unable to christen baby advice please

laura3103 · Oct 1st, 2009, 06:55 AM

hi all

just wanted a little help i had a meeting withthe vicar yesterday who told me that i couldn't have my little christen/baptised because i'm not married and didn't have my baby the way that god planned ( totally not my fault he left me) but explained that i could have thanksgiving service but god parents will not be involved which is something i wanted as i have godparents and they are lovely and treat me like there own.

i'm not sure weather to bother now as i really ust only wanted her christened not a thanksgiving service just because i'm a single parent i would feel like i'm being punished iykwim.

i do want her to go to sunday school when she is older but i'm thinking now shall i leave it until she decides for herslef that she wants to be christened.

also i know its not about money but i dont want to go out and spend loads of money on things for this service knows it doesnt really mean anything.

what do you think i should do?

Pyrrhic · Oct 1st, 2009, 06:57 AM

Was it a catholic church?

I think you should find a different church, and a different reverend.

K477uk · Oct 1st, 2009, 06:59 AM

I believe it is the up to the Vicar whether they allow Christenings in these situations, so you may be able to find a Vicar who is more supportive. I know that my local Vicar has done Christenings with unmarried mothers.

If it is important to you, then maybe asking around is worth it. If not, then maybe waiting until she is older is the better way to go!

nikkip75 · Oct 1st, 2009, 07:02 AM

that is disgusting!!!!! that is discrimination

could you not try a different church or is that one special to you???

i know loads of people who have had their kids christened and not been married, im not married but we have 3 kids so as good as!!

i have 2 brothers and a sister and none of us are christened and none of my kids are either but thats just my personal choice.

i really cant believe a vicar can say things like that in this day and age! no wonder not many people go to church anymore

ChloesMummy · Oct 1st, 2009, 07:04 AM

I was single and unmarried when I had Chloe and the same as you my minister refused to christen her and lectured me about my awfull situation! I then went to another church and got her christened no probs. x

lauraperrysan · Oct 1st, 2009, 07:06 AM

i'm not with my little girls father and she was christened a year ago. our church was lovely to us and I told them I dont think it would be fair for Lily not to be Christened due to her father leaving, why punish her for his behavious. Maybe you could write a letter to the vicar and express your feelings etc.....
Are you C.O.E or R.C? xx

laura3103 · Oct 1st, 2009, 07:10 AM

I'M C OF E

thanks everyone i have just rang the church that i was christened in and asked them to ring me back about a booking in april next year. hopefully the vicar there is more understanding.

he acutualy did give me a little lecture about it going on about adam and eve and eatting the apple.

basically said i had brought htis upon myself for not being married before sex. i felt like screaming its the 21st centery but didn't and then he prayed for me.

my sister had her son christend at the same church years ago and she is a teen single mum but it was by a nicer vicar.

Blah11 · Oct 1st, 2009, 07:13 AM

You wouldn't want her to be christened by such a horrible vicar anyway. Glad you're trying another church. There's loads of vicars who will preform it for you even though you're not married X

Pyrrhic · Oct 1st, 2009, 07:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikkip75

that is disgusting!!!!! that is discrimination

Actually, it's not disgusting at all, nor is it discrimination. Each Reverend is responsible for upholding biblical teachings in their own church, and how they choose to govern their church is up to them. If you do not like the way a Reverend runs their parish, then use a different church. However subscribing closely to the values of the bible, which is what the church stands for, is hardly disgusting.

When i was getting married one Reverend wouldn't allow me in his church as OH and I were living together. It is not a huge fuss to me to go to a Church that is more sympathetic to the lifestyle of today, however I certainly did not think badly of the Reverend for adhering to the bible more closely. How he runs his parish is his business, and you would suppose his parish are happy with that.

jackiea85 · Oct 1st, 2009, 07:15 AM

I would definitely try somewhere else hun, sounds like he is just being rude to you. I went to a christening recently where the father wasn't involved and it was a proper christening with godparents, not a thanksgiving service xx

Oct 1st, 2009, 06:55 AM	#1
laura3103 Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Dudley, West Mids Posts: 1,284	unable to christen baby advice please hi all just wanted a little help i had a meeting withthe vicar yesterday who told me that i couldn't have my little christen/baptised because i'm not married and didn't have my baby the way that god planned ( totally not my fault he left me) but explained that i could have thanksgiving service but god parents will not be involved which is something i wanted as i have godparents and they are lovely and treat me like there own. i'm not sure weather to bother now as i really ust only wanted her christened not a thanksgiving service just because i'm a single parent i would feel like i'm being punished iykwim. i do want her to go to sunday school when she is older but i'm thinking now shall i leave it until she decides for herslef that she wants to be christened. also i know its not about money but i dont want to go out and spend loads of money on things for this service knows it doesnt really mean anything. what do you think i should do?

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Oct 1st, 2009, 06:57 AM	#2
Pyrrhic Mum (Mom) BnB Elite Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 14,567	Was it a catholic church? I think you should find a different church, and a different reverend.

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Oct 1st, 2009, 06:59 AM	#3
K477uk Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Nottingham Posts: 1,842	I believe it is the up to the Vicar whether they allow Christenings in these situations, so you may be able to find a Vicar who is more supportive. I know that my local Vicar has done Christenings with unmarried mothers. If it is important to you, then maybe asking around is worth it. If not, then maybe waiting until she is older is the better way to go!

Status: Offline

Oct 1st, 2009, 07:02 AM	#4
nikkip75 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 4,354	that is disgusting!!!!! that is discrimination could you not try a different church or is that one special to you??? i know loads of people who have had their kids christened and not been married, im not married but we have 3 kids so as good as!! i have 2 brothers and a sister and none of us are christened and none of my kids are either but thats just my personal choice. i really cant believe a vicar can say things like that in this day and age! no wonder not many people go to church anymore

Status: Offline

Oct 1st, 2009, 07:04 AM	#5
ChloesMummy Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Scotland Posts: 2,322	I was single and unmarried when I had Chloe and the same as you my minister refused to christen her and lectured me about my awfull situation! I then went to another church and got her christened no probs. x

Status: Offline

Oct 1st, 2009, 07:06 AM	#6
lauraperrysan Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Dorset Posts: 1,882	i'm not with my little girls father and she was christened a year ago. our church was lovely to us and I told them I dont think it would be fair for Lily not to be Christened due to her father leaving, why punish her for his behavious. Maybe you could write a letter to the vicar and express your feelings etc..... Are you C.O.E or R.C? xx

Status: Offline

Oct 1st, 2009, 07:10 AM	#7
laura3103 Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Dudley, West Mids Posts: 1,284	I'M C OF E thanks everyone i have just rang the church that i was christened in and asked them to ring me back about a booking in april next year. hopefully the vicar there is more understanding. he acutualy did give me a little lecture about it going on about adam and eve and eatting the apple. basically said i had brought htis upon myself for not being married before sex. i felt like screaming its the 21st centery but didn't and then he prayed for me. my sister had her son christend at the same church years ago and she is a teen single mum but it was by a nicer vicar.

Status: Offline

Oct 1st, 2009, 07:13 AM	#8
Blah11 Mum (Mom) BnB Spammer Elite Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 32,873	You wouldn't want her to be christened by such a horrible vicar anyway. Glad you're trying another church. There's loads of vicars who will preform it for you even though you're not married X

Status: Offline

Oct 1st, 2009, 07:15 AM	#10
jackiea85 Other Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 2,398	I would definitely try somewhere else hun, sounds like he is just being rude to you. I went to a christening recently where the father wasn't involved and it was a proper christening with godparents, not a thanksgiving service xx

Status: Offline

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