NOT telling?

OK, so many women/couples choose to wait until 12 weeks or so before making their news public. The main motivation for this being getting through the riskiest stage of the pregnancy.

I see a lot of women who chose not to keep it a secret saying that they would want the support if anything were to go wrong.

BUT, for me, it's more about protecting people (and myself) from getting too excited about the idea too soon and were anything to go wrong I would have told quite a few good friends and colleagues etc. what had happened.

It's not about keeping a MC secret, should it happen, but about delaying the circus that comes when people know and get excited.

Two very good friends of mine and hubby didn't tell people they were trying or that they had gotten pregnant, but when she MCed her husband told us the sad news. Then they got pregnant again and told everyone after the 12 weeks were up and now they have a healthy baby boy.

I had in my head that I would follow their example, should it come to it.

Or is it just me?

I've told some people, mostly cos I can't keep a secret! But only family and close friends. I'll wait till 12 weeks to tell everyone else. Partially because, if anything goes wrong, I won't want to have to go around updating everyone, but also like you say - to protect people from getting too excited too soon.

I would imagine, if I had a miscarriage, I'd end up telling a lot of people who don't currently know I'm pregnant so I can't claim that's my reason for not telling.

I think it's also because I feel a lot of responsibility at the moment. So many people are depending on me to give them a healthy child, grandchild, niece/nephew, etc and I feel a lot of pressure. It's not anything that anyone's said or done - it's just me. But the more people that know, the more the pressure so, while it's still in the most dangerous time, I'd rather not tell too many people.

Does that make any sense at all???

i kept it quiet for the first 3 months because of most the reasons you are saying. also gives you time to get used to the news! dont feel silly for thinking this way.

We will be keeping it quiet, I have 2 friends I have told but I don't want to see the heartbreak on my kids faces again or the stupid comments from people who don't know what they are talking about!!

So it is personal choice when you tell, we are waiting for the 12 weeks scan!

Iam allso rubbish at keeping secerets lol .
Allso once i had the early scan at 8 weeks i felt brave enough to tell people .
Plus with 2 other kids i needed My mum to babysit while we go for appointments scans etc so wanted to let her know .
I think every one knows now lol , But i didnt with either of my other 2 untill i had first scan at 12 weeks. xx .

I've told some people, mostly cos I can't keep a secret! But only family and close friends. I'll wait till 12 weeks to tell everyone else. Partially because, if anything goes wrong, I won't want to have to go around updating everyone,

Exactly. I wouldn't want to have to tell lots of people that I was no longer pregnant. I just seemed to pick up from some people on here that they thought they would only get support in the case of a MC if everyone knew they were pregnant and I don't feel like that has to be the case. Holding on to your news a while longer doesn't mean not being able to tell people about a MC.

I think it's also because I feel a lot of responsibility at the moment. So many people are depending on me to give them a healthy child, grandchild, niece/nephew, etc and I feel a lot of pressure. It's not anything that anyone's said or done - it's just me. But the more people that know, the more the pressure so, while it's still in the most dangerous time, I'd rather not tell too many people.

Does that make any sense at all???

Aww hun, it's understandable but I'm sure your family wouldn't want you to feel that way :hugs:

I am doing the same we are waiting till 12 weeks or at least are going to try to. We have told our parents and my best friend but that is it. We have the added bit of news that we are having twins so I know everyone will be excited and having gone through having a mc and having to deal with our own grief it was just too hard to deal with the people we had told. So obviously the first 12 weeks is the riskiest for wtins too so we really dont wan t to break the news until we have to

That said we have no idea how big or how quickly my growth will be so we may not have any choice!! I think we will stay out of peoples way to begin with if I do get fat but I think we will have to play it by tummy size!!

We have our seven week scan tomorrow and then a ten week scan in a couple of weeks so if that goes ok I think we will feel more comfortable telling 1 or 2 but I think we will try to keep it mum to start with !!

Its just dragging though and I am dying to tell people!!! thats why I am so grateful to come on here and chat - hubby thinks I am nuts!!
x

I'm the same, I haven't told THAT many people but coming on here is like my "fix" at the moment, cos you all know!!!!:rofl:

I had an early scan this morning, doctor's said everything seems right, so we decided to tell our parents, brother and sister and nobody else till 12w. I can't keep it to myself though..I find it hard...I want to know my mother's reaction since it will be the first granchild for both our parents!!

I think it's also because I feel a lot of responsibility at the moment. So many people are depending on me to give them a healthy child, grandchild, niece/nephew, etc and I feel a lot of pressure. It's not anything that anyone's said or done - it's just me. But the more people that know, the more the pressure so, while it's still in the most dangerous time, I'd rather not tell too many people.

Does that make any sense at all???

Aww hun, it's understandable but I'm sure your family wouldn't want you to feel that way :hugs:

Oh, I know they would hate to know I feel that way and like I said, it's nothing anyone's said or done that makes me feel like this. Especially DH: I told him I was terrified of "letting him down" and he insisted that he would never feel like that. Logically, of course I know that, but I still feel the pressure. I'm just paranoid!

I had an early scan this morning, doctor's said everything seems right, so we decided to tell our parents, brother and sister and nobody else till 12w. I can't keep it to myself though..I find it hard...I want to know my mother's reaction since it will be the first granchild for both our parents!!

It's the first grandchild for both our parents too. We always said we never wanted children so it was quite a shock for my dad (my mother kinda figured we'd changed our minds). MIL is a twin and her sister has several grandchildren - the eldest being 15 - so I think she was feeling left behind. She's really delighted too. It's fantastic to tell them, even if I didn't get to do it in person. There was no way I could wait till 12 weeks to tell them! :D

as you can prob see from my previous posts we are trying to keep it a secret apart from telling parents as soon as doc confirmed it. however i think ppl have started to guess, so we are comtemplating an early scan so at least we have an indication everything is ok incase we need to tell ppl before 12 week scan.
x

We are 10+3 and have not told a soul, bar you lot.

It is sooooooooo difficult-ESPECIALLY since I am now into Maternity clothes. . . but I want to be able to keep 'our' special secret for a while longer. I told people last time at 8 weeks and sadly it ended in MC at 13 weeks :cry: it was devestating having people texting me weeks later asking how we were and I got extremely upset having to relive it over and over again. :cry:

This is our special secret for now. . . seeing our babies heartbeat on the screen at 8 weeks was a beautiful, magical moment and Im happy keeping it that way for now. As time goes on, it gets easier to keep schtum. Good Luck :hugs: x x

we are waiting til after my scan to tell everyone. A few close friends know so we have someone to talk to about it but our main reason for not telling is to enjoy this pregnancy before the enivitable negativity starts about how i will cope with a toddler and a baby.

I am a big mouth and too excited. I don't like to live like something bad will happen to my baby any day. It is better to be positive so the only way I can is get myself and everyone excited around me. But that is just me :D I tell the world!

I am glad to see that some ladies aren't telling at the get-go! While I am not a negative person, I am cautious. Like one other person who responded, I couldn't bear my mother's grief and my own as she has wanted grandkids for so long. My waiting is just to give my husband and I some time to share this secret alone, get used to the idea, and then share the news when we are ready! I am at the 11 week mark and we expect to share the news this weekend with our closest friends and family.

We told our mums and my grandad as soon as we found out, then I told my boss for safety reasons at work. We then kept quiet until my 12 week scan yesterday - which turned out that I'm around 13 1/2 weeks - so it didn't seem as bad when we broke the news yesterday evening.

I'm glad I waited though

:hug:

I am not telling anyone either until 12 weeks (if I do not have to) including family. I am concerned about an up coming meeting where I will be with co-workers for 3 days and if I get symptoms mainly ms I may not be able to. I hope I do not get ms because I really want to just tell work after 12 weeks.

That is another thing...what do you say to your bosses? Do you tell them in person? over the phone? email? I do not work in the office with them. I work in a territory and really do not see them in person often. If anyone has any advice pm me please :D

I work with mine on nearly a daily basis codex so i told mine to her face, I also wrote a letter to the HR Dept informing them with preliminary dates.
xxx

Having discovered during my early scan that I'd had an mmc two weeks before and having to then text all my friends that knew I was having it, to tell them, before they started asking how the scan went, was hell. Telling my Dad and my Granny was worst of all.

We will be keeping it quiet, I have 2 friends I have told but I don't want to see the heartbreak on my kids faces again or the stupid comments from people who don't know what they are talking about!!

QUOTE]

I totally agree. I was ocassionally surprised at the presumption of people, who I'd had to tell rather than wanted to, about what was okay to say to me.

Therefore, I currently haven't told anyone apart from DH and my doctor from the ERCP although it is hard. After the early scan at 7.5 weeks if everything's okay (I'm going to be so scared going into that!) then we'll tell our families and the rest of the world at 12 weeks if that scan has gone well.

[QUOTE=Yvonne1;716129]

Its just dragging though and I am dying to tell people!!! thats why I am so grateful to come on here and chat - hubby thinks I am nuts!!
x

My hubby too! I don't think he understands why he isn't enough of a person to chat to. I've tried to explain but I just don't think it's a "man" thing!

Em x

Oh, no, men don't talk! DH has come to terms with how I like to discuss and plan everything, even when there's nothing original to say, and he sits there with this patient smile on his face. But he likes me to have girls to talk to too, so that he doesn't have to endure it all! :)

It's starting to drive me crazy not telling people in work. I can't wait till 12 weeks, just so I can kill one of my co-workers!! He knows I've not been drinking since May and won't let it go - when we go out he nags me to drink; he quizzes me (both when we're out and in the office) about why I'm not drinking and how long before I drink again; and he keeps insinuating that it's because I'm pregnant, forcing me to deny it. He's a totally devoted father so I think he'll understand how awkward he made things when I tell him but for the next 6 weeks, I have to just put up with him constantly putting me on the spot! I guess he assumes it's not true (I'm the first woman in my department to get pregnant - ever!) so thinks it's funny to imply it. Grrrr ;)

That's really rubbish of him. My aunt and uncle were particularly bad about teasing me when I was last pg but hadn't told them. I know they found out when I'd had the mc and the next time they saw me I could tell it was really hard for them knowing how to treat me. People should be so careful about this subject as it can cause a lot of embarrassment, awkwardness and sometimes pain but they just don't get it. I'm particularly surprised in their case as I know my Aunt had a couple of miscarriages when trying for her kids.

I have an offsite meeting with the whole company in just over 2 weeks time so I'll have had my early scan by then. I'm still not planning to tell anyone (if it's all okay) but as it's usually a big drinking event I'm going to have a seriously good excuse up my sleeve - any ideas anyone!?!

I wil be waiting for my 12 week scan too, as before my 2nd m/c we told everyone, my kids too and it was heart breaking to have to tell them all what happened:cry:

I definately dont want to go through all that again.

I have told 2 close friends but that will be it until I see my bubs at my 12 week scan happy & healthy in there!

I have an offsite meeting with the whole company in just over 2 weeks time so I'll have had my early scan by then. I'm still not planning to tell anyone (if it's all okay) but as it's usually a big drinking event I'm going to have a seriously good excuse up my sleeve - any ideas anyone!?!

I usually go with antibiotics as my excuse, but that only works as a one-off kind of excuse. You can't tell the same people every weekend that you're not drinking cos you're on antibiotics or they'll start to get worried!!! :D But if your co-workers don't know you're not drinking the rest of the time, you should get away with it.

Also, most people have the discretion not to ask follow-up questions to something like that unless you volunteer more info so it doesn't require a complex web of lies. And for those people who do ask why you're on antibiotics (cos there's always one, isn't there?) I usually just say something dismissive like "oh, it's no big deal. I'm sure it'll be fine" and even the thickest ones realise that you just don't want to tell them any details!

Good luck

I have an offsite meeting with the whole company in just over 2 weeks time so I'll have had my early scan by then. I'm still not planning to tell anyone (if it's all okay) but as it's usually a big drinking event I'm going to have a seriously good excuse up my sleeve - any ideas anyone!?!

I usually go with antibiotics as my excuse, but that only works as a one-off kind of excuse. You can't tell the same people every weekend that you're not drinking cos you're on antibiotics or they'll start to get worried!!! :D But if your co-workers don't know you're not drinking the rest of the time, you should get away with it.

Also, most people have the discretion not to ask follow-up questions to something like that unless you volunteer more info so it doesn't require a complex web of lies. And for those people who do ask why you're on antibiotics (cos there's always one, isn't there?) I usually just say something dismissive like "oh, it's no big deal. I'm sure it'll be fine" and even the thickest ones realise that you just don't want to tell them any details!

Good luck

I always use the "I'm trying to lose weight" one...works most of the time!

I am not telling anyone either until 12 weeks (if I do not have to) including family. I am concerned about an up coming meeting where I will be with co-workers for 3 days and if I get symptoms mainly ms I may not be able to. I hope I do not get ms because I really want to just tell work after 12 weeks.

That is another thing...what do you say to your bosses? Do you tell them in person? over the phone? email? I do not work in the office with them. I work in a territory and really do not see them in person often. If anyone has any advice pm me please :D

I am so glad you asked! I am in the same situation and have NO IDEA what the protocol is! Help! :)

Oh, no, men don't talk! DH has come to terms with how I like to discuss and plan everything, even when there's nothing original to say, and he sits there with this patient smile on his face. But he likes me to have girls to talk to too, so that he doesn't have to endure it all! :)

It's starting to drive me crazy not telling people in work. I can't wait till 12 weeks, just so I can kill one of my co-workers!! He knows I've not been drinking since May and won't let it go - when we go out he nags me to drink; he quizzes me (both when we're out and in the office) about why I'm not drinking and how long before I drink again; and he keeps insinuating that it's because I'm pregnant, forcing me to deny it. He's a totally devoted father so I think he'll understand how awkward he made things when I tell him but for the next 6 weeks, I have to just put up with him constantly putting me on the spot! I guess he assumes it's not true (I'm the first woman in my department to get pregnant - ever!) so thinks it's funny to imply it. Grrrr ;)

Ha! I love what you said about "even when there's nothing original to say" - that's me, through and through. Have you read the 5 love languages book? Mine is definitely "words"... :)

And how rude of that man!! I would be tempted to say something like "Why are you so preoccupied with what I drink?" or something to turn it around on him to make him a little uncomfortable so he would leave you alone!

And how rude of that man!! I would be tempted to say something like "Why are you so preoccupied with what I drink?" or something to turn it around on him to make him a little uncomfortable so he would leave you alone!

Oh, I know he doesn't mean anything by it. He's a really nice guy and thinks it's all a bit of fun. He'll be one of the most excited for me of all the people in the office once I tell. He'd be mortified if he knew he was making things awkward for me!

Heehee I've used the weight-loss one a few times too. As a long-term/regular answer, it's great but as a one-off I prefer antibiotics cos there tend to be less follow-up questions. I'll be going out with some friends that I meet about once every few months next week but luckily one of them knows and she isn't drinking either (for weight loss reasons!!!) so she'll help me cover :)

the wait to tell people is hard though only a month left!!

i guess im one of the few odd ones out, i told lots of people as soon as we had it confirmed by blood test, but ive been waiting almost 3 years to be able to do this so im just very excited.

OK, so many women/couples choose to wait until 12 weeks or so before making their news public. The main motivation for this being getting through the riskiest stage of the pregnancy.

I see a lot of women who chose not to keep it a secret saying that they would want the support if anything were to go wrong.

BUT, for me, it's more about protecting people (and myself) from getting too excited about the idea too soon and were anything to go wrong I would have told quite a few good friends and colleagues etc. what had happened.

It's not about keeping a MC secret, should it happen, but about delaying the circus that comes when people know and get excited.

Two very good friends of mine and hubby didn't tell people they were trying or that they had gotten pregnant, but when she MCed her husband told us the sad news. Then they got pregnant again and told everyone after the 12 weeks were up and now they have a healthy baby boy.

I had in my head that I would follow their example, should it come to it.

Or is it just me?

I completely agree. We waited until 12 weeks and only told my closest friend about the pregnancy before hand. I didn't want everyone around me to get really excited and then upset if something went wrong. I think it is hard enough dealing with your own feelings when a MC happens without having to worry about anyone elses'. Thankfully all has went well for me now and the circus is in full flow:happydance:

I have an offsite meeting with the whole company in just over 2 weeks time so I'll have had my early scan by then. I'm still not planning to tell anyone (if it's all okay) but as it's usually a big drinking event I'm going to have a seriously good excuse up my sleeve - any ideas anyone!?!


I am in the exact same boat as you. I have a meeting in a few weeks and I ALWAYS drink with everyone and now all of a sudden I won't be. I will be about 9 weeks then. Should I just tell them? Or can someone give us both a great excuse lol

BUT, for me, it's more about protecting people (and myself) from getting too excited about the idea too soon and were anything to go wrong I would have told quite a few good friends and colleagues etc. what had happened.

It's not about keeping a MC secret, should it happen, but about delaying the circus that comes when people know and get excited.

EXACTLY!!
First time we told parents and siblings but all went wrong:cry:
This time i dont want anyone to know because i know theyll either worry when they cant do anything, or theyll get excited and i dont want to be the one to let them down again. :blush:

Im not sure what im gonna do now though. Ive got to tell my boss as ive been signed off for a week and i dont want my boss to know and my parents not to. Just feels wrong. What to do??

EXACTLY!!
First time we told parents and siblings but all went wrong:cry:
This time i dont want anyone to know because i know theyll either worry when they cant do anything, or theyll get excited and i dont want to be the one to let them down again. :blush:

Im not sure what im gonna do now though. Ive got to tell my boss as ive been signed off for a week and i dont want my boss to know and my parents not to. Just feels wrong. What to do??

That's a tricky one. What does your sick note say? If it's not explicit that you're off for pregnancy related issues then I would keep it as vague as possible for now. Otherwise perhaps tell your parents first and tell them your concerns. Ask them not to spread the news until you are ready. Then tell your boss.

We told our parents at about 8 weeks, delayed more out of nerves over how they would react than anything else. Which was silly, they were all really happy for us! But aside from immediate family we have only told a very small number of close friends so far.

That all changes this weekend though :happydance:

i guess everyone is different....

when i was pregnant, we told only close family at 6 weeks.....i had a miscarriage at 10 weeks though.....

when i get pregnant again......we won't be telling anyone.....telling people about a loss when they were so excited was so traumatic for both of us...

i'm sure that everything will be fine for you though....i wish you a happy and helathy 9 months......:hugs:

This time around I've only told my fiancee, son, Mom, Nanny, my cousin and my five closest friends... I've no idea who any of them have told! Well, my son has been telling various people on the street, but other than that... :dohh: We haven't made any grand announcements, simply because I am uber paranoid, and I don't want to jinx it!

Jonah knows for two reasons... one, he heard us talking about it, and two, he is Autistic, and it will take him a long time to come to terms with another person in the house. He is very interested in the new baby, and asks a lot of questions which is of the good. Hopefully he will be entirely at peace with the concept by March... when it all is thrown into turmoil! I know there are risks in early pregnancy especially, but with his 'disability', I really need to think of Jonah as well as my own fears and paranoias. He needs to feel involved, and so far is quite keen on being a big brother, so long as it doesn't mean he actually has to do anything remotely like work himself. :roll:

When I got my bfp i was bout 6 weeks on kaz (arcanegirl) was with me at the clinic and to this day im glad u were there. xx

and also glad u were first to know.

We have told our parents and our two best friends. We would tell all of them regardless and I really needed a girly mate to talk to. She has 2 little girls and is the only one of my close friends who has been through it. We won't be telling anyone else until 3 months and have sworn the parents and 2 friends to secrecy - although I think some of our friends will figure it out.

DH and I have worked out a strategy for when we are out - I will ask him to get me a "vodka" and tonic (i.e. just tonic) and then we will drink out of sync with any rounds. Hopefully no one will even notice. My best mate suggested that I tell people I am "detoxing" and my other ploy is to beg off by pleading a "big night" the night before and a residual sore head. Any other successful strategies?

We have decided to kep it quite still the 12 wk scan. We have only told close family at the minute. The reason for this is I had a miscarriage last May and we tld everyone I was pregnant and I thinks it is just to protect people this time around as everyone was so upset which is understandable. Only got two weeks to wait till scan now. I think I will only ne 10 wks at the scan but going by LMP I will be 12 wks. xx

I was planning on keeping it quiet until i was 12 weeks but excitement got the better of me and everyone knew by week 8!

No way could I have kept it a secret. I used to go to the pub all the time with my friends- maybe I could have gotten away with drinking coke one night, but not more than that! :rofl:

Plus, everyone knew Paul and I had been trying to conceive for years...

Plus, I had been on a detox for weeks and was mouthing off about how rip roaring drunk I was going to get at the end of the detox! Doh!