FJL
Aug 11th, 2008, 10:29 AM
Today was one of the worst days i've had during this cycle (and i've had some shockers!).
I went back to work today for the first time in over a week (since EPU and ET). I work at a vet clinic (i'm a nurse) and today my boss who is the clinic owner was there as well as a 5th year intern. The intern happens to be 22 weeks pregnant. I forgot she was coming and when I met her and realised she was pregnant I was a bit :rolleyes: but after talking to her for 5 minutes I just wanted to cry.
I asked her what year she was in and she pretty much said 5th year, that she was pregnant now and that it was an accident and then she laughed. I was honestly dying inside. She then proceeded to complain about how she can't ride her horse until the baby is born. I coldly told her that it was really her decision whether or not she wanted to take the risk and if she was happy with her decision not to ride then don't complain. I couldn't help it.
From then on I felt so emotional, overhearing her and my boss talk about her pregnancy I just wanted to burst out in tears.
Then my boss asked me how I was feeling. I lost it, I burst into tears and was a blubbering mess. She then explained to the confused intern that I was doing IVF (which I might add I did not give her permission to blurt out). I then told my boss what happened in sydney, news of my ute etc and from then on I just couldn't stop crying for a good 30 minutes. In that 30 minutes the following happened:
* I was told that I was young and that I have a good 20 years to have a child. Through tears and trauma I told them that I don't give a shit how much time I have, that this is killing me, the emotional aspects are so intense. I was then told that humans are very resilient and we can go through more than we think and that a lady has written a book about it. The author had her father shoot her 2 kids and she got through that and that what i'm going through won't ever be as bad as that so to just carry on.
* My boss thought it appropriate to point out to the intern that i'm not normally like this, and normally i'm skinny and fit but 'thats gone up in smoke'. I have put on a shitload of weight with the stress of everything this year but my god...do I really need to be told i'm fat with everything thats going on?
* Right after the above, the intern told me that the progesterone i'm on was probably making my face rounder as when she was first pregnant, it did the same to her.
I'll now point out that my BMI is 25...i'm not normally this big, but i'm not actually fat, just a bit podgy right now.
* They then went on about how they felt when they were first pregnant and how emotional they were and that its the drugs making me emotional.
Keep in mind I was balling my eyes out this whole time, I couldn't stop and they went on and on trying to make me feel better but not knowing they were the ones making me cry.
* My boss (again, so appropriate) asked the intern what she was having. She said a boy (in a disapointed voice) saying that she bets she's never lucky enough to have a girl because they're all boys on her husbands side.
* My boss again said (for about the 500th time this year) that she gets pregnant just looking at her husband and the intern felt the need to have a big laugh about it...even though I was still in friggen tears.
* Later that day they were going out for a calving gone wrong, and the intern couldn't stop laughing because her overalls don't fit her anymore. She was then making comments throughout the day (to me, after everything that happened that morning) about how she doesn't know what shes gotten herself into, and how she really wanted to have a few years with being a vet before having kids but that since she was 33 she 'guessed' it was ok.
The thing with my boss is that she is such a lovely sweet lady most of the time, and when she's not being exactly that, she thinks she is. So nothing she says is intended to come across nasty. If she was being a downright bit.ch even though she's my boss I would say something, but her thinking she's being nice makes it so hard. I would just feel too uncomfortable to say anything.
I just feel like shit. I'm so upset. I've had such an awful day and all of the above made me so upset beyond words.
If it wasn't for the fact that money is really tight i'd have quit right then and there.
Thank god I now have 2 days off.
I can't wait till DH gets home, I need the worlds biggest hug :cry:
I went back to work today for the first time in over a week (since EPU and ET). I work at a vet clinic (i'm a nurse) and today my boss who is the clinic owner was there as well as a 5th year intern. The intern happens to be 22 weeks pregnant. I forgot she was coming and when I met her and realised she was pregnant I was a bit :rolleyes: but after talking to her for 5 minutes I just wanted to cry.
I asked her what year she was in and she pretty much said 5th year, that she was pregnant now and that it was an accident and then she laughed. I was honestly dying inside. She then proceeded to complain about how she can't ride her horse until the baby is born. I coldly told her that it was really her decision whether or not she wanted to take the risk and if she was happy with her decision not to ride then don't complain. I couldn't help it.
From then on I felt so emotional, overhearing her and my boss talk about her pregnancy I just wanted to burst out in tears.
Then my boss asked me how I was feeling. I lost it, I burst into tears and was a blubbering mess. She then explained to the confused intern that I was doing IVF (which I might add I did not give her permission to blurt out). I then told my boss what happened in sydney, news of my ute etc and from then on I just couldn't stop crying for a good 30 minutes. In that 30 minutes the following happened:
* I was told that I was young and that I have a good 20 years to have a child. Through tears and trauma I told them that I don't give a shit how much time I have, that this is killing me, the emotional aspects are so intense. I was then told that humans are very resilient and we can go through more than we think and that a lady has written a book about it. The author had her father shoot her 2 kids and she got through that and that what i'm going through won't ever be as bad as that so to just carry on.
* My boss thought it appropriate to point out to the intern that i'm not normally like this, and normally i'm skinny and fit but 'thats gone up in smoke'. I have put on a shitload of weight with the stress of everything this year but my god...do I really need to be told i'm fat with everything thats going on?
* Right after the above, the intern told me that the progesterone i'm on was probably making my face rounder as when she was first pregnant, it did the same to her.
I'll now point out that my BMI is 25...i'm not normally this big, but i'm not actually fat, just a bit podgy right now.
* They then went on about how they felt when they were first pregnant and how emotional they were and that its the drugs making me emotional.
Keep in mind I was balling my eyes out this whole time, I couldn't stop and they went on and on trying to make me feel better but not knowing they were the ones making me cry.
* My boss (again, so appropriate) asked the intern what she was having. She said a boy (in a disapointed voice) saying that she bets she's never lucky enough to have a girl because they're all boys on her husbands side.
* My boss again said (for about the 500th time this year) that she gets pregnant just looking at her husband and the intern felt the need to have a big laugh about it...even though I was still in friggen tears.
* Later that day they were going out for a calving gone wrong, and the intern couldn't stop laughing because her overalls don't fit her anymore. She was then making comments throughout the day (to me, after everything that happened that morning) about how she doesn't know what shes gotten herself into, and how she really wanted to have a few years with being a vet before having kids but that since she was 33 she 'guessed' it was ok.
The thing with my boss is that she is such a lovely sweet lady most of the time, and when she's not being exactly that, she thinks she is. So nothing she says is intended to come across nasty. If she was being a downright bit.ch even though she's my boss I would say something, but her thinking she's being nice makes it so hard. I would just feel too uncomfortable to say anything.
I just feel like shit. I'm so upset. I've had such an awful day and all of the above made me so upset beyond words.
If it wasn't for the fact that money is really tight i'd have quit right then and there.
Thank god I now have 2 days off.
I can't wait till DH gets home, I need the worlds biggest hug :cry: