My IVF (ICSI) diary #2

Well girls, my last thread has broken and won't let me (and i'm assuming others) reply so time for a fresh one!

As you can see by my ticker, 6 days till BT, 4 days until officially POAS (will be 14dpo...well, from egg collection!).

I have a confession...:blush:
I POAS this morning. Was a BFN with an internet cheapy. I thought it would be, its too early to test but I just had to get it out of my system!

All gone now and hopefully no POAS till Sunday!!! I really should skip that and wait until BT on Tuesday but i'm too impatient :hissy:

The last few days i've been extremely emotional and teary, my boobies are quite sore, occasional headaches, tiredness etc. Its either the crinone (and i'm on double dose!) (progesterone) or its a BFP coming...i'm thinking it is the crinone though!

but i am thinking it may be a BFP Babe!!!!

Let's just "ALL" think and have positive energy and mind just for you !!!

we are so many here on bnb we must affect you a little :):hugs:

OK i am sending my good vibe of :bfp: rightttttttttt nowwwwwwwwww !!
take it!!!!!!!!!! catch itttttttttttttt !!!
:bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp:

Sending you tons of :bfp: vibes!!

Awwww FJL, I really am hoping this is it for you!!!! Lots and lots and LOTS
of :bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp: vibes for you!!!!
I will keep praying for you!
:hugs:

Wishing you all the luck FJL :hugs:

Lots of luck babygirl.

What time do you get the test results? I want to text you!!!
Let me know if thats ok.

Thinking of you!!!

:hugs: :hugs:
:dust:

Good Luck FJL!!
fingers crossed for the :bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp:

Neyney - The BT is on the Tuesday, i'm going first thing 8:30am when they open in the hopes of getting the result that day (will be in the arvo) but it most likely won't come back until the next day as they have to send it to Tamworth to be tested and i'm not sure of the time. I *think* DH is having the wed off instead of the tues as thats the day the results are likely to come through but hopefully he can get both days off...I have both those days off, not requested but it just worked out that way as I never work tues/wed. He has the phone on him all of the time as he works away. You're more than welcome to text though! If he is here when we get the results (means the phone will be here) I will definitely text you as soon as we know!

Of course I will jump on here as soon as I can to let the rest of you girls know too.

The suspense is killing me. I'm not feeling confident at all but I just want to know...this is soooooooooooooo fucking cruel!!! I can't think of anything else but this...its on my mind every second of every waking hour.

I would multiply the agony of this TWW by 100 million compared to any other 2WW that i've ever been through!

:bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp:Vibes


Good luck hun xxxx

I'm crossing everything for you angel.

Sending you lots and lots and lots of cuddles

Bx x x x x:hugs::hugs:

It does seem like the 2WW after ICSI is a gazillion times worse than the normal TTC 2WW, doesn't it? just keep reminding yourself that once it's over you'll have a beautiful little bub! since you're POASing anyhow, why even make it seem that long? what may help is focusing to get through every day and think you'll know more tomorrow morning at the next wee!

Keeping everything crossed for ya FJL! Lots of luck and sticky vibes :dust:~!

really hope this is it for you xx

I really do hope this is it for you. Ive been reading your journals for ages now and I really hope this is it, you've had quite a journey.

Lots of baby dust for you!

xxx

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you FJL. I really hope your sore boobies are a sign of your :bfp:

:hug:

Yay I can reply! :happydance:

I've got everything crossed for a good result next Tues/Wed. :hugs:

Best of luck FJL. Sending you lots of sticky vibes and hugs. :hugs:

Just passing by to give you :hug:

Hi FJL,

Hoping hoping you get it your BFP this time. I am in my 2ww as well and man oh man is it hard to wait to test even though I am 5dpo lol. I am trying really hard not to think about testing. If anything don't test with an internet cheapy test. Test with one of those that are 5 days before af is due. Those cheapy's are not that realiable. I would try real hard to promise yourself not to test to at least a certain day. It is worse to have your hopes given up with an early testing then it is to wait.

Hi FJL

Just passing by to see how you're doing today. Hope you and DH are okay.

:hug:

Hi FJL and hope all goes well!:hug:

Hey girls...well its only 4 days till my BETA now and i'm getting very nervous!

Symptoms have been all over the place, I know with being on crinone I can't read into any of them but its so hard!!! (.)(.) aren't that sore anymore though I did experience a single shooting pain this morning in right (.) woke up this morning with distinct AF cramps and wetness (sorry, sorry, TMI I know!!!) down south which is what always happens before :witch: visits me. Went to the loo and thankgod, no AF.

I shouldn't get AF anyway until I go off crinone but AF can still come before then.

I am trying to hold off POAS as much as I can, it is so hard!!! Tuesday which is my BT will be 16dpo (well, 16 days since egg collection) but i'm *thinking* that Sunday being 14dpo should show up a positve results if it is a BFP right?

Constant butterflies in my tummy thats for sure!

Thanks for all your well wishes girls :hugs:

:hugs: you are so close now :happydance::happydance::hugs:

I think AF is on her way http://forum.ivf.org.au/images/smiles/crybaby2.gif

I just went grocery shopping and intense AF pain hit my like a tonne of bricks. All day i've had a dull ache on my left side only so I started to get positive as thats what side Dr put embryo.

But...

I just got home and i've started spotting http://forum.ivf.org.au/images/smiles/crybaby2.gif

I predict AF will be in full force later tonight or early tomorrow.

oh no i am so sorry:cry::cry: so unfair:cry:

Try and wait it out hon, you may have a late implanter on your hands. I had serious AF pains starting with 4dp3dt and onwards then they vanished, then I cramped again for two days when AF was due and it never came and so on. Fingers crossed that the pain was a good sign.

Well, i'm out, AF is definitely here. Just spoke to the nurse again and have to have BT tomorrow anyway. Then Dr is going to call me next week to schedule my op. F.uck I feel like shi.t I just went off my brain at poor DH because he's telling me not to be so negative, that the BT could come back positive...FFS, I know what its like to have a full flow period...after all this sh.it what the hell do I have to be positve about?

Oh, and i'm enjoying my 2nd glass of wine...

Oh sweetheart I'm so so so so sorry.
:hug:
I'm absolutely heartbroken for you.

you dont have to put a brave face on it and be positive for anyone - you are absolutely allowed to be sad and to grieve.

its so cruel to give you a bt anyway - do they want to effin rub it in?

bx x x x

I don't know what to say honey, just want to send you the biggest hug.
:hug:

I'm so so sorry it hasn't worked this time.

:hug:

Hun I am so sorry to hear your news, life is such a bitch sometimes xx

I'm so so sorry to hear it hasn't worked this time. Thinking of you hun.

:hug: :hug:

Soz, to hear this hun.:hug::hug::hug::hug:

I'm so very sorry hon.... The BT will help you move forward so it's a good idea.

Do you guys have frosties from this try?

:hug: :hug: :hug:
I'm so sorry that it hasn't worked this time.
:hug: :hug: :hug:

:hug:

I am so sorry.

:hug:

sending you a BIG :hug: hun..

:hug: I'm so sorry I have not bn on lately huni just had allot on, I'm really really sorry I know how u feel it hurts like hell and really nothing anyone can say just know we are here for you

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I am so sorry that this wasn't your cycle. I wish all the luck in the world for you next cycle. Extra :hug:, I hope you feel better soon.

Oh, FJL....I'm so sorry!!!! :hugs::hugs:

Sorry to hear this FJL :hugs:

:hug:

Just checking in on you hun.

*Warning...drunken post*

Well...its now after 8pm here and i've been drinking beer since midday in an attempt to numb this uncontrollable pain, hurt, anger and sadness but its done fuck all.

Considering I felt prepared for a BFN, I feel absolutely gutted, ripped off, cheated and like this whole world and the universal balance is completely fucked.

I feel so angry for myself for EVER thinking I had a chance in hell. Why did I have to be so gullable to think that this would ever work? Right now I honestly feel like I will never be pregnant or have a baby. Yet I will continue to torture myself with the 'possiblilities'.

I just fucking well want to know WHY? Why us? We love each other so much, we have been through so much in the past almost 7 years we have been together, we work hard, we're good people, why is this happening to us? Why, when scum of the earth fall pregnant and have babies everyday? Women in 3 world countries who can't even look after the children they have, continue to easily have more. Why can crack whores and abusers have children and we can't?

Why doesn't a baby want to be in our lives? If this whole 'universal works' things actually does exist...why does a baby seem to avoid being apart of us?

I feel these things on a daily basis but thanks to the 7 or more beers i've had its only coming out just now.

How do I know how much I can take? When do I give in? And if so, what then? I know its only early days IVF wise as I know of women up to over 20 cycles in, but how much more can I really take? How much more stress and strain can our relationship survive? How much more must we sacrifice for something that may never be? We are in the process of selling all of our stock, we will still be in too much debt and may have to sell our farm. I've given up so much to be here, i've done my time, made my sacrifices and i've got nothing in return...why isn't it fair game?

I just really want to know these answers and knowing that I won't ever know is killing me.

I'm sorry for this mess of a rant that probably makes no sense whatsover, but i'm really losing it over here...

DH is home and i've cuddled and talked with him and while I do share so much of my feelings with him, and he is great, I just don't feel I have the right to burden him with the full load...what the hell is the point? He already feels to blame that we're here, I don't want him to feel worse. I know its not his fault but he doesn't see it that way.

I wonder if I should turn into a drug addict criminal...seems thats all you have to do to fall pregnant...

:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

Aw I'm so so sorry it didn't work for you. :hugs:

You rant away drunken as you like girl. God knows you deserve to be able to do that at least. I just wish there was something, anything I could do to make it hurt less for you. I know there isn't. Allow yourself this time to grieve in whatever form it takes.

:hug:

:hug:
Feel free to rant away hun. It's all so unfair, but I'm sure that the time will come for all of us even though it may not seem like it now.
Take care hun.
:hug:

Oh honey, I'm so sorry to read this :hugs:
I truely do feel for you and your DH right now, it's just so unfair :cry:

I wish I could just drive up and give you a huge hug!! But I got to go to work.

Hang in there darling. I know you feel like letting go, but we're here to
help hold you up as best we can

:hugs:

:hug:

I know there is nothing I can say to help ease your pain hun. But I just wanted you to know that you can rant at us as much as you need to, if that goes anywhere to help you.

:hug:

Had to go in for my BT yesterday and got results today.

It seems i've had a chemical pregnancy. HcG reading was at 15 so I have to have another BT on Thursday to make sure it has dropped.

Not sure how to feel...

Excited that I had a hint of a pregnancy for the first time in 2 years?

Wondering what I did wrong to end it?

Was it my uterus? Did my body just reject it because it wasn't healthy?

I have phone appt with FS on Friday so I will ask him more questions as well as book in my surgery and find out more info about it.

I hope Friday brings some answers for you.

That must be tough hearing that news. I don't really know very much about chemical pregnancies. Wobbles would be good to talk to for advice I'm sure.

One thing is for certain, it's nothing you have done wrong. :hugs:

:hugs: Best of luck for Friday and I hope you get some answers.

lots of luck and hugs hun xxx

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: sweetie, I hope Friday brings you some answers. xx

:hugs: thinking of you darling :hugs:

Thinking of you hun. Hope things go okay on Friday

:hug:

Good luck on Friday xx