Mugzy's Pregnancy Journal

I've been meaning to start one of these for a few days now, but can't seem to keep awake for long enough. :rofl: I've turned into the sleep monster :sleep:

I've been wanting a bub forever. My initial plan (in my teens) was to have 10 - the first when I was 20 and then 1 every 2 years till I was 40. So I'm 5 behind schedule :D As with most things we plan in our teens, life didn't work out that way. My mid twenties were spent first fighting and then recovering from cancer. And one of the possible side effects of chemo is infertility, which was something that was very difficult for me to accept. But my cycle remained regular, which my docs said was a good sign. I got ovulation pain most months and my period always arrived on time.

Last September I had an unplanned pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage at 5 weeks. I was so sad :cry: But I read alot about it and I finally realised that this happens often (esitmated 50% of first pregnancies) and that it's almost always because your body recognises that the baby won't make it. I still feel sad about the little person I lost (had the little bean survived he would have been born in the next few days), but I try not to dwell on it. The good thing was I now knew that it was possible for me to get pregnant.

My periods were all over the place after the miscarriage, so I started charting to see what was going on. I got my :bfp: at 12 dpo, the day before AF was due. It was very faint, but the line was there :happydance::happydance: My OH wasn't ready to believe it, so I tested again the next morning, still faint, but there. He couldn't deny 2 tests.

And that brings me to now - 6 weeks +1. My symptoms so far are needing to pee way more than before and extreme tiredness. Over the last few days I got some new symptoms: my bbs are very sore and they've grown (I'm now in an E cup :shock:), I've had some nausea, though no vomiting yet, and food is just not appealing at the moment. I think if I could choose anything to eat, it would be plain baked potato. Maybe with a little butter.

I'm falling asleep again as I write this, think I'll have another nap :sleep:

:hug: and sticky :dust: to you all

Some :dust: For your journal

Welcome to the journals. Hope you have a happy and healthy 9 months.

:hug:

welcome to the journals

welcome over to the journals and congratulations on your BFP!!

Well, I'm in the "uncomfortable" stage of early pregnancy. I'm bloated and feeling sick and soooo tired. :hissy:

Yesterday was a bit scary for me. I've been getting cramps, similar to period pains but mild, pretty much from the start. Never been much of a concern since I know that these are normal and as long as there is no bleeding it's fine. But yesterday I had terrible pains, where all I could do curl up in bed and try to breath my way through it. This is pretty normal for me on the first day of my period, I've always had awful cramps for the first day or so, but it's a first for this pregnancy. There's been no bleeding and my temps are still high so I think it's ok. I'm going to keep charting until I have my first scan since it seems miscarriage charts have a dip before they start bleeding so as long as it's high I will feel ok. I haven't had any more cramps since last night, so I'm going to take that as a good sign. My dear OH has been so sweet, he's told me that for the next 6 weeks (until I get scanned) my only job is to rest and feed his baby. Unfortunately this includes no :sex: for the next 6 weeks :shock::hissy::cry:

Other than that, not much to report. Still have a lot of nausea, but no vomitting :happydance:

:hug:

I'm feeling very sorry for myself today :cry: I feel sooooo sick. Nausea is really bad at the moment, still not vomitting, but sometimes wish I was as maybe it would give some relief from the nausea for a while. My bbs are just exploding at the moment. I got some maternity bras last week, size E, that were slightly big - figured I would leave a little room for growth. I've completely filled them out and I think will have to move up to F cup in week or so if the current trend continues. They are now too big and sore for me to sleep on my stomache. Ow!!!

Yesterday I thought I'd have a quick nap after lunch (about 12:30), I woke up at 4:45 not knowing where I was or what day it was. Needless to say I had a restless night what with my big bbs getting in the way and too much sleep during the day. I'm trying to hold out on the nap today so that I can get a better nights sleep tonight, but I'm so sleepy right now I think I'm fighting a loosing battle. :sleep:

Trying to keep my eye on the little prize at the end of these 9 months :baby:

It's me!!! I'm here to follow the journey and hopefully join you soon!!!

:hug:

I've read your journal and I think you are wonderful!! :hugs:

Btw...with DS I had REALLY bad pains at 5 & 6 weeks and thought I was ectopic, but saw the wee bean on the ultrasound and everything was cool...I think it was my ligaments starting to move...ultimately became a right bother in 3rd trimester and I could barely walk!! Didn't help that DS was full breech and used to stand up inside me regularly!!!! :rofl:

Awww the tiredness is a nightmare!! I fell asleep before 8pm and then couldnt sleep properly through the night. I think if you have an hour nap you'll be ok.

just wanted to drop in your pregnancy journal and wish you all the best for the next 9 months!!! Hope u feel better and hope to join u soon!!

:hug:

Tanya:baby::cloud9::hugs:

So I managed to stay awake on Friday until 9:30 pm, then passed out after pursuading my OH that a little :sex: would not dislodge the baby :happydance::happydance: Only woke up at 4am!!! That's almost 7 hours without having to pee!!!! OH was wide awake then too, he's not used to sleeping at 9pm, so we spent a few hours chatting. I was feeling icky so he got me an orange, which surpisingly helped the nausea.

It was his birthday yesterday so we were in the pub for most of the day. It was cute, whenever any of his friends came in he let them know I'm pregnant by patting my belly. Later some of his friends were a bit drunk, starting asking every guy who walked in - "Did you get her pregnant?". OH would pipe up "No, no. That would be me." I did pretty well on the nausea front - plain salted potato chips are my new best friend. Worked wonders :happydance::happydance: So today there are 2 of us feeling under the weather :rofl::rofl: I can't say I have much sympathy :rofl:

Seems the other night was a once off thing... I'm back to getting up 4 times a night to pee :hissy: Maybe it's just natures way of preparing us for middle of the night feeds.

Awwwww. That's lovely hunnie. I wish I could go 7 hours without a pee!! Jealous much?!

Salt and vinegar crisps were my life saver.

Hope it doesnt haunt you for long.

Good luck and take care xx:hug:

just wanted to say hi. Hope baba and mom are well.

:hug::hugs:

I'm feeling blue today :cry: I've wanted a baby forever. And now that it's happening all I can think is: I don't like being pregnant. Don't get me wrong. If something was to happen to this baby I'd be crushed. I want it more than anything. But I feel awful, and I know they say that's all a good sign - but it's not fun. I have no energy at all. I don't know how people manage to hold down a job when they're pregnant. I'm a freelancer so work from home, but I haven't managed to do anything in the last few weeks. I get up for meals, but the rest of the time I'm lying down. I see stars when I stand up, think my blood pressure must be low. I have nausea all day and even wake up with it at night. It's another month before I go back home and can see a doctor. Wish I could just sleep for the next 7 months and wake up when it's all over. Think I might just give that a try :sleep:

Hun it does get easier believe me!! :hug: This is the rotten time, no energy, queasey, but get past this and you will be swimming I promise you!!

And I would be liar if I said I ahdn't felt like you with my first one too!! :hugs:

Aww hun i have moments where i feel like that too but dont worry like nellis said it will get easier (at least thats what im praying for lol )

I guess before your pregnant you have this wonderful vision of morning sickness and tiredness and being cranks and the once you get it and reality hits ... its not all that much fun at first!!

Sleep is good though ... i got in from work at 6pm and fell asleep until 8.30 .. now im going to be up all bloody night lol

I admire you. You fought a battle with cancer, you're a very lucky person to be able to tell the story. Cancer took two of my family members, almost 3.:cry: And if I had lost my grandmother I wouldn't be alive today. Just know that you are truly idolized.

I admire you. You fought a battle with cancer, you're a very lucky person to be able to tell the story. Cancer took two of my family members, almost 3.:cry: And if I had lost my grandmother I wouldn't be alive today. Just know that you are truly idolized.

That's so sweet of you :hugs: Sorry to hear about your loss :cry: I lost my grandmother to lung cancer when I was 6, she was the best. She smoked at least a pack a day for 50 years though, so at least she served as a warning to us. She had 14 grandchildren, and none of us have ever smoked because of it.

Mine was just one of those random freak of nature things that you can't predict or prevent, and it thankfully has no genetic element so I won't need to worry about my little bean getting it later (at least no more than any parent does). I do sometimes worry that the chemo might have damaged my eggs or something and it will effect the baby. I'll feel a lot better once I've had a scan and seen that everything is fine.

Hey mugsy

Thanks for posting on my TTC journal....!! very sweet of you

Congrats on being pregnant and i hope time flies by to your 12 week scan!!

I tried what you said in FF with the temps but it didnt move OV back to CD23 like i was on before....???? dunno why but thanks for having a look and letting me know

:hugs:

Today would have been my first baby's due date :cry: Just wanted to take a moment to remember the little one I lost :sadangel:

Well, morning sickness is in full swing. I'm throwing up at least 4 or 5 times a day. Probably not being helped by the fact I have a head cold and have a constant stream of slime running down the back of my throat :sick: (sorry if that's TMI). My OH is very happy every time I throw up, as he feels this is a good sign that the LO is doing well. I trying to find a way for him to carry the next one.

I had a day of panic on Tuesday - I'm still taking my temps from when I was charting (yes, I know I shouldn't be), and they dropped slightly on Monday then down to the coverline on Tuesday. So I did some research and found out about the luteal-placental shift which is somewhere between 7 and 9 weeks the placenta takes over production of the progesterone and the corpus luteum dissapears. But sometimes the placenta isn't ready to take over and you need supplements to keep the progesterone up. So I took myself to the doctor and asked what I could do. Turns out in the UK they only investigate low progesteron once you've had 3 consecutive miscarriages. :hissy: I wasn't at all happy about this, but my temps were back up yesterday and they're fine again today :happydance: Maybe you just get a natural dip when the placenta takes over. Or maybe it was because my head is stuffy and I was breathing through my mouth. Felt a bit embarressed and getting freaked out for nothing :blush:

I'm going to Cardiff for the weekend to visit my cousin which should be fun. Leaving OH at home to pack for our big move next month. Think he's looking forward to having some peace and quite for a couple of days :rofl: Poor man has had me complaining about being sick for weeks on end.

:hugs: for your little angel hun! :cloud9:

Ooo I didn't know there was a Luteal/Placental shift....must remember that!!!

Good that things are still going well and OH is right...it is a good sign even though it feels crappy!!!! :cry:

I can't wait to join you!!! :hugs:

Hi Mugsy! Just having a read of your journal my luv. Poor you - sounds like the old morning sickness has kicked in big time. :hugs: I know it's hard to believe, but it won't last long. Hope I can join you with a PG journal sometime soon!! :hug:

hope u feel better soon.. just think of the little angel inside u :cloud9:

:hug:

I had a fantastic weekend in Wales. It was so nice seeing my cousin again and her girlies are adorable. I was feeling just sick enough to not worry about the baby, but not sick enough to ruin the weekend. I didn't even throw up once. The break was short lived though, I didn't keep my breakfast down for long this morning and having been feeling awful all day.

I'm getting a real bump! It seems a bit early, but if it was just bloating it should vary day to day, and it can't just be extra weight as I've lost almost 3kgs since I got pregnant. Each day it's getting a bit more uncomfortable to sleep on my tummy. I'm a bit nervous as twins run in my sides of family (my sister, my aunt and my grandmother had twins and my great grandmother had 2 sets of triplets and 3 sets of twins - no fertility treatments back in those days). My OH would love it, but I find the thought of multiples a bit daunting... oh well, no use worrying about things you can't change. I got my scan date :happydance: 30 June so exactly 4 weeks from today till I get to see my baby :cloud9:

multiples???? oh my....lol...might explain the bump right enough!!! :winkwink:

Hope you are well my friend!!

Ooooh so exciting! Make sure you post a pic of the scan! Twins sound scary don't they! I can't work out if I'd want them or not! We want 2 more kids, but 2 at the same time? :shock: Glad you had a relatively :sick:-free weekend Mugz!!!

I managed to get my camera to stay on long enough to take a pic of my bump (my battery has died and I need to find an adapter to be able to charge it). I will get my OH to take a better pic once the camera is charged. What do you think? Too big for first baby at 9 weeks?

Hun, I'm thinking yes! I didn't start to show...even though I used to walk around with the pregnancy gait from about 4 months!!! I bought PG trousers at about 3 months, but really didn't need them until 4 months at least....so I;m thinking unless you have been at the cream pies and shortbread....there may be more than one little bun in that oven of yours!!! :hugs:

Woohooo!!!! :happydance:

P.S. Can you feel any movement yet? I felt frst flutters at 16weeks, but if there are more than one in there it might be felt sooner!!!

:rofl: I got my maternity jeans at 6 weeks - found a fantastic sale at Gap for 4.99 a pair. My regular jeans where getting to be a bit uncomfortable and I didn't think it was worth buying the next size up when I don't know what size I'll be after the pregnancy.

I have had a couple of times in the last few days that I've thought I felt some movement but then thought it's way too early for that. Usually when I'm napping on my tummy. The only way I can describe it is like when I get a twitch in my eyelid. Kind of an erratic movement that lasts for a few seconds then stops. It could just be a twitch in a blood vessel.

Wish I could say it's the cream pies but I've been having trouble eating, and when I do manage to finish a meal it usually doesn't stay down for long. I've lost 3 kgs since I got pg, and my OH has gained 5 since he ends up eating most of my dinner each night :rofl: I'm not too concerned about the weight loss - I'm sure I'll make up for it once the nausea stops.

Yep that's what I got too...like a little buttefly flapping thier wings...really faint but very distinct!!

Hun if you've lost weight and you are still showing and this is your first PG...then I'm wondering why you are so big...I can only assume because there is more than one in there!!! Fingers crossed for multiples for you!!!!:happydance:

Thanks Nat, but I've got my fingers crossed for just 1 :) Twins are adorable, and I know there's no point worrying about a situation I have no control over - but it seems with twins you're constantly trying to keep up with what needs to get done and don't really have the time to enjoy their baby days. I guess I'm just going to have to wait 4 weeks to find out. I'll be happy with whatever I'm having, but maybe a bit more happy with just 1 :blush:

Cool! Whatever you are happy with is great, but I guess we won't know for sure until your first scan!! Maybe you are just bloated because you uterus is preventing your bowel movements?:hugs:

:rofl: I think I'll go with bloated for now too.

I'm hoping I am being delicate when I ask is your tummy normally flat? If so that is one helluva bump! be prepared for a surprise!!! :rofl:

Hi Mugzy! I think you do look quite big for 9 weeks hun!!!! Mind u, my bubba was small all the way and was only 6 and a bit pounds when born, and I'm a bit of a stick too! I didn't need any maternity trousers till 19-20 weeks!

Mine was only 6lb 2oz when born....mind you I was a tad overweight during the pregnancy (even more now!!)

I still think you should be prepared for a surprise.

Found a piccie of me @ 20 weeks gone. Nobody believed I was actually preggo!

http://i302.photobucket.com/albums/nn115/magicbabyvw/4monthspreggo.jpg

'Scuse the bad hair - I'd just had a shower!!!

Wow!!! Look at you!! Your gorgeous thing! I must scan in some of my pics I took when I was about 35 weeks. I had a "stunning" Demi Moore type photo done of me (then me and DH broke up for 5 months and he destroyed it the muppet!!!!) and I still ahve some of the photos from the shoot!

20 weeks?!? Wow!

I wouldn't say my stomache is normally flat - but definitely nothing like this. I usually wear size 12/14 jeans comfortably (depending on the cut). I sent my mum the pic this morning and she wrote back saying "YOU'RE HUGE!!!!" so she can see the difference. Will just have to wait and see what shows up on the scan.

I feel sick :hissy::hissy::hissy: I've already thrown up 3 times today :cry: I used to be able to eat a little and feel better, now anything I eat makes me feel sick but if I don't eat I feel even sicker. I just don't know what to do. :cry:

If there is more than one in there it could explain the harsh morning sickness due to extra hormones...2 for the price of 1 (or dare I say it......triplets, quads, quins?):rofl:

Nooooo, don't even say it :rofl: My OH thinks it would be the best thing ever to have quints. He's never spent more than a day around small children though, I doubt he'd be thinking that way if he ever had :rofl:

Ok. I'm going to try and eat a sandwich and then get some sleep this afternoon :sleep: Hopefully if I sleep it will stay down a bit longer and keep the LO/s fed :)

Oh poor you Mugz :hugs: Wish I had some advice but I never threw up once although I did get nausea. :hugs::hugs:

Nooooo, don't even say it :rofl: My OH thinks it would be the best thing ever to have quints. He's never spent more than a day around small children though, I doubt he'd be thinking that way if he ever had :rofl:

Ok. I'm going to try and eat a sandwich and then get some sleep this afternoon :sleep: Hopefully if I sleep it will stay down a bit longer and keep the LO/s fed :)

Haha.....LO/s....see...a little spark of belief!!!! :happydance:

Either that or you have dreadful stomach tone!!! :rofl::rofl::rofl:

http://i302.photobucket.com/albums/nn115/magicbabyvw/dionne-quintuplets.jpg


5 Buns for Mugzy :wohoo:

:rofl::rofl: bad stomache tone is probably the right answer. I've never been fond of situps :blush:

Well a 3 hour nap seems to have done the trick :happydance: I had a cheese sandwich and a small tub of melon for lunch, which hopefully by now has all been absorbed and converted into yummy nutrients for the baby. Think I'll go and catch up on what's happening in the rest of the forum.
:hug:

glad u feel better and I hope your food stays down.. I have cramps and spotting so I am out :cry::hug:

Yay! Glad you're feeling better mugzy! :wohoo:

Just catching up with your journal and wanted to wish you a H&H 9 months!!

:hug:
x

Hey Mugsy

Thats for all my posts!! you've been a massive help

Makes me feel better that you didnt see any ewcm....woop woop

did you use preseed?

hope your feeling better xx

Hey bird :hi:

No I never used preseed. I never had a dryness problem so never even thought about it. I've heard great things about it though, particularly for people who do have a dryness problem. I'm a bit sceptical about whether it actually helps the spermies swim though. Loads of people have got their BFP with it, so it certainly doesn't hurt them. Hope this is your month hun :hugs:

Any updated bloaty pics for us today??? Did you get more batteries for your camera!!!

We want a week by week show of your tummy!!!:happydance::hugs:

Hey bird :hi:

No I never used preseed. I never had a dryness problem so never even thought about it. I've heard great things about it though, particularly for people who do have a dryness problem. I'm a bit sceptical about whether it actually helps the spermies swim though. Loads of people have got their BFP with it, so it certainly doesn't hurt them. Hope this is your month hun :hugs:

I dont have any problem with dryness either i just assumed that because i dont have any ewcm this might help transport the sperm to the right place :rofl: might try it this month and then if nothing just leave it for a bit as i've already brought some....

Thanks xxx :hug:

LOL. I bought my camera in the US last year so it has a US plug and the only adapter I have has a round rim. I need to find a flat adapter but right now I'm feeling so sick I can't even drag myself down to sainsbury's to get a sandwich.

I think I'll send my OH out to find one this weekend, and then will update each monday when my week changes. My growing bbs are concerning me more than the growing tum - I so can't afford to be buying new bras each month. I'm starting to fall out of my new E cups :shock:

LOL. I bought my camera in the US last year so it has a US plug and the only adapter I have has a round rim. I need to find a flat adapter but right now I'm feeling so sick I can't even drag myself down to sainsbury's to get a sandwich.

I think I'll send my OH out to find one this weekend, and then will update each monday when my week changes. My growing bbs are concerning me more than the growing tum - I so can't afford to be buying new bras each month. I'm starting to fall out of my new E cups :shock:

Go to Mothercare....you buy a bra in your normal size and they stretch with you! Saves on buying more! Get them measured!

Really? I got mine at mothercare, got it slightly big cause I figured that would leave room to grow :rofl: Didn't realise I'd be growing that much.

That's a brilliant idea!!! We actually have a Mothercare here but it's 3 hours away and verrry expensive. LOL Mugzy - treat yourself to some new bras hun!

I was told to buy my normal size. But still go get measured anyway!

Thanks ladies. I will make my way to mothercare once I start to feel a bit better. Right now the thought of being on a bus and not being able to dash to the loo at a moments notice has me in a panic. This morning sickness thing is worse than chemo :hissy: I'm trying to keep the image of holding my new baby in my mind, it has to be worth it in the end.

Just think hun, this time next month you will be through the worst and out the other side and looking forward to your "blooming" trimester! :hug:

Thanks ladies. I will make my way to mothercare once I start to feel a bit better. Right now the thought of being on a bus and not being able to dash to the loo at a moments notice has me in a panic. This morning sickness thing is worse than chemo :hissy: I'm trying to keep the image of holding my new baby in my mind, it has to be worth it in the end.

If I get morning sickness next time and my DH is unsupportive (which he is bound to be), I will use that quote - it's worse than Chemo u know!

Can't last forever Mugz. Is there anything you're allowed to take for it?

LOL. I only say that because with chemo they give you so many other drugs that you pretty much sleep for 5 days and wake up only to eat and take more drugs. Then you get 3 weeks to recover where you feel pretty much ok. My OH tries to be supportive, but I think he's losing patience with me now. He actually saw me throw up for the first time this morning as I didn't have the energy to get up :sick: just grabbed a bowl and puked in bed :rofl: Hopefully that will make him a bit more sympathetic.

If I was back home I would get some vomifene which I know is safe to use during pregnancy, but I spoke to a friend who works at boots and she says there is nothing you can get over the counter here. Still almost 3 weeks till I go home, and I'm hoping I'll be over the worst by then. And then I'll have my mum to fuss over me which tends to cure all ills :blush:

awww mugzy! Hope you feel better soon, i got all this to come :S
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks melbo. You never know, you could be lucky and not get any sickness :) How are you doing for symptoms so far?

I'm feeling much more positive today. Am still feeling a bit icky, but no vomiting today :happydance: And... I ordered my angelsounds doppler from ebay!!!!!! Can't wait to hear the bub's heartbeat :yipee::wohoo::yipee:

*TMI alert*
My OH fell asleep at 8pm last night, which meant he was wide awake at 2am :gun: And since I had napped for 2 hours yesterday morning and 3 hours yesterday afternoon, I was not in the deepest of sleep so the sound of him stomping around and opening bags of food was highly annoying. I eventually got back to sleep and woke up with him curled around me, which is sweet, but he was pushing on my stomache and making me feel very sick. So I tried moving a bit to get comfortable - that was a mistake. He sees this as wake up time - and suddenly he's getting a little too friendly for that time of the morning :blush: I thought about it for a minute - I could either smack him and go back to sleep or just let him get it over with. So I rolled over and said "Go ahead then, just try not to wake me". 10 minutes later, he's passed out and I get another 4 hours of sleep :sleep: I need to remember this next time he's up in the middle of the night. :rofl::rofl:

Hope you ladies are all well :hug:

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

My Poor DH didn't get a look in from my early PG until our Wedding day!!!!!

Bless him!!!! I just couldn't bear it when I was so nauseous!:blush:

LOL I did not :sex: once while pg! We were banned in the first tri because of my bleeding and then I was just too paranoid/terrified to even try. My DH was going insane!!!

hope u feel better soon... its so kind of u to stay in our TTC journals and give us all your baby vibes... :hugs:

LOL. When I had bad cramping a few weeks ago, he said he didn't want to do it again until I'd had the scan. Took a couple of days for that idea to disolve :rofl::rofl:

How long from when you got pregnant till you got married, Nat? We're getting married next month, but we'll only having a wedding once the baby is born (we want a combined vow exchanging/baby naming ceremony). :cloud9:

I got married when I was just over 8 months pregnant!! 20 days before I gave birth to James!!!!

:rofl::rofl: I cant believe you did that lady!!

I got married when I was just over 8 months pregnant!! 20 days before I gave birth to James!!!!

OOh that's what I call cutting it fine!!! What did u wear hun?

20 days!!! Wow. Weren't you worried that you'd go into early labor or something? And as magic said... what did you wear???
We're planning for end of January, just to give us some time for unexpected events. We'll be having guests flying out from Sweden and the UK, and it's quite expensive to change tickets at the last minute. We expect the baby will be just over a month old by then. So many exciting times coming!!! :cloud9:

I wore a fabulous wedding dress, we had over 120 guests, the full works...it was a brilliant day...although I was tired and left the party about 7.30pm...but we were on the go for the reception from about 12pm.:happydance:

Moved House 5th June
Married 10th July
Gave Birth 30th July...

3 most stressful events all in 8 weeks....I'm a trooper!!!

I have had the most frustrating few days - no internet :hissy::hissy::hissy: It was really slow over the weekend (on Sunday it was taking 15 minutes to load a page) and on Monday it cut out completely. Monday was a bad day for me in terms of sickness so I didn't have the energy to get it sorted out. Finally got reconnected last night. YAY!!!

My most exciting news... I got my Angelsounds doppler and heard the baby's heartbeat on Monday :happydance::yipee::wohoo::juggle: That ranks as one of my all time happy moments - right up there with the first time my OH said he loves me and when the line showed up on my BFP :cloud9: I stopped looking once I'd heard it (they say it sounds like horses galloping, I thought it sounded more like a dog panting after a run), but my OH wants to look again tonight to see if we can find more than one. Although, I'm not sure if I'd be able to tell one heartbeat from another.

Now to catch up on all the posts I've missed while I've been away...

Hearing the baby/ies heartbeat/s is definitely one of the most magical sounds in the universe and very comforting!!!

I might get one of those if I ever manage to get PG again!!

So pleased you are back online!! I have missed your calming posts!!! :hugs:

Thanks Nat :D

It's not a question of if you get pregnant again... it's when. And the doppler is so worth the money. Now I know there is an actuall :baby: in there, and it's not a blighted ovum, I'm so much more relaxed. And not minding so much about about throwing up all the time (although I hope that stops soon).

So here's my 10 week (well, 10 + 2) pic. Taken with my phone, since my battery is still dead, but it turned out ok.

Aw that's brilliant. :hugs:

And just WHO ate all the pies??????

That is some tummy...my guess is it's twins!!! :hugs:

:happydance:

Heya Mugsy! It just HAS to be twins girl! I only found out i was preggo at 10 weeks - I;m sure I would have known earlier if I'd had that lurrrrvely little bump! So cute!!! I want one!!
:hugs:

Thanks girls :) No cream pies, unfortunately. I'm still struggling to keep much down. Hope that won't last much longer.

So I listened to the baby's heartbeat again. I can hear it in 3 different places, but have no idea if that means 3 different babies or the same baby from 3 different angles. The first is just above my pubic bone, to the right (that's where I heard it the first time). The second is about 4cm higher, in the middle. And the third is a bit further over to the left. What concerns me is that my uterus shouldn't be that high up (everything I've read says that at 10 weeks you might be able to just feel it at the top of your pubic bone. I don't think it's possible that I could be further along since I was charting. My period if anything was heavier than normal, and I got a BFN at 10dpo.

Anyway, 2 and half weeks till my scan where all will be revealed :happydance:

We'll have a penny bet then! :rofl:

I bet a penny that you are the right number of weeks along, but you are carrying twins. I guess that they are fraternal twins not identical. :happydance:

LOL. My bet is for one baby and a funny shaped uterus that has echoes :rofl:

OMG! You're just full of patience aren't you bird?! :shock:

2 1/2 wks? I couldn't wait that long; I'd be off down the docs asking questions and pestering for an earlier date. :D Then again I've been waiting for One Whole Week for my scan date and I'm about ready to go and hijack the U/S dept at the hospital. :gun:

It'll be very cool if you have got multiples in there :D

LOL. I have no patience at all!! That's why I bought the doppler. I don't qualify for anything other than emergency care in the UK, and I'm not someone who can pretend to be having an emergency just to settle my curiousity. I fly home next Sunday - I'm dreading the flight, so please cross everything you have that my morning sickness has gone by then. My doctor will be on vacation then, so the first appointment I could get is a week after I get home. Sooo excited about seeing my family again and showing off my bump :happydance::happydance:

OIC :)

Wow you must be Uber excited. :wohoo:

Next Sunday will see me with everything crossed that is anatomically crossable and I'll give the others a go too. :lol:

just wanted to say hi and glad you are doing so well!! Hopefully we will join u soon! My thermometer is on the blink by the way.. you were right... luckily I have a spare so will use that one from tomorrow. Take care hun:hugs:

My super dodgy internet has been off for almost a week now, finally got it back this morning. So damn frustrating :hissy:

Today I'm feeling utterly miserable :cry: Me and my OH had a horrible blow up last night. He's under a lot of stress at the moment, and I know it's not easy for him. He's having to pack up his life and move to a country he's never been to before, where he knows no one other than me. Granted it's only until the baby arrives, but still. And I've been so sick, I haven't been able to help at all. So last night he was trying to pack boxes since the shipping company is coming on Saturday to collect it all, and I couldn't help because I was feeling dizzy and nauseous when I stood up. There were a few things that he had wanted me to do online for him, and he asked if I'd got it done. I reminded him that we still didn't have internet, and he goes "Jesus, it's always something with you. It's like you want to be sick so that I'll have to do everything." It just hurt me so much, because I've been feeling so bad about how much has been placed on his shoulders and how little I've been able to do. But I honestly have been feeling like complete shit for the last 5 weeks, I haven't just been lazy. Even on days when I'm not throwing up constantly, I have no energy to do anything. I would much rather not be sick and have all the responsibility be on me to do everything. I love him so much, I wish I could do more to make things easier for him. :cry: Of course my hormones kicked in and I started blubbing, and well I don't know how to turn it off. Everytime I think about it I start crying again. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of being tired. I want my mum. :hissy::hissy:

Aw sweetie. :hugs:

It's a tough enough time for both parties when things are settled without having to shop out to a new country. I feel for you both. :hug:

Hope the move goes smoothly for you.

Oh Mugzy....they really have no idea what we go through as they just don't have our hormones....maybe he is just feeling low that he can't experience this with you.

Nat is right. My DH was an arsehole for much of my pregnancy! Either that or my hormones were all over the place - probably a combination of the two! Blokes just have absolutely no idea how awful you can feel. After my caesarian I was in so much pain and so weak, I couldn't raise my body to get out of bed, let alone walk to the bathroom (they don't do much with pain relief here in Bulgaria!). I asked DH to help me to the bathroom, and he yanked me out of bed then let go, and i just collapsed on the floor. He then had a go at me for being a drama queen :shock:

I don't think this will make you feel any better, but I had quite a few days when I just stormed out of the house while pg and went to cry in the park. I resented the fact that DH didn't seem to believe me when I said I couldn't do things.

I think, in retrospect, that they are just so dumb, (men), they can't put themselves emotionally in anybody else's shoes. It's really tough when you've got to do something like move house and you know that if you weren't pg you would be doing loads. You WILL get through this though, and you will be able to laugh it off one day! Try asking DH if he can get through the day with a couple of pounds of sugar tied round his waist and somebody making him puke 3 times a day. Has he ever had a bad hangover? Tell him that early pg is like 10 times worse than having a hangover, and you didn't even have the satisfaction of getting pissed the night before!

Hang on in there Mugsy! And remember we are always here (surgically attached to our computers...) if you need to blub. Lurrrrrve ya loads hun! :hugs::hugs:

Thanks so much for your support :hugs:. I'm feeling better today, not so weepy. Still throwing up though :( My OH was being very sweet last night. I think it's just the stress of the move and everything - he's not usually so insensitive. I'm off to visit my sister for the night since it's the last chance to see her and her girlies for a while, and it will mean I'm out of his way and he can get everything done. Think I'll take my doppler and let the girls listen to their new little cousin.

Well, here's my latest bump pic :) Taken this morning, sorry it's so dark - not much light in here with boxes piled everywhere.
:hug:

My goodness that is some tummy for 11 weeks....now my penny bet is still on that you are carrying more than one, but the other alternative is that you are further along than you thinK!!!!!

Wowzers!!! :rofl::rofl::rofl:

Where are you moving from and to?

I don't think I can be further along... I had a very heavy period, my chart clearly showed ov and I got a BFN at 10dpo, BFP (very faint) at 12 dpo. So I think my dates must be right. On the doppler I can hear a whooshing sound that everyone says is the sound of the placenta - it could be an artery or something. Anyway, there are definitely 2 of those. So I'm preparing myself for the news of twins.

We're moving from London to Durban in South Africa. I'm sooooo dreading the flight - 7 hours to Dubai, 3 hours wait at the airport, another 8 hours to Johannesburg then 4 hours at the airport and another hour flight to Durban. It will take 25 hours from leaving Victoria station till I get home. Then I'm not going anywhere until the baby is born.

Woohoooo Mugzy Twins...You'll be owing me a penny!!!! :happydance::happydance:

Are you from SA yourself? or moving for your job?

Thatis some journey to be undertaking!!! :hugs:

LOL. Can I send you the SA equivalent? I think 15 cents should cover it :rofl:

I'm from SA, my OH is from Sweden but has been living in London for 5 years. I have excellent medical cover in SA so that's why we're moving there, and we've been very lucky that they are letting him keep his job in London and work remotely. Still undecided about where we'll go after the baby is born, but we still have 6 months to think about it. We're getting married next month so that we can get my residency permits sorted out and so the baby can be registered as a Swedish citizen as soon as it's born. We'll have the wedding after the baby is born though so that all his family only have to make one trip.

this is a great journal has answered some of my questions already x

Really glad you got things sorted with one another. :D

Wow What a journey, you must have Really great cover in SA to go through all that just to have your kid there!!! :lol: I didn't realise we had a couple of globetrotters in out midst. :laugh2:

I think you're everso brave. I'm gonna stay in my nice cosy shoebox for a while. :lol:

well I am also from SA living in Switzerland altho I am from CT. Good luck hun.. it will get better!!:hugs:

I'm finally home and recovered from the flight from hell! The flight to Dubai was not bad, I had an aisle seat and easy access to the bathroom. The second flight was awful. The plane was full, I was stuck in between 2 people, and the woman next to me was annoyed everytime I had to get up to go to the bathroom (which was at least once an hour to pee or puke). They finally let me sit in the jumper seats at the back right near the bathroom, but the seat was uncomfortable so I couldn't sleep. It was a nightmare. I slept all day yesterday, and today looked at a lovely flat, which I'm hoping my OH will allow me to take. 3 bedrooms, lovely kitchen and sea views... it's perfect :cloud9: My tummy is growing daily - can't wait for my scan on Monday :D I'm fairly convinced that there are 2 babies in there, as I can hear what I think is second heartbeat quite clearly now. It's more difficult to find than the first, but I think maybe it's behind the placenta and the first is in front. I'm just praying there aren't more than 2 in there :shock:


well I am also from SA living in Switzerland altho I am from CT. Good luck hun.. it will get better!!:hugs:

I lived in CT for about 5 years, one of my favourite places!!!

Hey!! Glad you are home safe and sound!! Can't wait until Monday to hear the extra good news!!!! :happydance::happydance:

Hiya Hon. Welcome Home! :laugh2:

I bet you're so excited to find out if you're right? I was really hoping for twins but I just got the one. A friend of mine had triplets. No fertalisation treatment and she had a natural birth and absolutely loved it. She got loads of help with childcare and stuff and they're beautiful kids. Or they were when I last saw them they must be about 10 by now. :huh:

That flat sounds fab too hope your OH agrees. :D

Hiya Mugsy! Everything sounds so exciting for you hun! Hope your DH agrees to the flat- it sounds perfect, and fingers crossed for the scan on Monday! :hugs:

Hi Mugs how have you been? Hope all is ok and ur safe n sound in durbs :)
Im curious to know if there is 2 babies??

:wave: Hiya Mugysy hun! You've been very quiet - is everything ok chick? xxx

Hello everyone.

I finally got my internet installed yesterday so now I'm back online :happydance: So much to update on... first: so much for morning sickness ending at 12 weeks. I'm still throwing up most days, although it is much better than before. It used be all day, now it's just early mornings and if I get hungry.

The baby (just one :yipee:) is doing very well. I had my first doctors visit and scan on the 30th, and another one yesterday. I see the doc once every 4 weeks, and he says he usually does a scan at each visit just to check that everything is ok (boy do I love the medical system in SA). The first was right on track at 13weeks. But I was a bit worried yesterday because he said the baby is only measuring at 16 weeks, which just isn't possible since it would mean I got my BFP only a few days after ovulation. Anyway, he says the baby looks fine and it was wiggling around on the screen. Soooo cute. I can see where it's lying now when I lie on my back. There's a little bump that's sometimes on the right and sometimes on the left. And if I press down a bit, I can feel it wiggling (from inside, not on my hand). :cloud9:

Other than that, we moved into the most lovely flat. More space than we need so we're rattling around a bit, but once the baby arrives and we have lots of visitors we're going to need it.

Right, now I need to catch up on everyone else's journals. :hug:

glad to hear you have settled in nicely... I sure do miss SA!!! I cant believe you are 17 weeks already.. wow time has gone fast!! Also glad bubba is so well.... so excited for u!!:hug:

Hiya Hon. :hugs:

I'm so glad to hear from you. It's great that all is OK with your ONE baby. :lol: Your flat sounds a bit flash, come to that so does your antenatal care. No wonder you made the trip. Talking of which did you realise that you profile location still reads 'London'?

Hope your MS drops off for you soon, I've been quite lucky I'm just really tired still with sore bobbies. :lol:

Good to have you back. :laugh2:

I got a call from my doctor this morning. My triple test results were abnormal, so I have to go in for a detailed scan tomorrow morning. He said the AFP was much higher than it should be so they need to check the spine for spina bifida, and maybe do an amnio test. I'm not too worried about the scan, because I know that there is a high rate of false positives in that test, but I'm worried about the amnio test as I've heard that there is a risk it can hurt the baby. I don't think I want to do it.
Wish me luck for tomorrow.

Good luck sweetie and remember that you don't have to have any proceedure, it's totally up to you and your OH. :hugs:

I got a call from my doctor this morning. My triple test results were abnormal, so I have to go in for a detailed scan tomorrow morning. He said the AFP was much higher than it should be so they need to check the spine for spina bifida, and maybe do an amnio test. I'm not too worried about the scan, because I know that there is a high rate of false positives in that test, but I'm worried about the amnio test as I've heard that there is a risk it can hurt the baby. I don't think I want to do it.
Wish me luck for tomorrow.

Good luck hun!! Am sure all will be fine.... if you dont want to do the test dont do it.... thinking of u!!:hug:

I got a call from my doctor this morning. My triple test results were abnormal, so I have to go in for a detailed scan tomorrow morning. He said the AFP was much higher than it should be so they need to check the spine for spina bifida, and maybe do an amnio test. I'm not too worried about the scan, because I know that there is a high rate of false positives in that test, but I'm worried about the amnio test as I've heard that there is a risk it can hurt the baby. I don't think I want to do it.
Wish me luck for tomorrow.

Good luck babes, many many :hug:

Thanks everyone. The scan went fine, they couldn't see any obvious problems. I went for another blood test and if the levels are still high they're going to send me to a specialist sonographer. They said that if there is a problem, it will be a small one, since a big problem would be obvious on the scan. To be honest, I think the baby is just measuring small and that's messing the results up so I'm not worried anymore. I asked the doctor if they went by my dates if the result would be normal, and he said that it would be much better, but the baby is only measuring at 16+3 so those are the dates they're using. I'm not changing my ticker till next month's scan though... maybe it will be on track by then. Anyway, my bub is looking well and gave us a good show. Saw it's face, looks like those pictures of aliens with big eyes. :cloud9:

Hiya Mugzy! So glad your scan was ok and that your ms is at least getting a bit more manageable. Why do you think your dates are wrong? Is it just from the baby's measurements? I'm a bit obsessed about dating cos my LO was a matter of professional disagreement even after her birth! The hospital told me she was a month early but she arrived 4 days later than the due date given me by my gyno..... I do wonder how much is just guesswork and number-crunching if there is anything slightly non-average about the measurements!

:hug:

I'm pleased that your scn went well honey. :laugh2:

You've got a great positive attitude and I'm sure everything will be fine. Sometimes I think they're just looking for something to prattle about. :)

I'm sure of my dates because I was temping. I know when I ovulated, it's not just an estimate. And if my temps were wrong and I actually ovulated a week later it would mean that I got a positive test a couple of days after I ovulated, which just isn't possible. Anyway, a week isn't a major thing... except that a week can make a difference in the AFP test. Speaking of which... my test results came back even higher than before, so my risk has increased from 1 in 80 to 1 in 50. I'm going for a level 2 scan with the expert sonographer next week. Again, I'm not really worried but it can't hurt to take a look. And it means I get to see my bub again :)

good luck hun! :hugs::hugs:

good luck hun!! Sure everything is ok... thinking of u!:hug:

I just got back from my scan. Everything looks great. No signs of any defects, there was liquid in both the stomache and the bladder so there are no obstructions on the way down and the kidneys are working fine. We saw 4 heart chambers and the spine looks perfect. :happydance: The baby has five fingers on each hand and 5 toes on each foot. Only problem is it's a bit small. Everything was in the normal range, but most of the measurements were as low as they can be to be normal (some of them as low as 17 weeks). So we'll be scanned again in 4 weeks to check that there is good growth, since high AFP can occur with growth ******ation. I got some good pics.

I can feel the baby kicking a lot now. It's not strong enough to feel from the outside yet, but yesterday I lay on my back when it started kicking and we could see my tummy jump a little :cloud9:

Here are my pics from the scan today:
http://photos.l3.facebook.com/photos-l3-snc1/v311/230/0/790075440/n790075440_3889541_8106.jpg

http://photos.l3.facebook.com/photos-l3-snc1/v311/230/0/790075440/n790075440_3889542_8592.jpg

Oh Mugsy those pictures are perfect!!! You must be thrilled!

So glad to hear that everything is going well for you hun! :hugs: I wouldn't worry too much about the measurements - not every baby is going to have read that rule book! Anyway, small babies are good - they don't hurt as much!

glad everything is ok!!! Big :hug:

hope u r well love... :hug:

Hi Mugzy.:hi:

Hope you're doing OK. Your scan pics are fab and I'm plesed for you that there are no problems. :hugs:

Mugzy!!!

I ahven't been on here for ages...bring me up to speed...having read back yet...

Piccies are perfect!! Don't panic too much about size...James was a little one too...one measurement had his head at 19wk 2days and his tummy at only 17wks 6 days!!!!

ETA don't panic about the tests...I came back really high risk for Downs and I had a perfect little pooch!

hey there - hope u r well hun! and bubba too!!:hug:

:hi: how are you and bean Mugzy?! :hugs:

Hello everyone :hi:

It's been so long since I've last been on, and thought I must take some time to check up on how everyone is doing and update my journal. The last month has been soooo busy. We had a 2 week vacation at the start of the month, one with my parents and one with my brother, but it involved DRIVING (how I ever agreed to that I still don't know) from Durban to Cape Town, with pee breaks at every stop along the way. Never again is all I can say. My mum threw me a lovely surprise baby shower while we were at her place which was so nice.

My OH left on Friday for 3 weeks in Sweden and I'm missing him so much!! :cry: Last month I got a big contract for a website that I've been working on flatout so at least I have something to keep my mind off it. The work has been fun, but a bit frustrating since they keep changing the requirements. I guess I shouldn't complain since I'm billing by the hour, hopefully by the end of it we'll have a good deposit for a house :happydance:

My little nephew James was born on Friday and is doing well. I got to see him an hour after he was born, but I have only been able to see him through the glass as only grandparents and parents are allowed to hold the babies in the hospital :hissy:. They should be bringing him home tomorrow and I'll be able to get a bit of cuddle time :cloud9:. My mum is visiting to keep me company while my OH is away and to see the new baby. It was fun seeing all the tiny babies in the nursery - getting so excited about meeting my own. :happydance:

Baby news: our baby is growing, but seems to be lagging more and more at each scan. It was 2 weeks behind at last months visit, and 3 weeks behind this week. The doctor didn't seem too concerned so I guess I shouldn't be either. I've been having a lot of contractions (on Friday it was about 1 every half hour), so he checked my cervix and everything seems to be ok. They don't hurt, just a bit uncomfortable. My nursery set has arrived, which is just lovely. I got it second hand on ebay, but it's the full set with all accessories and I'm sooooo happy. Other than the sheet and blanket, it all seems brand new to me.

So that's my news for now... need a nap after all that :sleep: How's everyone else doing?

oooh.... I just noticed! My ticker has changed to double digits!!!! Only 99 days to go :happydance::happydance::happydance:

Wayhay!!! The countdown begins. :dance:

Wow, I don't know how I'd manage without my OH for 3weeks; or is that the other way round? :-k It's good that your Mum is staying for a bit tho. Congratulations on becoming an Auntie and I'm sure you'll enjoy loads of cuddles soon.

I wonder if you might benefit from upping your carbohydrates intake. Reason I say so is that while I'm on the lookout for a recurrance of gestational diabetes I'm having to regulate my intake. The body converts unused carbs into sugars and can cause the baby to gain extra weight, I thought it might work in your favour?

Hope your site work turns out well. :D

Oh my11 Only 99 days to go Mugzy!! Have you got everything prepared?

Hiya Mugzy! Good to read your update - been wondering about you chick! Glad everything is well. Not all babies are going to fit the statistics charts, so don't worry (you don't sound worried though I should add :)) I can't believe you're practically 26 weeks already ! :shock: where has the time gone! So what did you get in the nursery set then - it sounds great! xxx

Angelmouse I'm going to give that a try, carbs are what I'm craving most of the time anyway :D I think it will be pizza for supper tonight :happydance: I got some cuddle time with baby James yesterday and he got a good kicking from his little cousin.

Nat LOL, I've been preparing for the last 10 year :rofl: I got out all my baby clothes today that I've collected over the years to sort them into sizes. I didn't quite realise how much I had until I saw it all spread out over the lounge. 4 large boxes in all :blush: I've made up the bed and going to get my OH to hang the quilt and wall hangings when he gets home.

Magic Here's the nursery theme we picked. It's the kidsline barnyard theme. We got everything in the picture except for the photo frame and wall border, plus another throw pillow, a lampshade, 3 decorative hooks and curtains with matching tiebacks.
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo223/mugzy_010/barnyard.jpg

I couldn't resist making up the bed. We aren't going to have a nursery until we move in March, so the baby will be in the corner of our room in a camp cot.
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo223/mugzy_010/bed.jpg

My tummy this morning.
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo223/mugzy_010/30sept.jpg

Look at your neat tummy!!!!!!!:happydance:

The Bed looks fabulous and making me jealous!!!! :rofl:

Aw, All WOOT WOOT!!! :dance:

I have to do the same with babyclothes. I'm dreading it coz we don't have a tumble dryer and it just keeps raining!

these pics are lovely and you have such a lovely bump!! Have a good weekend.:hug:

Awww mugzy - such a cute bump! The room looks absolutely gorgeous - lucky baby! xxx

I’ve been trying to figure out how to put the events of the last few days into words. There is no easy way to say it, and I need time to process it all, so I will be writing more later. The short story is our baby boy was born on Sunday morning 12 weeks early. He weighed 820g and hung on for 3 hours but was too sick and too little to make it :cry:. They say he had a silent intrauterine infection, and by the time there were any real symptoms it was too late to save him. We named him Victor, he was the tiniest most perfect little person I’d ever seen. He had my nose but the rest was all Dan. I got to hold him after he died, and say goodbye. Dan was in Sweden at the time and got back yesterday, he’s been fantastic, and I don’t know what I’d do without him. I know that somehow we need to move past this, but I can’t leave this little baby behind.

I'm so sorry for your lossxx. if theres anything I can do for you
xx

:hug::hug::hug:

words seem so ineffective and I can't find the right ones...
I'm so sorry. Hugs to you and your little angel.

:cry: Oh, no Darling how terrible, I can't believe it. :cry: I don't know what to say, it was all going so well. Gods the Universe can be so unfair sometimes. Please know how terribley sad I am for You, Dan and Beautiful Victor. Bless you all and I wish you Love and Light for the future. :hugs:

Why are the people I love always so far away, I wish I could give you a proper Hug I'm so so sad for you. :hugs:

:hug: :cry:

Thanks for your messages. Dan has written on his blog (www.allaboutdan.com) about what happened, I'm still struggling to understand how your whole life can change so quickly. Last week I was shopping for baby baths and bouncy seats at babies-r-us. Today I'm organising my babies funeral. :cry: We're having a small service at our home on Saturday. I'm going to read something, Dan will read something and we'll play some special songs for him. After that we'll try and celebrate his life. I think I have cried more in the last week than in the last 10 years combined. My mum has been staying with us, and she's been fantastic. She's a photographer and turned some of the photos she took in the hospital into watercolors for us. I love this one, he looks so peaceful. :cry:
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo223/mugzy_010/2923-074wcwarm.jpg
I found a poem that I edited a bit to make it more relevant to us, and I'll be reading on Saturday.

A million times we'll miss you,
a million times we'll cry.
If loving could have saved you,
you never would have died.
In life we love you dearly,
And in death we love you too.
In our hearts there is an empty place,
no one can fill but you.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
but you never went alone.
for part of us went with you,
when we couldn't bring you home.
So sleep my tiny baby,
we loved you from the start.
Our precious little Balthazar,
you're always in our heart.

....I dont know what to say but this is such terrible terrible news... I am so so so sorry.... he is so beautiful... the pics are lovely... my heart goes out to you and your hubby.... thinking of u... i am at a loss for words hun.... I am so sorry... I am here if you need to chat...:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

OMG Mugzy I am so terribly upset for you. There is nothing I can say to make you feel better, but I want you to know that I am thinking of you, Dan and Little gorgeous, wonderfully beautiful Victor. The photo of him is just the most delicate perfect little boy, peacefully sleeping forever.

My heart goes out to you hun and if there is any, anything at all I can do, I want you to know I am there.

All my love.
:cry::hug:

I'm so sorry hun, so upset for you. U and ur family r in my thoughts :hugs:

Oh Mugzy - I am in streams of tears for you and Dan and baby Victor - I feel for you so so much - words are just not enough :hugs::hugs: I can't believe this has happened to you when everything was going so well. Victor looks very peaceful and so perfect :cry: you must feel very proud - he is in a good place now and will always stay perfect. I wish you strength and courage for the hard times ahead - thinking of you always xxxx

Mugzy, honey. We have never 'met' before online - but I heard your sad news this morning, and I wanted to write. I hope you don't mind. My heart goes out to you and tears are streaming down my face. This pictures your mum made of little Victor are beautiful. I'm glad you have your mum around to support you as you and Dan face this sad time of celebrating little Victor's life, and mourning for what you have all lost. Sending you love and hugs. I am so sorry Mugzy. :hug:

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope today went ok. Your family are in my prayers. xx

Thank you so much for your messages. We had a service for our little boy today, many tears and thankfully some laughter. Instead of flowers my aunt and cousin gave us a baby making basket, filled with champaign, chocolate body paints, candles and other things to get us in the mood. We can't ever replace our little guy, but we're hopefull for the future. As soon as I've recovered from surgery we'll start trying.

I finally managed to write down our birth story to send to all our friends and family, so here it is. Then I think I should close this journal and move to the waiting to try section. I'll still be popping in to all your journals to see how you're all doing :)

The story of our baby "Balthazar"
Our little boy was conceived while we were living in London, just a minutes’ walk from Victoria Station so we have decided to name him Victor. Our “work in progress” name for the bump was Balthazar (named after a cartoon character Dan used to watch as a child), so in our hearts he’ll always be baby Balthazar. I had a very uneventful pregnancy, I had terrible morning sickness for 18 weeks – but that just meant that everything was working as it should. From 16 weeks I could feel flutterings, and within a few weeks he was a real wriggle monster. From about mid September I started getting frequent Braxton Hicks contractions, but the doctors, books and everything I read on the internet assured me that this was normal. They weren’t painful, they didn’t follow a pattern, there weren’t more than 4 an hour. I was starting to get very tired and uncomfortable and have some pain, but I figured this was a combination of moving to the third trimester and the pain was due to the fact that the baby was in a transverse lie.

Dan’s visitors permit had expired and our sneaky attempt to visit Lesotho for 10 minutes hadn’t given him another 90 days so he had to go Sweden for 3 weeks. While he was away I went to visit my parents in the Free State, so that’s where I was when things started going wrong. On Friday morning I felt some very weak movements while I was having my morning tea… this was normally his most active time each day. I never felt him move again. By lunch time that day I had started having painful contractions and went to see the local doctor. He heard the heart beat and said there was nothing to worry about, just said I should take some Tylenol and wait for it to pass. The contractions continued all afternoon and then slowed a bit in the evening, but I woke at about 11:30 in a lot of pain and to find my waters had broken. My parents rushed me to the nearest hospital in Bethlehem (about 100km away), and the whole way I was thinking it was too late. He hadn’t moved all day, and I was sure he’d gone already.

When I got to the hospital they found a strong heartbeat and gave me pills to stop the contractions and an injection to mature the babies lungs. The next day we had to make a decision about moving me. We were a long way from home, and if the baby was born early he would be in hospital for quite a while. The safest way to transport him was inside me, and the safest time to do that was right away but the risk was that it was a good 4 hour drive to Durban and if I went into labor again there might not be a hospital nearby. We decided this would be the best option, so I was taken by ambulance to Parklands. They hooked me up to the monitor there and I heard the nurse call the doctor to say she really didn’t like the trace. The babies heart was strong and steady, but it wasn’t reacting to anything. She told me he looked tired to her. The doctor came in at about midnight and said that he was going to do another trace in the morning and if it hadn’t improved he’d have to take him out. It didn’t improve, so they scheduled a c-section at 9am. They took me into the neonatal ICU to show me where the baby would be. Since Dan was in Sweden and my parents were still at home, my aunt came to hospital to be with me during the surgery. She was fantastic, and stayed with me the whole day. I don’t know how I would have got through it without her.

At 9:07 I heard the doctor say “It’s a little boy” in a happy tone (we didn’t know what we were having), and then the pediatrician said that’s a very little boy, in a much more serious tone. He whipped him over to the side and started working on getting a tube into his lungs. I could see his profile, his little fuzzy head. I could see Dan’s little face in there. He never cried. I never saw him move. It took a couple of minutes to get him intubated, then they put him in the incubator and rushed him out. A couple of hours later the pediatrician came in to tell me that it wasn’t looking good. 28 weeks is very early, but he was also a very sick baby. His blood glucose level was only 0.5 when he was born and they weren’t sure how long it had been that low. His ph levels weren’t compatible with life. They were doing everything they could, the baby could get better, but he wasn’t sure how much damage had been done. Dan called just after he left and I let him know that it was serious but they were working on it. Not long after that the doctor came in and said “I don’t have good news for you.” My brother came over and we called Dan to let him know that our baby was gone. He got the first flight home he could.

They brought me the baby at about 1pm and I got to hold him and love him for one afternoon. He was tiny, perfect and so very beautiful. I asked them to take a footprint for my scrapbook, and I took the hospital band from his leg. It was on its smallest setting and just slid right off. My mum and dad arrived later that afternoon and she took lots of photos for me. So we have a few mementos. But at 7pm they came from the funeral home to take our little boy away.

Dan arrived the next day and has been so wonderful. We are both in a lot of pain right now, but together we’re looking to the future. We still want 4 children, so I guess we’ll have 5 now. Baby Balthazar will always be our first.

thank you for sharing your story.... once again my thoughts are with you and Dan.... take care hun. Big :hug::hugs::hugs::hugs:

What a poignant and yet beautiful story, mugzy. I'm sorry but I'm in floods of tears for you, and I just wish I could be closer to you. Little Victor will ALwAYS be your first child and son.

I look forward to seeing you back again in TCC when you are ready.

Take care and I will be thinking of you often! :hugs::hugs::hugs:

thinking of you mugsy - you are being very brave. see you in TTC. Sending you love and :hug:

:hugs::hugs:: Thinking of you. xxx

I don't know what to say. :cry: Your little boy is absolutely beautiful and so so perfect. Sending you our love and thinking about you. :hugs:
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thinking of u too hun!:hugs::hugs: