decision. I never once tried to make him choose or told him not to speak to them.

I suppose what i'm trying to say is that in my opinion there is no happy medium when you come accross a MIL with those kinds of control issues. I hate to say it and i know it doesn't help your situation but i think your husband is probably right, just nod and smile then get on with doing it how you want. I know some might say you need to express your feelings instead of keeping them in but in this situation there is a lot to lose and its not likely you'll be able to have a rational discussion with her.

Whatever you decide i really wish you all the luck in the world xxx

Awww hun what a complete nightmare. I think that you have been a virtual saint coping with her. I really dont know what advise to give you about how to deal with her. The only thing that I can suggest is try to talk to her and say something along the lines of " I appreciate your advise and thank you for giving it to me. We have made the parenting decisions the we have due to careful considerations of what is best of us and for our baby and would like you to respect them.

I'm so lucky that my MIL lives in Scotland so i dont really have to deal with her. She was supposed to stay with us for a weekend when Bethan was 3 weeks old to meet her and in the end stayed in a hotel with her new BF (who she didn't even tell us about until 5 days before and even then told us and him a whole heap of lies - another story) and spent 45 mins with Bethan in which time managed to pass comment on Bethan having a sticky eye (as if I didn't know this), claimed that bethan was mimicking her (which she wasn't), when Bethan filled her nappy practically threw her at me shouting ooohhh she stinks (which she didn't), oh and commenting that I am too selfish to be a mum as if I wasn't then I would give up working and my horses to stay at home with Bethan.....

MILs are a strange species and they seem to be designed to be annoying.

its so funny to think we will probably be someones mil one day!

LOL, I was thinking that myself you know. I'm hoping that I'll remember how annoying I found my MIL and avoid being like that myself.......

Ahh! It's so hard to get on to reply to all of your wonderful posts when I'm in a completely opposite time zone! First, I have to give all around!

It's helped so much to talk this out w/ all of your support and advice. I've calmed down considerably since I first started ranting. I'm trying to go about this now from a more objective, neutral stance. Don't know how successful I'll be but I'll do my darndest.
That's how I'm feeling about myself right now... do I listen to my angelic side or my devilish side? MIL is SOOO volatile, it looks like there are only two choices for me:

CHOICE ONE
I sit her down for a serious, honest talk, asking her to change because if she doesn't, she will drive me to another nervous breakdown. If she takes it the wrong way or starts getting hostile, I'll just let it all out... no going back after that!! This choice would certainly make me feel better in the short term as I'll get to unload on her and tell her "where to go"! But as some of you caution, there could be... actually, there WILL BE serious longterm consequences. I'm sure it would play out exactly the same way it did for you, armywife (I'm so sorry to hear how badly this tore your DH's family apart )

CHOICE TWO
I swallow my anger, hope that she will only behave this way while DS is little, and do what I can to just keep the peace because I am relying on her. I know this is ultimately the best choice for everyone... everyone but me. It's good for DH, DS, MIL, and all my in-laws because it means that we can still be "one big happy family". The sacrifice here is that I will never be completely happy... and it's JUST NOT FAIR that I'm the one who has to change, not HER even though she's the one who's acting unreasonably.

DH is willing to talk about this w/ me and he is in complete agreement that his mom is totally . But no matter how psycho she gets, she's still his mom and he'll always care enough about her to prefer to maintain good relations than to "stir the pot". He supports whatever choice I make but he fears that if I go w/ choice #1, MIL will just shun me from her family but keep demanding to see DH and DS.

ARGH... this is NOT an easy decision. It's hard enough just having to care for a little one... why does MIL have to ADD unnecessary stress to my life?? I will be sure to be a wonderful MIL too when it's my turn!! Funny I should say that, actually... MIL always rants about her own MIL for being really rude, critical, etc. to her!! What a hypocrite.

Anyway, thanks so much, girls. I'm gonna sit on this for a while longer. When I come to a decision, I'll let you know what I choose.

glad you're feeling better, sitting on it for a while longer sounds like a good plan x

MIL was amazingly restrained over the holidays. I was actually a tad too frosty to her during various engagements. She has continued to be tolerable and even very nice to be w/, even w/ LO in both of our presence! So... I have decided to continue to be civil and as diplomatic as possible for the timebeing. When her ugly side rears its head again, you can be sure I'll be back on, asking for your help!!

Thanks gals!

great news, glad your holidays were good x