Molly May is in Hospital at the moment she has something wrong with her heart, its twice the normal size, she is getting transfered to Great Ormond Street tomorrow so they can do an EKG (Echo) on her to find out whats wrong.

I never noticed anything wrong!!! My mum did though.

We went for her 6 week check on Tue, The Health visitor wasnt there but the Nursey lady we saw said she wasn't putting on enough wait (I do have a thread about this here somewhere...) and said I have to feed her 3 oz every 3 hours, wake her up if I need to and that we had to come back on thur to get her re weighed.

Brought her on thur, she hadn't put on enough and the health visitor was saying the same things (Get that milk down her) and she noticed her breathing was laboured and she grunted and stuff, she spoke to the hospital and she told us to take her to A&E, which we did and they did an xray of her heart and they told us it was enlarged, they didnt have any beds so she had to be transferred to another hospital (in an ambulance with the flashing blue lights Molly May was asleep the whole time)

Ok, thur night, in Hospital No 2, they told us that she had symptoms of heart failure (aculamntion of fluid that the heart was having trouble pumping around, enlarged liver) and they gave her water tablets (well a liquid) to deal with that, they they told us they need to do a Echo to find out whats wrong, it could be something to do with the heart muscles, it could be some sort of infection (ALthough her blood work indicated she didnt have an infection ) Or it could be a hole in the heart.

AND on top of all that I feel like the WORST MUM EVER (I am Borderline PND) because I already dont feel an emtional bond at all with her, I wish my mum and partner were around all the time so I can just hand her over, and when she was dignosed with the heart trouble, my mum cried, my partner cried, my nan sister and auntie cried....I didnt and it isnt because of shock, it because I feel nothing for my daughter!

Even now!! I wanted to come home because I wanted to sort myself out, but also because I wanted to have something to eat, watch tv, go on the net etc.... and if that wasnt bad enough, I didnt even miss her.
Im dead inside, I dont really deserve her if I feel nothing for her ( I would like to point out that I do take care of her physically, aka changing and feeding her and comforting her etc, but its what I would do for any old baby, the problem is she is my daughter so I should be feeling different towards her.)

Ok, thats it for now, I will update later!!

bless ya hun ur not the worst mum in the world but maybe u do need to really talk to someone about how ur feeling.

really hope molly may is ok,and everything is fine.

feel free to chat to me whenever if u need one xxx

Dont really know what to say to the last part cept you need to talk to someone about it as its really not normal to feel that way about your baby.

Hope Molly May is okay

Hope Molly recovers soon ....come into the http://www.babyandbump.com/postnatal...rt-thread.html AND see your not alone in how you are feeling and plz talk to somebody about how you are feeling the first step is admitting it ...you are not the worst mother xxxx

omg hun i hope she is ok xx

i also think rather than being borderline you might have pnd...please go and speak to your hv or doctor, hugs xxx

Oh hon, sending you big , I hope Molly May gets better soon.

Agree with the others though, it sounds like you do have PND rather than being borderline, please talk to your doc or HV about it. You're not a bad mum at all

Hope Molly May is OK and she gets a diagnosis soon!!

Don't feel bad about the way you feel Maybe it would help to talk to someone close to you about how you are feeling.

xx

Awww. I can sympathise with what you are feeling, I really can! I worry about being a bad mum to emma, but not cause I am worried she wont love me etc, but because I am scared of what other people would think.

I hope that the EKG reveals whats wrong. I am learning that every little grunt can make u worry - Emma is very good at very rapid breathing, then holding her breath, then going mental again. That and what we call her Milk Fits - when feeding she suddenly wakes up, spits the boob out and goes mental waving her arms and legs and grunting.

hope everything turns out well, i'm sure it will, need to talk to hv about pnd try get this sorted hun.
stay strong,
lots of big hugs coming your way
xx

your not a terrible mum sweetie Liam was born with a PND i noticed his breathing wasnt right on his 2nd as we were being discharged he had an echo chest xray and was in special care for a week dischared when he was 10days old as his breathing settled went back for another echo when he was 8 weeks the hole is still there but its now really small, if she does have a hole in her heart then they can either see if it cloes by itself or they will do key hole surgery and be out the same day( information i was told) You should ask to speak to someone about how your feeling and your not a terrible mum your going through a ruff time at the moment but speak to a friendly face and let it all out xxxx