How is everyone keeping up with baby and OH?

I was just wondering is it just me or does some of you actually feel the same way i feel.

Since i had jayden everything has changed around me, which is common and obvious anyway! I love him to bits but its just i can`t cope anymore, sometimes he cries and i dunno what to do to stop him, i feel like im not a good mother.

These days i hardly have sleep, i sleep for just 2 or 3 hours a night, daytime i hardly can sleep. Its so boring and tiring, i can`t go out as before anymore, even if i want to to go out i need to think of getting jayden ready and pram and his clothes and food, which takes ages and just leave me thinking i`m better off staying at home as the time has gone by and i would have few hours in shopping centre.

I`m thinking of joining some groups for mummy and baby, but im still waiting confirmation from Health Visitor. It probably would be fun and would help me not to feel bored and useless at home.

Also OH, he works every time i hardly get to spend time with him anymore and the time he is there and he wants some romantic time with me, im so knackered and grumpy. And he is not like before all nice and lovely towards me. Sometimes i just regret getting married to him or regret being in thsi situation but then again i love my small family so much. I would do anything for both of them, but i don`t get treated the way i should be with my partner. I feel rejected and ugly (since giving birth), when i see OH looking at other girls, i feel like im not pretty anymore thats why he doesn`t praise me or look at me anymore.
We are all living in like a box room in his parents house, and needless to say how it is to stay at MILs house, i get so hot tempered when they say i should do this do that.
Me and OH are from totally different culture and tradition and since getting married to him i have changed everything from starting to be christian etc. But their religion is far much complicated and they do some kinda things which i don`t agree at.
Like the way they shake my baby and massage him is so weird and i feel sorry to see my baby cry and i can`t actually do or say anything as im living in their house. Financially its hard for us to buy a house and we are actually waiting for council to get back to us which is taking a lot of time. Thus we are stuck in MIL house and i have to bear with all these everyday.
I hardly spend time with my own kid as i have to make sure when my Father in law is home i have to give him the baby, because he complained before that im always stuck in my room with my baby.
The naming ceremony as well had to be according to their wish, and so is the birth certificate, it should have the name they want it to be. So therefore my poor baby had 5 names altogether in the birth certificate.
I chose to call him jayden but they want his name to be different and they always call him that name which annoys me a lot as i don`t want my baby to be confused.

The whole thing about living in MILs house is complicated and very long, but its just taking all my energy out and i can`t actually call my parents back home who are miles away and discuss my problems as i hve chosen to keep my baby and marry my husband so i don`t want them to blame me, which they could do or maybe not.

Sorry for the big long rant! i just feel a bit better putting it down on BNB... This website is just fantastic...

didnt want to read and run!
I feel bad for you it sounds like things are really difficult for you at the moment. I do understand what you say about everything around you changing tho, i feel the same. OH working all the time, if you do go out it just takes so long to organise everything and when you get out its time to feed LO!!!!!!!!! Im sure things will get easier.
have you spoken to your OH about how you feel?x

oh hun it sounds like ur in a right pikle

i really couldnt be doing with almost all of what u jus said hes your baby....fair enough the grand parents play a role but u should be doing things how u want not how they want.
it sounds hard as they have a certain way of doing things but i think if u dont speak up sooner rather then later then one day its all going to be to much for u.
sorry i cant give any more advice good luck x x x x

didnt want to read and run!
I feel bad for you it sounds like things are really difficult for you at the moment. I do understand what you say about everything around you changing tho, i feel the same. OH working all the time, if you do go out it just takes so long to organise everything and when you get out its time to feed LO!!!!!!!!! Im sure things will get easier.
have you spoken to your OH about how you feel?x

I did speak with him about it, but obviously he needs to work and the days he is off he got to do stuff like banking and this that, time just flies.
And i don`t want to put pressure on him as i know deep inside he feels he wants the better for us and therefore thats why he works hard etc. Because man they don`t show their feeling probably they just cold.

Hope all goes well for me soonn...

Like the way they shake my baby and massage him is so weird and i feel sorry to see my baby cry and i can`t actually do or say anything as im living in their house.
I hardly spend time with my own kid as i have to make sure when my Father in law is home i have to give him the baby, because he complained before that im always stuck in my room with my baby. ...

sod the fact its their house - this is your baby!! If something happens you dont like then you say so!!!!!!! Never forget you're his mummy and you need to do what is best for him. Ignore other people's feelings. Thats what I say. He needs mummy not grandad.
You'll never get this newborn stage again with him so make the most of it
And so what if father in law complains you're in your room - if you were in your own house he'd not get to see baby. I say take as much time on your own as you like!!!!
Keep his changing bag ready stocked at all times and then it's not so difficult to go out - at least for a walk or something - you need to get out and have your own space with baby. You can just grab his bag, a bottle and go.

.

And get your OH to explain to his parents that although you're in their house and are very garteful, that they need to step back!!:hug:

oh hun it sounds like ur in a right pikle

i really couldnt be doing with almost all of what u jus said hes your baby....fair enough the grand parents play a role but u should be doing things how u want not how they want.
it sounds hard as they have a certain way of doing things but i think if u dont speak up sooner rather then later then one day its all going to be to much for u.
sorry i cant give any more advice good luck x x x x

i know i should be saying things but its just the fact that im staying at their place and i don`t want to be in a situation where i dunno where to go, and its OHs parents so dnt want to start being rude as im worried oh might have a go at me.
im just praying that we find a place soon...

you have to say things. You're his mummy.
explain with a smile that you dont like something. Or say it jokingly (but mean it!..they'll get the hint) and then take your son back and cuddle him.

most people wouldnt get offended by you saying soemthing - you are his Mum! They wouldnt throw you out for it surely! xx

Like the way they shake my baby and massage him is so weird and i feel sorry to see my baby cry and i can`t actually do or say anything as im living in their house.
I hardly spend time with my own kid as i have to make sure when my Father in law is home i have to give him the baby, because he complained before that im always stuck in my room with my baby. ...

sod the fact its their house - this is your baby!! If something happens you dont like then you say so!!!!!!! Never forget you're his mummy and you need to do what is best for him. Ignore other people's feelings. Thats what I say. He needs mummy not grandad.
You'll never get this newborn stage again with him so make the most of it
And so what if father in law complains you're in your room - if you were in your own house he'd not get to see baby. I say take as much time on your own as you like!!!!
Keep his changing bag ready stocked at all times and then it's not so difficult to go out - at least for a walk or something - you need to get out and have your own space with baby. You can just grab his bag, a bottle and go.

.

And get your OH to explain to his parents that although you're in their house and are very garteful, that they need to step back!!:hug:

Thank you for your support i feel so much better.. i definitely need to talk to OH about it, but let me tell something, the other his dad tried to hit my OH because Oh said to his parent "ITS MY KID I WANNA RAISE HIM THE WAY I WANT TO", si for almost a week i was stuck in my room not talking to no one so was OH, so you see what kind of mentality they are. which im fed up with. I was actually telling OH all the time i don`t want them to treat jayden this way and thats why he realised it too and therefore all these happened... but i hope things will get easier soon... xxxx

I understand how you feel about everything changing around you. I find myself getting jealous of others because they can just pick up and leave anytime (so it seems like). My husband makes plans like we don't have a child, until I put a reality check on him. Men just don't understand what all we go through (delivery and caring for our children).

As far as your living situation, I really don't know what to say. It sounds like you are very unhappy. If you don't like the way they do things with your baby, then stand up to them and tell them that your the baby's mother and you will make the choices on how to raise your LO. Try telling your husband how you really feel about his family and how you have made many changes in your life to be with him. He should meet you half way, marriage should be a support system. Good luck hun and I hope everything gets better for you. :hug:

I really feel for you in your current situation.
But you and your OH are the parents so your opinions are the most important by a long shot. Other people might mean well but they need to know if you're upset by their behaviour or comments. You can probably tell them tactfully!
As for the name, that's up to you and your OH, no-one else.

I know what you mean about the hassle of getting out, some days it seems more trouble than it's worth. It's still early days for you though and I think it gets easier with practice. I bet you'll feel better when you do join groups or whatever - mixing with other mums who won't tell you what to do or judge you, and know what it's like does help.

Hopefully living with your MIL is short-term. But while you're there it's your home too - you have given them a wonderful grandchild and have the right to expect their support in learning to be a new mum.

Hang on in there!

i really feel for you. if your OHs dad wanted to it him for that then they're just bullies!...wow.

Lets hope you can find somewhere else to stay soon - you have to do the best you believe for your son, and it doesnt sound like these grandparents are that...poor you!!¨...Could the council not help you guys find a place maybe?

Fingers crossed something pops up soon. In the mean time keep on walking baby and getting out of the house as much as you want and do tell them you're the Mum - so you decide hopw your baby should be raised. Full stop. Dont take any crap.
It might be scarey to stand up to them but we have to now...we're mothers.

:hug:

i really feel for you. if your OHs dad wanted to it him for that then they're just bullies!...wow.

Lets hope you can find somewhere else to stay soon - you have to do the best you believe for your son, and it doesnt sound like these grandparents are that...poor you!!¨...Could the council not help you guys find a place maybe?

Fingers crossed something pops up soon. In the mean time keep on walking baby and getting out of the house as much as you want and do tell them you're the Mum - so you decide hopw your baby should be raised. Full stop. Dont take any crap.
It might be scarey to stand up to them but we have to now...we're mothers.

:hug:

Thank you so much tinytoes, u r a sweetheart... ive been patient enough i think, its about time to stand up for things...

BIG :hug:

Thank you all ladies for your loving replies, i really feel like this website another family of mine.

Thank you Cparks1 and Helenc... Both of you are lovely...

Oh hun.. I hope things work out for you. I can't give you more advice, as it's all been said by other posters.. Good luck! :hugs:

I was just wondering is it just me or does some of you actually feel the same way i feel.

Since i had jayden everything has changed around me, which is common and obvious anyway! I love him to bits but its just i can`t cope anymore, sometimes he cries and i dunno what to do to stop him, i feel like im not a good mother.

These days i hardly have sleep, i sleep for just 2 or 3 hours a night, daytime i hardly can sleep. Its so boring and tiring, i can`t go out as before anymore, even if i want to to go out i need to think of getting jayden ready and pram and his clothes and food, which takes ages and just leave me thinking i`m better off staying at home as the time has gone by and i would have few hours in shopping centre.


Also OH, he works every time i hardly get to spend time with him anymore and the time he is there and he wants some romantic time with me, im so knackered and grumpy. And he is not like before all nice and lovely towards me. Sometimes i just regret getting married to him or regret being in thsi situation but then again i love my small family so much. I would do anything for both of them, but i don`t get treated the way i should be with my partner. I feel rejected and ugly (since giving birth), when i see OH looking at other girls, i feel like im not pretty anymore thats why he doesn`t praise me or look at me anymore.


I am in the EXACT same situation. If you want to talk just give me a pm :hugs:

Glamgirl,
I've just read your post. I'm so sorry for what you are going through! I think the other ladies have already said it all.

You just have to stand up to them hun. Honestly, your baby, your life, you raise the child as you wish! Coming from different cultures can make things even worse. But if you are uncomfortable about anything, please don't hesitate to stand up to your in-laws even if they aren't too happy about it, although you might need to be quite diplomatic.

Big :hug: for you sweetheart! Stay strong and you will get through this.

Glamgirl,
I've just read your post. I'm so sorry for what you are going through! I think the other ladies have already said it all.

You just have to stand up to them hun. Honestly, your baby, your life, you raise the child as you wish! Coming from different cultures can make things even worse. But if you are uncomfortable about anything, please don't hesitate to stand up to your in-laws even if they aren't too happy about it, although you might need to be quite diplomatic.

Big :hug: for you sweetheart! Stay strong and you will get through this.

thank you so much.... xxxx:hug:

everyone has already given really brilliant advice, and I hope things are improving for you but I just wanted to say that I found with housing stuff I just had to hassle (sp?) them continuously and that wasn't even for a house - it was just for housing benefit. I really hope you manage to get your own place soon, I reckon it'll make things a lot better - I can't even imagine how horrid it must be to be under your in-laws roof without everything else you've got going on too :(

thinking of you x

everyone has already given really brilliant advice, and I hope things are improving for you but I just wanted to say that I found with housing stuff I just had to hassle (sp?) them continuously and that wasn't even for a house - it was just for housing benefit. I really hope you manage to get your own place soon, I reckon it'll make things a lot better - I can't even imagine how horrid it must be to be under your in-laws roof without everything else you've got going on too :(

thinking of you x

thank you sweetie, we went to council as being homeless so that we get something asap, so within 28days we will mve out but we will hve to pay rent as a private rent is... thats the policy of the council we r into, they don`t give council houses anymre, council houses hve been bought by housing association sumfin, thats what they said, its a bit confusing tho... but lets see, i cnt wait 2 get out of this place, its getting on my head....

I hope everything improves hun.. :hug:

I hope everything improves hun.. :hug:

Thank you sweetie, but things are really hard for me at the moment. Im just being very patient until we move out...
Sometimes i just feel like crying just to get all my emotions out as i don`t hve no one to talk to and OH when he comes home he is very tired..

How is kaida? hope she is well? She looks lovely just like mummy...

It sounds like your in an awful situation, and the only thing you can do it get out there. Keep hassling the council, make them know who you are.

By calling your child a different name they are being so unbelievablely disrepectful, under no circumstances should you just accept it. Stand up for yourself and your little boy! Your his mother, things and done how you and your oh wont, not the grandparents. I would reccommend what some other girls said to, keep a bag ready and get out. Just for a walk if need be. Take him and walk out when they are going against your wishes, show them you arent happen if you cant tell them.

I really hope yous get a place soon :hugs: good luck xx

It sounds like your in an awful situation, and the only thing you can do it get out there. Keep hassling the council, make them know who you are.

By calling your child a different name they are being so unbelievablely disrepectful, under no circumstances should you just accept it. Stand up for yourself and your little boy! Your his mother, things and done how you and your oh wont, not the grandparents. I would reccommend what some other girls said to, keep a bag ready and get out. Just for a walk if need be. Take him and walk out when they are going against your wishes, show them you arent happen if you cant tell them.

I really hope yous get a place soon :hugs: good luck xx

thank you sweetie, again an issue 2day abt going church, we hve to provide money for the church to thank them... WTF!!!! money which we hvent got... they started now saying wen u married to your husband you have to change urself totally to their culture, dance to his tune thats the wrd they said... its horrible to b in here i swear down, they bully me big time.. we did the christening the way they wanted, and now another thing he wants me oh and jayden to go church again to thank them and for another prayer, its like im not only staying here, but i hve to do watver they like and want too... its hard very hard indeed...

but thank u sweetie, hope all goes well soon...

I had a problem with my OH when Max was born ..i was so into my baby boy i almost forgot about my OH's needs ..

What bothered me the most is he had to work 2 days after max was born ..(he came earlyier then we planned ) lol so lucky me got to spend a few days with the joyus company of MIL (yay in the most sarcastic way )

I cant complain about cooking or house chores he helped out allot even when he did 12 hr shifts at work ..but you know what ITS ALL STOPPED NOW lol

as soon as i could walk again :( other PITA was him wanting to do the deed

hahaha well he waited at least 6 weeks !


BTW :hug: to you hun

Just hang in there...lay down the law with everyone and tell your OH how your feeling. He may not be saying anything to you because he doesnt want to upset you if you are a bit fragile....

It sounds like you really need to get out of there. They are being extremely disrespectful to you. You shouldn't have to stand up to them on your own, your OH should be by your side because if you aren't happy then it will affect his child as well.

I hope you manage to sort something out. In the mean time, give your parents a call, you might be surprised at how supportive they can be.