our baby boy is just over nine weeks old, seems otherwise healthy and active but refuses point blank to look at either me or his mum. in fact, he will actually avert his gaze if we move into his line of sight.
in addition to this, he doesn't noticeably respond to our voices (although will jump if he hears a loud noise) and rarely, if ever, gives even the faintest of smiles.
even if he was just staring randomly, he would surely look at us sometimes, but to make a point of looking away is so upsetting.
the books we've read tell us that he should have been smiling and looking at us b/w 5-8 weeks.
does anyone know what could cause his behaviour?
we spoke to our doctor, who seemed a little concerned, but told us to come back in two weeks. in the mean time, my partner and i are getting more and more worried - not helped by the fact that we know that these are all symptoms which can be associated with autism.
i know that the obvious answer is to relax and stop worrying - probably the very advice i would give if i were asked - but the truth is that we are worried sick. we have yet to hear from anyone who's baby was so far behind the development curve, but who subsequently caught up.
our friends with children have all been very kind, but the best advice anyone seems to do be able to do is "my baby smiled at 4/5/6/7 weeks, BUT all babies are different, so don't worry"
as his parents, it is impossible not to worry. if it was just the case that he is at the lower end of the developmental curve, i wouldn't bat an eyelid, but he seems to have fallen right off the bottom and we are scared that there may be something seriously wrong with him.
any advice or similar experiences would be very gratefully received.

i'm sorry i can't help - but my friends baby was a late developer.he didnt smile until he was about 8/9 weeks

hope this gives you just a little bit of comfort

This brings me back to when Aisling was the same age!

Until about 4-5 months old, Aisling very rarely gave anyone eye contact and would actively look away if we tried to look her in the eye. We were also worried about autism but from all the reading I've done, it's way way too early to even try to diagnose autism so if possible, try not to worry about it. We were told to look out for whether she checked even briefly to see if we were around and whether she would respond to us by cooing if we cooed at her. She did both of these things but not until she was older than your LO, I can't remember exactly when. She smiled for the first time at 6 weeks but it took a good few weeks before it was a common thing, we had to work very very hard for a smile in the beginning.

Now, she's constantly smiling and giggling and gives great eye contact. I'm not sure what the issue was but it's fine now. Aisling was diagnosed at just over 5 months with a retinal coloboma in her right eye which means her retina didn't fully develop in the womb. It's likely that she has severe visual impairment or is blind in her right eye and the doctors can't say whether that contributed to her lack of eye contact. I'm not saying for one moment that your LO has any visual problems as it's probably just a coincidence but if you find that the newborn crosseyed look takes longer to go away than usual, it might just be worth mentioning it to your HV.

I'm not sure about the hearing issue, that's not something I experienced.

Good luck, I'm sure your LO is absolutely fine

thanks lu28
it's good to hear that yours finally came round to looking at you and smiling.
we are fairly sure that he does look at some things - just not us! that said, we'll definitely mention the sight thing when we next see the doctor.
we just want what's best for our little boy and of there is something wrong, we can at least start to try to help him.
being told by the doctor to relax and 'wait and see' doesn't help much when there is no change, day after day.
it's just so heart-breaking to see all the children who were born at the same time as him smiling and looking adoringly at their mum and dad, while our little one stares off to the side, in his own little world.

No problem!

I always got the impression that everything else was much more interesting than me and DH. Faces are meant to be what babies are most interested in looking at but not in our case! Aisling's sight generally seems ok, she can see everything as her left eye seems to compensate for the right but she has problems about peripheral vision etc. I wondered though whether when we were giving her eye contact, it wasn't always directed at her 'good' eye so maybe she got confused by the whole thing? God knows! But now we direct eye contact at her left eye just in case!

It is horrible seeing other parents having all those lovely moments though. I remember at baby massage, all the other parents and babies were looking at each other all the way through the class and Aisling was busy staring at everything and anything but me It really did get better for us though, she's just like every other baby now.

Ur LO sounds like mine! up until really recently Kian wouldn't make eye contact if we held him in front of us...we'd turn him so we were in his line of sight and he'd turn his eyes away! it was quite a funny game. He'd watch us from far away. I think its a strange phase coz He doesn't do it anymore. He also didn't respond to us speaking or making sounds for ages (infact he only does it when he feels like it now) and he didn't smile that often until recently...he used to smile when i went into him first thing in the morning and if we made really exaggerated smiles/laughs at him he's give us a grin back (sometimes...other times he's just give us a weird look) but over the last week or so he's becoming more and more smiley (i noticed the other day he was smiling at his toys!)and he's recently started proper laughing. i think sociable smiling/looking at people when they speak etc is something that happens gradually. i wouldn't worry ur LO doesn't sound abnormal to me x

Hi there,

I'm sorry to read that you're struggling and it's very natural to worry. He's your little baby boy! I was just going to suggest a few things but I'm sure you've tried them all, so my apologies if you have.

With the eye contact thing, is it just the two of you he wont look at? Or is it all people? (other family members, doctors, etc) Will he look at objects? Has he had his 6 week check where the doctor encourages him to follow an object with his eyes? How did he perform on that?

With the smiling, do you encourage him to smile? I found that the more I smiled at my little girl, the more she smiled back and that it also helped when I tried varying the tone and pitch of my voice. softer and higher. We were constantly making noises (like blowing raspberrys - to attract her attention but also because she just loved the sound... now she's the one blowing raspberrys and making us laugh!)

It's hard to not worry, but the more you do, the more he'll pick up on it... babies are very intuitive. Just don't give up and keep trying!! His gorgeous smile will be melting your heart in no time!!

Our LO until fairly recently didn't really look at us as much as our outlines or the blank wall behind us. I put it down to his inability to see anything apart from sharp contrasts. He also responds differently in different places e.g. he gurgles most on his change mat.

Hopefully you can enjoy the time with them and not spend it all worrying.

our LO gave his fisrt smile @ 7 weeks i think but that was jus one he didnt start really smiling till 8/9 weeks. Also we took him out for dinner 2 weeks ago with my family and my aunty bless she is my favourite aunty very child friendly and loves children but zac would not give her the time of day every one else he was paying attention too but every time my aunt tried speaking or try n make him laff he just turned his head really quickly and focused on something else...but now when he sees her he pays her all his attention i just think some babies go through a faze of looking away and focusing on something or some one else sometimes zac makes a bee line for bright colours or music n i cant get his attention lol...with zac i tried getting his attention always pulling silly faces and trying my hardest to make him smiling even if it does end up me looking like a fool hope this helps xx

Hi Cath
The lack of looking at faces seems to extend to everyone - not just us. We recently had our 6 weeks scan (at 8 1/2 weeks, because the surgery was being renovated and they cancelled on us, grrrr). The doctor seemed to think that he briefly looked at him, but he certainly didn't follow his movement. however, no other friends or family have had any more luck with him than we have.
We always used to just sing songs and talk to him in a normal voice, talking rubbish about what we are doing and what the plans are for the day. however, over the past week or so, as we have become more and more concerned about his lack of smiling/looking, we have done more in the way of just saying hello, calling his name in a higher-pitched voice and making general baby noises at him. as you suggest, maybe in time, this will interest him more than us just talking to him normally (although it's not like we never coo at him anyway).
we will definitely follow your advice re smiling and try to let him see us doing it up close as much as we can - even if we feel like crying with frustration on the inside!
again, it's not like we never smile at him - in fact, we normally smile loads - but maybe if he only ever sees us with a big grin on our faces, it will encourage him to do the same. of course, he will need to look at us first in order to see it....!