LTTTC & Assisted Conception Section Guidelines

I'm interested in any ideas & suggestions regarding some guidelines for this section from girls who have been or are on this journey.

It's hard because although some people may not fully relate to your journey many want to wish you luck on your journey in your diaries etc.

This comes after a couple of recent topics so I am curious what you girls think.

Wobbles

x

Thanks! I know this has been a "touchy" subject recently, so this is a great idea. Let me put my thinking cap on...

Hi - just signing into the thread. I am too new in this forum to feel comfortable suggesting anything, but I want to know what the guidelines are so I don't overstep the mark.

xxx

Because it seems clear that the majority of the girls would like non LTTTC'er members to post, then I guess its majority rules. Some ideas for non LTTTC'ers who wish to post:

* Please don't post TTC advice like 'relax, take a holiday, you can always adopt, stop thinking and it will happen, joe and mary down the road did IVF then took a month off and forgot about it and voila - pg!'

* Please turn off pg tickers (again, might be just me, majority will always rule!)

* If you'd like to post good luck or ask a genuine question thats fine, but please think before you type - what you think may not offend, may very well end up being very upsetting.

Wobs, what about a poll after our ideas for LTTTC'ers only allowed to vote?? Or where you going to do that anyway?!?

Thankyou so much for being so understanding and taking the time to help everyone to be comfortable in this section :hugs:

Hi - just signing into the thread. I am too new in this forum to feel comfortable suggesting anything, but I want to know what the guidelines are so I don't overstep the mark.

xxx

Your opinions are valued just as much as anyone elses hun - there are no guidelines but what does need to be addressed is how sensitive this journey is for those in it which can be hard for others to understand - basically common sense.

Its hard ...thats why I've asked you girls and as I say any suggestions, ideas, opinions are welcome on this thread no matter when you joined how many posts you have etc etc

x

* Please turn off pg tickers (again, might be just me, majority will always rule!)This is one I have thought of however in the past I had them turned off completely but of course that kinda put a downer on those using the section with their appointment tickers etc etc then someone said that they liked seeing even pg tickers esspecially from their ttc pals who had success (like helen for example). This is tricky as someone mentioned me included is they try to remember but sometimes slips the mind and turning them off yourself is just a genuine mistake I have thought also that the gaga tickers are the worst to be seen ...would I be right?

I have thought also that the gaga tickers are the worst to be seen ...would I be right?

yes!

Wobs, I think leaving tickers on its a great idea, but to make a mention in a sticky thread of guidlines for non LTTTC'ers to turn their pg tickers off. I know it will slip the mind but if they can just be mindful and try and remember would be great.

You, AG, Helen and other LTTTC'ers tickers aren't what I mean, just regular TTC and I know having that seperation can be tricky, so I think the mention of turning pg tickers off for those with a normal and lucky journey could be the go?

Wobs do you think the idea of gathering peoples suggestions then running a poll (for LTTTC'ers only to vote as I feel normal TTC'ers might not understand and therefore disagree) for what to include in the guidlines/rule sticky thread for this section might be a good idea to guage everyones feelings in a majority rules vote?

So I am new to TTC going on 7 months TTC ( I am 37 and mc last year)

I would not post in here ( except to give my opinion on this particlar thread) but do read posts!
I just want to say...that i agree with everything FJL has brought up.
With the amount of new members joining BnB, I am sure the stream of TTC's coming and going on LTTTC can be frustrating.

I really do think this forumn should be like the 18 plus...you register and then get a 'rules" type post to go along with it.
Might be a little more work for our Mods but......better then having someone post before thinking.
Just my 2 cents worth

p.s. thats all the posting I will do. but i will keep on reading.

I think that this is a great idea. (I know I can be really bitchy about the things that are said. :dohh:)

I definitely think the most important this is what FJL said:
* Please don't post TTC advice like 'relax, take a holiday, you can always adopt, stop thinking and it will happen, joe and mary down the road did IVF then took a month off and forgot about it and voila - pg!'

^ I know this is what sets most of us off or makes us really upset.

Tickers don't bug me so much but success stories do. (I know this is heartless... seriously but it bothers me when people just say, "I have been there and now I have this cute little child to call my own.")

I am happy for whatever people decide to do. A poll is probably a good way to go.

I really do think this forumn should be like the 18 plus...you register and then get a 'rules" type post to go along with it.
Might be a little more work for our Mods but......better then having someone post before thinking.
Do you think maybe having a mod for this section specifically would help?

Also, I am not sure if anyone really wants this... I am not even sure if I do but maybe we can lock this section like "the Girls Sanctuary." This way we can post our mind without worrying about insulting the regular TTC girls.

Just an idea - would it be possible to create two boards within the forum, one for ltttc factual stuff like advice, questions and stuff that anybody might be interested in, and another for venting? It seems to me that the problem is really with ttcers sticking their noses in the latter. A venting board could be a private one, but actually the name of it could probably be enough to put non ltttcers off, if was just called Long Term Buddies or something like that?

xxxxx

Magic - I think the idea of another section is a really good one!

Or to be really picky maybe a 2 more apart from this one and they become locked and members (must be LTTTC) approved by mods? So we can have this one for general questions, support from everyone etc, and a few others for different reasons? As Magic said, a private vent one but also an area to talk about things non venting where we know regular TTC'ers won't see, and perhaps another one for those undergoing certain treatments they wish to keep private??

I might be going a bit overboard but just a thought :) Not sure if you're able or want to expand this section anymore Wobs, but just a another thought to play around with I guess! I know whatever you decide will be great!

Perhaps it is a good idea to have a private LTTTC section, because a lot of the comments posted by LTTTCers about short term TTC and preg women upset me. I dont want to get in a slanging match, but we are all entitled to our opinion.I find certain LTTTCers very hostile and come across as jealous, which is understandable, but its unfair on the 'fertiles' (as they call them). It appears to me that we have to walk on egg shells around LTTCers but they can rant what they like. Pregnancy is a wonderful thing and women should not have to hide the fact that they are pregnant to avoid upsetting people.
So perhaps a private section is a good idea.

And before anyone asks, yes i do have a child, and yes i have been diagnosed with secondary infertility this time TTC, so i do understand a bit from both sides.

I mean to upset no-one, just explaining my reasons why a private section would be a good idea.

It appears to me that we have to walk on egg shells around LTTCers but they can rant what they like. Pregnancy is a wonderful thing and women should not have to hide the fact that they are pregnant to avoid upsetting people.I disagree with your post mainly the bit quoted above. Why? Because some of the girls only ask for a bit of common sense and a bit of sensitivity in THIS one and only section not the rest of BabyandBump.

Using the word jealous I felt was very wrong also .... course they are ffs but its not 'personal' I was VERY jealous of even a passing stranger with a bump in the street through my journey.

I know you said you mean no harm but I couldn't help but stand up to that lol x

Anyhooooooo I'll consider a new mod for LTTTC & yer maybe a closed section or permission only to reply.

x

Just a quick point. On other boards there are sometimes separate sections for LTTC and for infertility/medical intervention since there are plenty of people who are LTTC but still TTC naturally and plenty of new TTCers who are in need of medical assistance to achieve pregnancy.

It appears to me that we have to walk on egg shells around LTTCers but they can rant what they like. Pregnancy is a wonderful thing and women should not have to hide the fact that they are pregnant to avoid upsetting people.I disagree with your post mainly the bit quoted above. Why? Because some of the girls only ask for a bit of common sense and a bit of sensitivity in THIS one and only section not the rest of BabyandBump.

Using the word jealous I felt was very wrong also .... course they are ffs but its not 'personal' I was VERY jealous of even a passing stranger with a bump in the street through my journey.

I know you said you mean no harm but I couldn't help but stand up to that lol x

Anyhooooooo I'll consider a new mod for LTTTC & yer maybe a closed section or permission only to reply.

x

Yes i should have phrased it better, and of course the girls in the LTTTC section are certainly entitled to common sense and sensitivity.
This time round i have been TTC for 9 months, so i too feel some despair. Granted, i already have a child, but i still feel heart broken. I just cant understand why some people are so hostile, when really we are all aiming for the same thing, and should just support each other.

I do feel your pain and frustration, maybe not as much, but i do care, and would gladly change it all in a heart beat if i could.

Sorry if I came across as having a go actually don't think you took it that way but just incase - Its AM I'm not fully working yet lol

I can't imagine 2nd infertility is easier just because you've had a child.

I'm not sure who you meant when you said I do feel your pain and frustration, maybe not as much, but i do care, and would gladly change it all in a heart beat if i could ... incase you meant me I had a tough one but I beat it with success and nervously another on way.

Just a quick point. On other boards there are sometimes separate sections for LTTC and for infertility/medical intervention since there are plenty of people who are LTTC but still TTC naturally and plenty of new TTCers who are in need of medical assistance to achieve pregnancy.
I can see this being a possibility as time goes on and we become more busy in this section :D Most of the girls who are going through assiste conception can often relate to the girlies who are still in the :confused: stage.

Thanks for the suggestion will certainly keep it in mind x

i think having a separate private room esp for sore subjects that you wanna keep between the LTTTC is a brill idea.. i value every opionin but sometimes you just want people that understand your pain to console you.
Tickers should stay because id want people see mine so i dnt have 2 keep repeating myself 2 how many m/cs iv had or how long i have left 2 wait...

I too don't want to get in a slanging match either but in my defense, I do admit i'm hostile, but I am that way for a bloody reason!!!

If every single person was 100% supportive, watched what they said and refrained from inappropriate comments I doubt I would be so cynical towards others.

I would much prefer to be lucky enough to have had a child without this shocking journey and be offended by LTTTC'ers, than to be a LTTTC'er offended by some of the uncalled for remarks, many of which I have received.

I think maybe a private forum could be good, - I didn't write about my fertility appointments cause anyone could read them, I know that sounds a bit dodgy, but I felt a little uncomfortable especially with the stuff that happened when I first joined BnB.

I like the sigs and tickers, but if I'm honest, the tickers with the baby's progression in them, I found them hard to look at not long after I MC'd last year. Obviously they're fantastic when you are pregnant and you get really excited n stuff, - I know I did, but if you're having a down day they're a little stingy. So maybe a reminder that you can opt to turn the sigs off, but not a restriction, - just a reminder in the rules?

I like the idea of only LTTTCers voting though, or at least an option for it, because like someone already said, some issues you have different opinions on depending on your circumstances.

I don't really have a right to comment on here as we have only been TTC for 10 months, but DF has had testicular cancer and associated treatments so we are aware that our journey may be longer. I don't tend to discuss this on the forums as its a private matter for him.
I have to say that I think the LTTTCers are so very supportive to one another and I really do hope I have never offended anyone of I have posted a reply.

However, as someone who is likely to move over her in a short while I do sort of sometimes feel a bit intimidated on this board, I know crass replies must be so irritating/hurtful/frustrating but it kinda feels like them is a bit of 'them and us' - as I hit the 12 month mark am I suddenly demoted from being a 'fertile' and therefore accepted on this board?

I think a private forum could be good - but might it increase the divide?

*toddles off an hides under a rock as is scared she's offended someone. Which really really was not my intention*

I don't really have a right to comment on here as we have only been TTC for 10 months, but DF has had testicular cancer and associated treatments so we are aware that our journey may be longer. I don't tend to discuss this on the forums as its a private matter for him.
I have to say that I think the LTTTCers are so very supportive to one another and I really do hope I have never offended anyone of I have posted a reply.

However, as someone who is likely to move over her in a short while I do sort of sometimes feel a bit intimidated on this board, I know crass replies must be so irritating/hurtful/frustrating but it kinda feels like them is a bit of 'them and us' - as I hit the 12 month mark am I suddenly demoted from being a 'fertile' and therefore accepted on this board?

I think a private forum could be good - but might it increase the divide?

*toddles off an hides under a rock as is scared she's offended someone. Which really really was not my intention*

good point about increasing the divide... I mean I post in both sections but tbh there is a divide, whereas people should feel it's their choice as to if/when they join here not a "you haven't been TTC for 12 month" iykwim - I know it's not intentional but I am ware that some people may feel like that

I'm not sure who you meant when you said I do feel your pain and frustration, maybe not as much, but i do care, and would gladly change it all in a heart beat if i could ... incase you meant me I had a tough one but I beat it with success and nervously another on way.

I meant all women who are TTC, and especially those who have been for many years. I wish i could change the fact that some women have difficulties, because its so unfair...this is what us women are here to do...procreate. And id love us all to get a long because stress really doesnt help.

Wobbles - i dont know your story but i see that you have a gorgeous lil girl, and congrats on ur pregnancy, and i bet ur an inspiration to other LTTCers, and give them hope.

TTC this time round feels no different to when i tried for my first. I still feel that longing, yearning, frustration. It gets no easier, but i am thankful for my son.

I hope the wait isnt too long for you all xxxx

:dust:

I don't really have a right to comment on here as we have only been TTC for 10 months, but DF has had testicular cancer and associated treatments so we are aware that our journey may be longer. I don't tend to discuss this on the forums as its a private matter for him.
I have to say that I think the LTTTCers are so very supportive to one another and I really do hope I have never offended anyone of I have posted a reply.

However, as someone who is likely to move over her in a short while I do sort of sometimes feel a bit intimidated on this board, I know crass replies must be so irritating/hurtful/frustrating but it kinda feels like them is a bit of 'them and us' - as I hit the 12 month mark am I suddenly demoted from being a 'fertile' and therefore accepted on this board?

I think a private forum could be good - but might it increase the divide?

*toddles off an hides under a rock as is scared she's offended someone. Which really really was not my intention*

Good point, and i too feel that divide, and certainly wouldnt feel welcome in 3months time

Maybe it is just me (and maybe I am one of the worst :dohh: ) but I never really realized that the "regular TTC" gals felt so divided. I know that many of us do not post in the regular boards because it is hard to make friends and see them all move on over and over and over and feel left behind. It is easier to talk to people that understand what you are going through so that is what we do.

As far as new people coming in, I do not necessarily think that we have a "12 month TTC and over" rule or anything. I think people just join when they realize that it is time for them and in every post I've seen, we welcomed people with open arms.

If I have offended anyone, I sincerely apologize but I have been TTC since 1999 and my patience can get thin with heartless statements. It is nothing personal, I promise but I will check my posts. :hugs:

*toddles off an hides under a rock as is scared she's offended someone. Which really really was not my intention*

:hugs: :flower:

You will be welcome here anytime, dear!

:flower: thank you :hugs:

I am so pleased to come back on and see such lovely comments, I have been pushing my hoover around wondering whether to come back on and post anything mostly because I just really wanted to say that every one in LTTC has been so wonderful to me and made me feel incredibly welcome.

I must admit though there is a part of me that completely understands the need for a private section for LTTCers whether it is for private/personal appointments or to air feelings openly. For me I think everyone is saying the same thing, it is great to have an open forum where everyone can be supportive and ask questions, make positive posts etc, but there is also a need for the privacy to express your feelings with people who will understand and not judge you for them.

I think what I am trying (in a very long and rambly sort of way sorry :blush:) to say is that those feelings that I am sure many LTTCers get are not always those you would want to share where you will be judged, i.e. when my sister fell pregnant and 'they weren't even trying' I wanted to scream and cry and generally have a paddy :hissy: but I understand that it not socially acceptable (at least not in a restaurant!), however those feelings are very real and painful and it is healthy to be able to share, if not even essential. But also in the same vein I recognise that my feelings and opinions can hurt others without meaning to and its a shame when everyone gets upset. I would certainly want to prevent my sister from knowing the depth of those feelings (mainly because her pregnancy hormones would probably leave her sobbing for a week, or with a knife in her hand!) so perhaps what I am trying to say is it would be great to create a safe private section where those feeling etc can be aired without judgement and without the risk of offense at the same time?

I hope everyone can come to a happy conclusion and thank you to all of you in this forum who have made me so welcome :hugs:

I wholeheartedly support a private 'locked' forum for LTTTC'ers, so private information can be shared and emotions vented. I dont purposely visit the LTTTC forum, but will usually click on the 'unread post' options when I log in and so all posts are up for public perusal by anyone - and therefore all members of b & b have the potential to be offended, and to cause offence themselves.

I don't really have a right to comment on here as we have only been TTC for 10 months, but DF has had testicular cancer and associated treatments so we are aware that our journey may be longer. I don't tend to discuss this on the forums as its a private matter for him.
I have to say that I think the LTTTCers are so very supportive to one another and I really do hope I have never offended anyone of I have posted a reply.

However, as someone who is likely to move over her in a short while I do sort of sometimes feel a bit intimidated on this board, I know crass replies must be so irritating/hurtful/frustrating but it kinda feels like them is a bit of 'them and us' - as I hit the 12 month mark am I suddenly demoted from being a 'fertile' and therefore accepted on this board?

I think a private forum could be good - but might it increase the divide?

*toddles off an hides under a rock as is scared she's offended someone. Which really really was not my intention*

You have every right comment farie *hugs*

Although this is ltttc it isn't soley ...this section is also for assisted conception because not everyone hits 12+ months before knowing they have problems that may effect fertility.

This is where I am stuck basically 'the divide' I really don't wish to do that.

Thank you :flower:
I totally understand what you mean, it's a bit of a rock and a hard place situation ](*,)
May be since there has been a lot of 'chat' about LTTC and why the section is there etc it may have settled things out? It might self balance (argh there is a phrase for that but I cannot remember it! :rofl:)
It does seem a shame to have a section that you have to have 'permission' to join ... yet I do understand why some of the LTTC ladies would like a area they feel is 'their own'


*toddles off after offering everyone cookies*

May be since there has been a lot of 'chat' about LTTC and why the section is there etc...
Really? I had no idea there was 'chat'. Man... I am so out of the loop. LOL :dohh:

Really? I had no idea there was 'chat'. Man... I am so out of the loop. LOL :dohh:

Hehe ... not 'chat' as in chat room - but I know I have wondered out loud about when TTC becomes LT and I know others have mentioned the same - also this whole thread might have aired feeling?

Oh dear ... have I offended people now? :cry:

:argh: out before she put her foot back in her mouth ...

LOL... Farie, I think you are the least offensive person on this board. LOL :hugs:

Did I come off offended? God, I hope not! LOL... more just commenting on being out of the loop. HAHA!

I think in some ways there is always going to be a divide. People who have been trying forever cannot relate to those who get pregnant in their first month and I know that a lot of us rarely bother with the TTC section because it seems to us like we don't know anyone in there.

Since I started fleeting about almost all of the people have moved from TTC to 1st Tri and upwards and it makes me feel very 'left behind' - and that is why I now stick to this board and this board alone.

We're all in the same boat. We all understand each other. We all know what it is to feel jealous of those who get pregnant in that first six months and though we would like to be good people and pretend that we don't the fact is, the majority of us are green with envy.

Its not hostility. it's emotion. It's thick, deep, sickening emotion that we feel because we can't be like that. We can't join in. We can't feel the same way as those who are fertile because we reached a point where we can no longer relate to them.

For some people, the divide was drawn the minute we realised we were not fertile. For others, they are fine to go on as normal. To cross that divide. To venture into the territory of those with no problems. And, that is fine.

But, I know I feel divided by default simply because every time another newbie gets pregnant I feel utterly sick and sorry for all of us who did not.

One thing that upsets me is those who get pregnant, who come into the LTTTC section and post a "good luck" post. I know that I am more touchy than some but, if that person is not known to us, has never been in this section before, has never posted in it, has never suffered infertility then it's like a pregnant stranger walking up to me in the street saying "I'm pregnant. See? I hope soon that you will be as blesssed and as graced and as lucky as I am."

I know they mean well but, it's upsetting. I can't even explain why.

Telling us to relax should be forbidden. We don't WANT to relax. Relaxing doesn't work. We've tried it. Telling us all to chill out is tantamount to treason, in my opinion.

Giving us advice when they got pregnant in the first three months (i.e. "put your legs in the air, use pre-seed etc") just seems patronising because we've tried all of that.

I just don't know how it can be fixed.

To be honest, I'd prefer this section just to be private. I'm being perfectly honest, here, and I know it sounds harsh - but, I just don't feel like I relate to all the pregnant people who come on here to wish luck, to give advice, to flash their tickers around and spread the baby dust.

God I'm a bitch.

But, i AM bitter. And I just like the fact that all of the people on this section know EXACTLY how I feel and will not judge me for said bitterness. I have felt this way since the whole fiasco of last week. I know there were apologies, and I accept those, but it made me realise that those who have no problems simply cannot understand how we feel. And it made me not really want to go onto their forum and ruin their fun, and for them not to be allowed onto this one and make us feel like we are wrong for feeling as shitty as we do.

Does ANY of that make sense?

CurlySue, I am right there with you, Honey! :drunk: I agree with what you said!

I'm not here to "flash my ticker around" or anything.

I just want to say that I've watched my cousin go through LTTTC for 5 long years, and I do think that the idea of the split board is probably the best option. Some people do have legitimate questions that deserve to be answered. The LTTTCers also have issues that they want to keep private and just discuss amongst themselves. Maybe if the main part of the sub-forum was the general question asking/answering part, and up at the top where there is normally stickies..have that locked like the girly sanctuary for the LTTTCers who want to rant and bitch to each other and offer support without sharing it with the whole forum and every guest who waltzes in.

Rae, nice bump! ;) So cute...

Anyway, you should invite your cousin to join us. Moral support is always a good thing.

I think in some ways there is always going to be a divide. People who have been trying forever cannot relate to those who get pregnant in their first month and I know that a lot of us rarely bother with the TTC section because it seems to us like we don't know anyone in there.

Since I started fleeting about almost all of the people have moved from TTC to 1st Tri and upwards and it makes me feel very 'left behind' - and that is why I now stick to this board and this board alone.

We're all in the same boat. We all understand each other. We all know what it is to feel jealous of those who get pregnant in that first six months and though we would like to be good people and pretend that we don't the fact is, the majority of us are green with envy.

Its not hostility. it's emotion. It's thick, deep, sickening emotion that we feel because we can't be like that. We can't join in. We can't feel the same way as those who are fertile because we reached a point where we can no longer relate to them.

For some people, the divide was drawn the minute we realised we were not fertile. For others, they are fine to go on as normal. To cross that divide. To venture into the territory of those with no problems. And, that is fine.

But, I know I feel divided by default simply because every time another newbie gets pregnant I feel utterly sick and sorry for all of us who did not.

One thing that upsets me is those who get pregnant, who come into the LTTTC section and post a "good luck" post. I know that I am more touchy than some but, if that person is not known to us, has never been in this section before, has never posted in it, has never suffered infertility then it's like a pregnant stranger walking up to me in the street saying "I'm pregnant. See? I hope soon that you will be as blesssed and as graced and as lucky as I am."

I know they mean well but, it's upsetting. I can't even explain why.

Telling us to relax should be forbidden. We don't WANT to relax. Relaxing doesn't work. We've tried it. Telling us all to chill out is tantamount to treason, in my opinion.

Giving us advice when they got pregnant in the first three months (i.e. "put your legs in the air, use pre-seed etc") just seems patronising because we've tried all of that.

I just don't know how it can be fixed.

To be honest, I'd prefer this section just to be private. I'm being perfectly honest, here, and I know it sounds harsh - but, I just don't feel like I relate to all the pregnant people who come on here to wish luck, to give advice, to flash their tickers around and spread the baby dust.

God I'm a bitch.

But, i AM bitter . And I just like the fact that all of the people on this section know EXACTLY how I feel and will not judge me for said bitterness. I have felt this way since the whole fiasco of last week. I know there were apologies, and I accept those, but it made me realise that those who have no problems simply cannot understand how we feel. And it made me not really want to go onto their forum and ruin their fun, and for them not to be allowed onto this one and make us feel like we are wrong for feeling as shitty as we do.

Does ANY of that make sense?
Pointing out the bits I high-lighted

Your not a bitch your just being honest & no matter what anyone says you have the right to feel bitter not one single person has the right to tell you that is wrong.

Thanks for your post it made perfect sense and gives me/us more to think about.

x

I'm not here to "flash my ticker around" or anything.



Silly :hugs: I don't think anyone thinks people purposely come to do that but they can be upsetting depending sometimes on topic & the day the poster is having ...if that makes sense?

Most don't know you can actually turn siggys off in replies not as default but when you press reply or quick reply theres an option below the type box 'Show your signature' which you untick and only on that reply will your signature be hidden. ;) If you look your ticker is no longer showing because I edited and unticked box ...just to show you what I mean x

Curly sue - good post, i agree with wobbles that it makes sense.

I couldn't resist saying my 2 cents here :)

I really felt like I had a difficult time fitting in anywhere. It is not that people were rude, I never encountered that EVER. But, where does someone with secondary fertility issues and two kids fit in?

On the TTC board, it was hard to hear about so many becoming pregnant all the time. And I am going on 2 years here with tests, fertility drugs and heartache. I just can't relate.

On the LTTTC board, I feel guilty about asking for advice or talking about my heartache, because I am blessed with two kids. No one has EVER been rude to me, but it is just how I feel...like I don't fit in.

My suggestion is, a board specifically for secondary infertility. I want to have the support for my heartache too! I just was prescribed Clomid, but I feel like I have no where to turn to for advice. Again, no one has made me feel unwelcome, but it is me, and how I feel.

My suggestion is, a board specifically for secondary infertility. I want to have the support for my heartache too! I just was prescribed Clomid, but I feel like I have no where to turn to for advice. Again, no one has made me feel unwelcome, but it is me, and how I feel.

I'd like to second that! I feel exactly the same, as I said on the thread about qualifying for this section. There don't seem to be many of us around with secondary fertility issues and it is hard to fit in anywhere. I love my ttc buddies to bits, don't get me wrong, but it is hard to lose a bunch of them to 1st tri every month and I feel almost guilty posting in ltttc because i have a LO already the frustrations are not the same- but they are still bloody frustrating! xxxx

Maybe we should consider a section for secondry infertility? What do you think? Its more common than people think because once one has had a child they think its easy peasy after.

Hmmmm think on that one too

x

I think a private area sounds like a good idea. There are some LTTC vents that you need to say that are not socially acceptable to the rest of the world.

For instance, Lola and your sister, I totally understand that. My brother and SIL announced their pregnancy to my parents the week after we sat them down and told them we needed IVF. It was absolutely one of the worst days of my life, but I didn't want to be like that and my parents were absolutely wrecked by it. Who can you tell but someone who'd understand on here?

How would you decide who could go in though? What would be the rules?

Do you really need a public area if you have a private one?

I think a secondary IF section would be great for you girls that are going through that :hugs:

I also like the idea of an open Q & A type discussion for LTTTC but also a private area but as Helen said, it would be hard to decide who could and couldn't go in there.

God Wobbles, we must be giving you a big headache!

Yep lol

Basically, I think a person knows if they belong in this section. If they have to knock on the door to get in then it might actually make them feel safer.

Hello everyone. Been reading everyone's replies and it took me a little while to make a suggestion.

I think so far, the best ideas are to have a private LTTTC section, that way we can vent and complain without feeling like we will be offending all the others who easily conceive.

And I think a separate section for secondary infertility is a good idea as well.

I don't think anyone really understands how hard it is TTC for so long, no one can ever understand unless they have been down this road personally. That's why they may post something and not even know they have offended someone. Having our own private forum can stop this from happening.

Hello everyone. Been reading everyone's replies and it took me a little while to make a suggestion.

I think so far, the best ideas are to have a private LTTTC section, that way we can vent and complain without feeling like we will be offending all the others who easily conceive.

And I think a separate section for secondary infertility is a good idea as well.

I don't think anyone really understands how hard it is TTC for so long, no one can ever understand unless they have been down this road personally. That's why they may post something and not even know they have offended someone. Having our own private forum can stop this from happening.

I agree. These seem like the best ideas to me too.

:hug:

Hello everyone... and this is a very nervous hello...

if LTTTC becomes a locked forum, may I request a key?

I have been an invisble lurker since LTTTC was created and an unregistered lurker for the past year however have never really had the guts to post (except in response to curlysue's earlier post) however I feel that I fit right in here (have been ttc since March 2006 with fiance, and 3 years ttc with ex hubby, 5 1/2 yrs in total) and take great solace in this section, even though I don't post. Its comforting to be able to read posts in this section and be able to relate to them so much and also get some great tips and information re fertility treatments, given that I will be going through the same shortly :-(

I have been lucky enough to meet another amazing lady or another site who is going through the same journey so I have a vent buddy, so to speak but have found BNB a wealth of knowledge esp. throughout the past year.

I do not resent pregnant women by any means but as time has gone by and I am getting older (am 32 yrs old) I have become increasingly bitter and have realised that falling pregnant naturally may never ever happen. I am at a depressed stage where I cannot even be around my friend's babies.

Apologies for the long post but as a lurker I may not have much right to post this but think that having a locked forum is an excellent idea and also a secondary fertility section is an excellent idea too !!

I should probably introduce myself properly at some stage (when I get the balls to lol).

I would also like to add that I have been following the journies of many of you women and have nothing but respect and admiration for you, this includes Genkigemini, neyney, maz, krissi, curlysue, magicvw, jasmak, loula and anyone who I have failed to mention.

I wish us ALL the every best of luck.

TTxx

Hi

Just wanted to say that i think that the LTTTC part of BnB is really special - and seems to me to have been rapidly growing over the last few months.
I would hate this part of the forum to start being segregated into different sections if that would reduce the number of people we have to speak to - cos I think if we had a separate forum for secondary infertility, it might follow that those going through assisted for example would want their own one compared to people like me who are still in the investigation stage, and then i suppose it would make sense for girls with PCOS to have a separate bit because they would possibly maybe might feel more comfortable not having to listen to people who have regular cycles (not saying this is the case as dont want to offend anyone and everyone on here is so nice and supportive - but just saying it might happen)

I think that once we start separating off bits of the forum there is a danger that this would start a snowball effect and even more separation - and from a completely selfish point of view - it could reduce the numbers down on each bit so that there wouldnt be so many people to talk to each day. which would be a real as shame - as I for one am on here everyday.


although - whilst i am writing this - i am thinking maybe separation would be better as at least no one would ever get offended cos they could fit in where they most felt comfortable. but i know I for one have never felt that anyone with secondary infertility doesn't belong here - and I have never got the impression that any of the other girls do either.

Oh good grief - I dont know now - this is soooo confusing.

I think its just really sad because this part of the forum has really grown to something that i think is really special and I know I have really appreciated it - and it now could change because of something that happened a few weeks ago when a silly woman from another part of the forum posted something insensitive in one of our threads and really upset us all.....


Bx x x :hugs::hugs:

Hi Beckic! The thing is, if you don't have secondary infertility you can't know whether this or any forum feels welcoming for us! It's not that the ltttc forum is unwelcoming, far from it, it is just that the majority of posts are by those ttc no1 and obviously that is something we don't relate to exactly (although many of us have been there too for obvious reasons!). I don't think having more specialised forums is necessarily divisive. If forums are open, then you can post in whichever one is relevant for whatever post. So, I for example post in ttc, ltttc, & toddlers. Having another one for secondary infertility would just mean a bit more support for us, and not less support for anyone else.
I also don't think it would result in lowering of numbers - if people feel more homegenised as a group, that group is more effective and better at welcoming new members. However, people can still join as many groups as they see fit.

I for one have a lot of questions I want to post in ltttc, but am not particularly interesting in venting my spleen online at this particular moment in my life (who knows what the future will bring tho!) and would welcome a divide along the lines of fact v. emotions.

xxx

Hi Beckic! The thing is, if you don't have secondary infertility you can't know whether this or any forum feels welcoming for us! x

That is very true - sorry :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Bx x x

My suggestion is, a board specifically for secondary infertility. I want to have the support for my heartache too! I just was prescribed Clomid, but I feel like I have no where to turn to for advice. Again, no one has made me feel unwelcome, but it is me, and how I feel.

I'd like to second that! I feel exactly the same, as I said on the thread about qualifying for this section. There don't seem to be many of us around with secondary fertility issues and it is hard to fit in anywhere. I love my ttc buddies to bits, don't get me wrong, but it is hard to lose a bunch of them to 1st tri every month and I feel almost guilty posting in ltttc because i have a LO already the frustrations are not the same- but they are still bloody frustrating! xxxx


Secondary infertility section would be ideal for me too...great idea girls x

and then i suppose it would make sense for girls with PCOS to have a separate bit because they would possibly maybe might feel more comfortable not having to listen to people who have regular cycles (not saying this is the case as dont want to offend anyone and everyone on here is so nice and supportive - but just saying it might happen)
:blush: Okay... I know I bitch bitch bitch about my irregular cycles but I really do not feel the need for a PCOS section. It really is a small section of the board and LTTTC fits most of PCOS ldies just fine.

Just wanted to add my 2 cents...

Also, :hi: Hi, trickytrouble! Don't be shy! Jump right in and post. We do not bite... hard. :rofl: :hugs:

I don't think there should be sub sections for every little thing. TTC with endo and TTC with PCOS are both "trying to conceive with problems" and people who have regular cycles yet do not ovulate regularly or people who have short luteal phases, they are all having problems trying to conceive also.

Separating long term from short term is basically just a comfort thing. It saves people feeling shitty about seeing a million BFPs and wondering why they are not ours. But, everyone who suffers with fertility needs moral support and, we're all in that same boat.

It doesn't matter what our problems are, we are still trying to conceive unsuccessfully, regular cycles or not.

So...yeah. There's no need to go crazy about this. There does not need to be ten billion sub forums when we all fit in the one.

Could we not have a Primary Infertility and a Secondary Infertility section and just leave it at that? That way everyone gets what they need.

We get our privacy and those with secondary fertility do not have to feel guilty about already having kids...

I don't think there should be sub sections for every little thing. TTC with endo and TTC with PCOS are both "trying to conceive with problems" and people who have regular cycles yet do not ovulate regularly or people who have short luteal phases, they are all having problems trying to conceive also.

Separating long term from short term is basically just a comfort thing. It saves people feeling shitty about seeing a million BFPs and wondering why they are not ours. But, everyone who suffers with fertility needs moral support and, we're all in that same boat.

It doesn't matter what our problems are, we are still trying to conceive unsuccessfully, regular cycles or not.

So...yeah. There's no need to go crazy about this. There does not need to be ten billion sub forums when we all fit in the one.

Could we not have a Primary Infertility and a Secondary Infertility section and just leave it at that? That way everyone gets what they need.

We get our privacy and those with secondary fertility do not have to feel guilty about already having kids...

Very well put - I agree with everything you've said hun.

x

I think that the sections should be specific but not to the xtent of one for pcos, endo etc as they are all complications (whether known or not) that relate to LTTTC. I do however think that the secondary infertility section may be welcomed. I also think the ticker business is confusing. I mean if some one wants to wish us well and it happens that they are pg then I don't understand how that is a problem if their ticker is on there!
Likewise if someone from ttc or who is pg says something that we dislike the only other think to do is just ignore it. It is just so hard to bars on public forum especially as people have the freedom of speech ans as we all know things can be misenterpreted(?)

There is freedom of speech and there is blatant insensitivity though, pixie. Telling us we are feeling sorry for ourselves, etc, that is something we should not have to read. We come here as a safe haven because people understand our hurt during this whole unsuccessful journey. When people say the wrong things it just makes it hurt even more. It's hard to ignore.

The ticker thing, I ignore that. What I find really difficult is people who none of us know coming here to wish us luck when they do not know us, when they are already pregnant, etc. It just feels patronising.

It's like someone at school passing their exams and then going to the Special Educational Needs class and saying "good luck, hope you all do as well as me."

Fair enough, people who have been in here, get pregnant and want to wish us well. But what if it's a person we do not know? If nothing else, it's annoying.

Tickers can be upsetting regardless if the member with the ticker wants to upset or not which lets face it I highly doubt however that doesn't mean others can't feel upset and low seeing these. There are forums out there who completely ban the use of GAGA tickers & I see why in some way yet trying to please all purposes of our forum is hard.

Its not about freedom of speech either (this section) its about making those who are on a more sensitive journey feel comfortable - nothing wrong with that! This area is to used with common sense by all.

There will not be a divide in problems either like PCOS, IVF section etc We have also decided not to divide this section by creating a secondary infertility section.

OK Wobbles! :)

Any chance we can have a secondary infertility sticky thread like the 30s/40s club then? Just a little place where we can find each other amongst the ever growing numbers on BnB?

:flower:

I am liking the primary and secondary sections idea. Having tentatively come on this section with primary infertility and not really sure what the problem was, I feel that lots of different sections would have been confusing, devisive and ultimately not as helpful as it has been for me. However, I acknowledge that I am not as far down the line as those with secondary infertility so can see the need to separate.

Does that make sense or am I waffling?!

Just having this forum be somewhat private would be enough, I think. How we are affected is not important, it's the fact that we are affected at all.

OK Wobbles! :)

Any chance we can have a secondary infertility sticky thread like the 30s/40s club then? Just a little place where we can find each other amongst the ever growing numbers on BnB?

:flower:
Sorry hun that sounded very blunt in my last reply I didn't mean it to be at all, not for a second just things have been wizzing round pros cons etc & I don't want to divide you girls I do however want to make it in the guidelines that this section is here for secondary infertility just as much as any other journey - I can't imagine its any less painful. We don't want to put you in yoru own corner so to speak ...I was up for it but OH made some good points (don't tell him I said though lol)!

A sticky sounds like a plan though - yer think we will when we finalise what we're doing :D

Just having this forum be somewhat private would be enough, I think. How we are affected is not important, it's the fact that we are affected at all.
That sums up out thinking right not in a better way than I could have worded it!

I don't think divide is good for that reason above x

just a little suggestion... if there's going to be a locked LTTTC section, maybe there should be a mini-mod, and they could ask people who post in the general unlocked LTTTC section and TTC if they want access and they could relay the message to admin? (as well as obviously having an "ask admin for access message" like girly room

That way, no one is going to be left out after posting in LTTTC and there won't be a huge divide

like I said though, only a suggestion, cause hopefully that would discourage the divide?

hmm, maybe I was not understood. I didn't mean that I agree with people who come on here saying whatever they choose but really just to state that it's very difficult to stop!
Soz, if I offended you!!

It almost sounds like we are all now turning on each other! My opinion, for what it is worth, sometimes, you do need to take out all the emotion on these sites and have a fact only section. A section where anybody can reply to your question whether by knowledge or by experience. My 4 year TTC journey is just as difficult as my best friends 3 month TTC journey - she is just getting over cancer, 1 year in remission, wondering if she will ever be a mum now because of her treatment but she would not qualify for LTTTC section? Some sites remove tickers but people post huge pictures of their babies (and rightly so) but those babies faces upset me more than a ticker! Some days I can deal with whatever people say, other days in the depths of my IVF treatment putting me in menapause, I cannot.

My point here is generally, I like to believe the best in people. I really do not think that anybody, whether TTC 3 months, 3 years, 5 years, TTC #2 or got pregnant yesterday with twins is on here to upset me...intentionally.

I pretty much started this whole debarcle and now i'm just feeling like i'm better off leaving the board and sticking to my IVF forums where I know that everyone understands me and doesn't think i'm a bitch because of how I feel.

When I said LTTTC = 12months + trying...well, it is! That is what the Drs say and i'm sure this won't go down well, but trying for that amount of time (and then some) is very different to trying for only a few months.

I feel very misunderstood and I don't expect people who haven't been where i've been to understand, so perhaps its better for me to stick with those who do.

I hope whatever happens with this section that it works out for you all.

This is a section for LTTTCers AND assisted conception which can happen before the 12 month mark if there are already known problems.
Both are very welcome in this section.

FJL you would be missed if you were to leave, your input is invaluable to alot of people here :hugs:

FJL - I personally don't think you should leave BnB if you are happy here. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and each one is as important as the next.

You have been a great source of help to others in regards to what you have been though and helping others understand what may happen to them in the future.

Sending you loads of hugs and all the best with your journey and hopefully in the near future it will bring you a bundle of happiness xxxx

This may sound dumb but where is all the perceived negativity? Am I missing something that goes on in PMs or the chatroom because here on this thread it only looks like a place where people politely put their views across, IMO.

LTTTC is long term TTC I see what your saying & have said FJL what was saying & what others appeared to misunderstand is this section is for LTTTC and assisted conception other known problems ...

Don't be silly about leaving yur much welcome & you made good points even if they are personal to you *hugs* of course its hard to us how we work this and have decided on a few small guidelines clearly visable within this section above the posts - I personally don't think we/you shoudl 'hide' yoru feelings this is a section mainly used by those who are going through this journey and you rant and blow off steam as and when just like they do in other sections.

Tickers will remain but we will ask that people try to remember turning off their signatures on replies if they have a gaga progress ticker - the bigger % of discomfort about these appears to come from these tickers & some common sense guidelines on 'advice' given in this section ...like the relax comments.

x

I pretty much started this whole debarcle and now i'm just feeling like i'm better off leaving the board and sticking to my IVF forums where I know that everyone understands me and doesn't think i'm a bitch because of how I feel.

When I said LTTTC = 12months + trying...well, it is! That is what the Drs say and i'm sure this won't go down well, but trying for that amount of time (and then some) is very different to trying for only a few months.

I feel very misunderstood and I don't expect people who haven't been where i've been to understand, so perhaps its better for me to stick with those who do.

I hope whatever happens with this section that it works out for you all.

sweetie, don't go. This section is for LTTTCers and people with known problems, and you're right LTTTC is 12 months plus....and I agree, trying for 3 month is very different to trying for 18 or something and it does piss me off (to be blunt) when someone trying for 6 month put's up "FINALLY - BFP" and I personally think "wtf? finally? - itr's only been 6 months luv, not years!" and maybe I'm a bitch for that, but tbh I don't care!

:blush: I am afraid to post in here now...

FJL - You should not leave!

Mynxie - I totally... TOTALLY hear you on the "Finally BFP" thing.

Wobbles and AG - Thanks for putting up with us crazy hormonal chicks. We love this site and this section of the board is important to us. That is why we are all so opinionated. We appreciate everything you guys do for us! :hugs: Whatever you decided to do with the LTTTC section, it is fine by me.

I agree - FJL don't go, you were really great when you posted some very positive things for me when i had my little wobble a few weeks back! :hug:

i guess the thing with the whole 'finally - bfp' after 6 months ttc is....... TTC is stressful no matter how long it takes and i guess most people think that sex without contraception equals babies... at least i'm sure that's what they said at school :happydance: I guess when people have friends that fall right away and it takes them 6, 9 or even 12 months - it does feel like finally, you know?

At 6 months i felt like it had been forever and now, well now i'd slap myself round the face if i had to go through that again! I guess we just live and learn :hug:

Besides FJL... you are my IVF guru i need you to stay!!!:hug:

We'll just be dragging her back ...hey by the hair if needs be!

:muaha:

Anywayyyyyy girls we're going to come up with some guidelines (not even sure that the right word) for this section - they will not be hidden in a thread they will be viewable to everyone the second they enter this section (no excuse for ignorance then).

I don't wish to cut you girls off as much as I understand a lot of what has been said I feel that only seperates you and I really don't think I should do that it feels unfair that you feel you can not vioce your feelings ...You have the right to use this section, vent and let off steam as you wish & I for one believe this part of the forum should be used with more sensitivity than any other section & that shall now be kept a closer eye on.

I hope you understand what I have said/my decision. Go mildly rather than full steam ahead and see how we get on but as I say girlies rant and blow off steam as you please your entitled to this.

x

i guess the thing with the whole 'finally - bfp' after 6 months ttc is....... TTC is stressful no matter how long it takes and i guess most people think that sex without contraception equals babies... at least i'm sure that's what they said at school :happydance: I guess when people have friends that fall right away and it takes them 6, 9 or even 12 months - it does feel like finally, you know?

At 6 months i felt like it had been forever and now, well now i'd slap myself round the face if i had to go through that again! I guess we just live and learn :hug:



I agree. I long long time ago I posted a thread in ttc asking how long is long... and the answers were really varied. Personally I didn't feel that passing the 12 month mark was particularly significant, whereas some people replied to my thread saying that 3 months was really hard for them. OK it's personal, and for us LTTTCers it is true to say that those who are feeling crap after 3 months shouldn't be feeling crap so early, but is that actually going to stop them feeling crap? I doubt it. Well so much for the emotional side.

I have now been ttc no.2 for something like 17 months now (I don't count the months obsessively and I'm not going to stop mid-post to work it out). I still don't feel the frustration and anger of some of the other ladies in this forum, and as I am ttc no.2, I don't think I ever will. I don't feel very comfortable in this forum, because I DO feel guilty being here with secondary infertility. I don't believe I can really understand the emotions of those going though ivf and similar, and I don't believe they can know what it feels like to think that you're only allowed one and no matter how hard you try you are not going to have another.

I think another added aspect of us 2nd infertility girls is how far we will go on the ttc journey. I won't have IVF - I know I won't, even if it turns out that that is the only option. And I won't adopt. I'm not sure what my limits are, but they are absolutely not the same as they would have been had I still been ttc no.1.

SO I guess what I'm saying is that the forum needs to be divided to a certain extent, because at the moment it is like throwing the lambs in with the lions. This is such an emotive issue and forgive me Wobbles for stirring again :blush: I am being selfish on the one hand - because I want there to be a warm, safe place for others like me to feel comfortable posting, and on the other hand I think the primary ltttcers need a place to vent which is not populated by people like me, who might want to mention their kids, previous pregnancies and symptoms and so forth in posts.

OK off the soap box! Slap me Wobbles if I deserve it! xxx

Good points again regarding secondary infertility ...its hard to see whats best here and how much it will be used. Many with secondary feel the same as those who are trying for #1 with problems or assisted conception ...my understanding was the want of your own family first or extended is both as equally important meaning ifyou face problems its just as heart breaking! Does that make sense how I am thinking.

We have spoke about this but maybe a poll would help to see if we reconsider this again as a sub-forum.

It is hard to come to whats best so please don't think we ignore your opinions or suggestions we take all on board, jiggleem about and see what may work.

x