Welcome to our weekly Ask a Mum thread

If you are unfamiliar with these threads, the concept is that each week a member is nominated to speak about an issue that relates to them. People may ask them as many questions as they wish, and they will do their best to answer them. The idea is that we all learn about one another, and discuss issues and lifestyles that affect one another.

This week's member is Rafwife.

Rafwife recently became a serving solider in the Territorial Army and starts her training next month. Her OH is also serving in the RAF, making them a dual military family.
She is happy to answer any questions you might like to ask.


If you would like to volunteer to be one of our Ask A Mums, then please PM me. (Please do not post in this thread)

You need to include what subjects you would like to talk about, and then when it is your week I will PM you the weekend before. Please note though, that it may take several weeks for it to be your turn. If you have any questions about the Ask A Mum threads, then please PM me.

These threads are for questions for our weekly Mum only.

Previous Ask A Mum Threads:
Post Natal Depression
7 Kids 10 and Under
Survived domestic violence
Assisted Conception
Teen Mums in UK & US
Cloth Nappies/Diapers
Baby Signing
Baby Led Weaning BLW
Hypno Birthing
Working Mum
Fell Pregnant 5 wks in to relationship
Living with a disibility
Baby Wearing
Ask a DAD!

Do you guys get posted alot? How do you feel about moving if you do, with having a baby?

My OH's family is Military, and the moving is the main reason why he didn't want to enlist. Although he has maintained that the reason why he can go into a room and chat with anyone is from the constant moving when he was a child.

After reading sombody elses post about having to leave her daughter for 4 months and missing christmas ...How will u cope with leaving your lo for months and who will have her ?

how will you manage childcare if you are both sent off? are you worried about missing things with your LO?

xxx

How do you cope with the 'not knowing'? Like, where will i be in a year etc...xx

My DH is in the military. I'm still somewhat "new" to it all in a way. We've spent alot of our relationship apart so I didn't have to deal with alot of the things he goes through. I'm terrified that DH is going to be going to Iraq before they start the pullout in 2012, even then its a possibility he could go to Afghanistan. Has your OH ever been deployed? If he has been deployed how did you handle it while he was gone? Also how do you cope with moving around?

This is the first place I've REALLY moved to and we're getting ready to move again for 6 months then move again. Ok I'm done now. sorry if thats too many questions!

(this might be a bit wrong so please feel free to delete/egnore. i wouldnt be able to do it my self only for this reason)

if i and OH both went out and died (touch wood, not wishing this on you ATALL) the DD Would be left with no mommy or daddy . how does that part of it all make you feel like?

We get posted every 2.5 years, and that won't ever change. However, within the military different branches move at a different rate. For instance Engineers move every 18 months.

I'm happy to move, anytime, anywhere. usually you will get 2 months notice, but on our last move we got 2 weeks. I grew up moving every 2 years, so to me it's normal. For Niamh, I am happy for her to move around as long as she is. If she gets to an age where it starts to affect her, we'll look at a more permenent arrangement (ie one of us settling somewhere while the other moves) or her going to boarding school. The military subsidises private education for us, so we can have the option of boarding schools

You do end up getting used to it. Packing up your entire life and moving it across the country (and sometimes the world!) at a moments notice.

I'll tie these questions together as they are quite similar

OH and I will never be sent off to a place like Afghanistan together. The military is very careful to arrange not that one parent is at home, but that both parents are never in a situation where they could both be in danger. The military won't even let OH and I fly in an aircraft together in case it goes down.

We have people called 'desk officers' and they decide where we go and when. Luckily, even though I'm Army and OH is RAF they will be speaking to each other and try to be flexible.

As a soldier in the TA, I am also in total control of my own deployments. I decide when I am able to go out somewhere like Afghanistan, and let them know.

Oh goes for 12 weeks in the RAF, I'll go for 6 months. It will be hard, and long and of course I will miss my family a lot. You never join to go to war, but it's part of the job. I can't command men in my unit, then not go myself. I'm just lucky I get to choose when I go.

So when I do go, OH will be looking after Niamh and you do take a lot of comfort in knowing they are ok with your husband and your family are safe and well at home.

To me, it's exciting. I love not knowing what's on the horizon. I could never be in a life where I did the same thing everyday, and I think thats why people like me are attracted to the military.

You can make a pretty good guess though. I know that this time next year, OH will be on leave as he's off to Afghanistan in October until January. My unit will be quiet, and I'll be away probably every other weekend.